BIG FAT INDIAN WEDDING

http://www.caricature.com.sg/2007/01/caricature-theme-indian-muslim-wedding.html

" I'm tired and frustrated. Sometimes I feel I've had enough." said Jodi, a middle aged gentleman who specialises in stage decor for weddings.He works in collaboration with an events planner here in Johannesburg.Whilst having a hilarious conversation with him last night, I came to realise that I do not envy his profession at all. For those of you out there who have not attended or planned an Indian wedding let me inform you of how 'Big Fat Indian Weddings' really come about. In the past Indian weddings were simple and basic. There was nothing elaborate or fancy about them. My parents always recall attending weddings where paper rolls made up the table cloths and simple white plates and plain ordinary tumblers were used as crockery. In the middle of the table there would be one simple vase with a flower or two that made up the decor. Simple food was served like biryani and a sweet dish followed by tea accompanied with an assortment of cakes and biscuits. My folks always say that in those days the weddings were simple but they lasted. Nowadays, Indian weddings are grand and elaborate with one family trying to out smart the other one. Brides now travel abroad to do their trousseau shopping. Jewellery is usually custom made by designers in Dubai or India so that when the bride returns home she can brag about all the expensive designer wear she had acquired during her trip. For an events planner arranging an Indian wedding is always a nightmare. Many of the elite well to do families have a one week wedding celebration. There would be a henna party, a family barbeque, a day for the completion of the Quraan to bless the bride and the groom, the wedding day and then of course the walima function that is hosted by the groom's family. Usually, families make appointments with the wedding planner months in advance. Some brides even bring their uncle and aunts or cousins to meet with the wedding planner. So you can imagine what the wedding planner goes through when eveyone wants to give their input..." No, No,No...pink underplates are no longer in fashion, I want something else"......" But pink underplates do look stunning with the crockery"......

So for two hours the family bitches and moans ....errrr mind my language............about table cloths, underplates, crockery and chair covers and many of them still do not reach a definite consensus after their two hour appointment has elapsed. After numerous emails, phone calls and meetings, an agreement is reached and the poor events planner hands over a detailed quote to the brides family.As the wedding draws closer, the brides family starts calling the wedding planner every day to make sure that everything is under control. Most event planners would take fifty percent of their fee up front before the wedding and the rest of the money after the wedding on the completion of their job. Weddings are a stressful affair and usually a brides home becomes an abode of chaos and tension as the house is usually full of people, family and friends. The brides mother and sisters would usually shoulder most of the responsibility. The elderly women of the family would stay at the brides home for a week or two prior to the wedding. Some of the womenfolk are bright and bubbly and create a jovial atmosphere whilst some women simply come to the wedding home to stir up trouble within the family. My close friend who is an events planner recently related a story to me regarding a wedding event that he planned that stretched over seven days. On the first day he had to cater for Sunday afternoon lunch for 200 hundred people according to the contract. In typical "Indian style" 300 people came for the Sunday lunch. Naturally the food was short. Not the caterers fault of course, but naturally the poor events planner was in the firing line. On the third day of the wedding celebrations, the events planner only needed to provide crockery and table cloths for a simple buffet tea party after the completion of the Quraan by the womenfolk of the family. After despatching all the items, the caterer gets a call that he did not provide them with floating candles for the tables. Again, floating candles was not a part of the contract..Once again the caterer gets lambasted over the telephone by the bride, her mom or one of the 45th cousins or aunts. On the day of the wedding, the brides mom and extended family arrived at the wedding venue early in the morning. Everything was done perfectly, however, the brides aunt had to place her two cent input and ask the caterer to make a few changes. The brides mother was not happy with the changes and so once again the decor and draping had to be changed. Then the brides father had to have his say of course. The poor caterer had a hundred and one people sitting on his head. To make the situation worse, the brides cousins contacted the bride who was getting her hair and make up done and informed her that the hall does not look good. The bride in turn called the wedding planner and once again the poor soul was lashed out at by a highly strung bride. After a few calls, moaning and groaning the wedding venue was perfect. Their highly esteemed guests arrived and everoyne was taken a back by the beauty of the hall decor. As is typical of Indian weddings, guests are never appreciative of their invitations. They will still criticise and comment. " Oh my God, she is so beautiful but he is nothing to look at"....." She is so fair and he is so dark, beauty and the beast..what did she possibly see in him."......." Is that the brides mother? where is the grooms mom? Oh but that colour dress just didn't suit her at all" ...." The chicken was too salty and the steak was rock hard"....Some guests choose to bring containers to pack food in it to take home...." A wedding doggy bag lol". I guess it saves them the trouble and effort of cooking up a storm the next day after the wedding. What about those guests who have no patience whatsoever and start devouring the chevro, sukmook, papar, pickles and salad before the food is served and then start screaming at the waiters for more salad and pickles. They fail to realise that the catering company was only asked to prepare one salad bowl per table. Now when everything is greedily devoured the caterer is once again to be blamed. I am sorry to say this, but members of my community lack etiquette and discipline when it comes to attending weddings. In fact they lack etiquette across the board even when it comes to visiting the sick.

After a few hours of partying, meeting and greeting and overindulging at the wedding, guests leave and the brides father is down a few thousand bob with still a few thousand more that he still needs to cough up. In the mean time the happy couple leave for honeymoon to some exotic location. I always maintain that dating someone is different from a marriage type relationship. It is only once you stay with someone permanently that their true colours actually come to the surface. So during the honeymoon , the couple realise that they are not compatible with each other. The bride calls her family and complains about the groom and naturally the groom complains to his family about his wife's dominating attitude...." She wants to wear the pants and I just can't handle that."
Arguing ensues during the honeymoon and naturally when the couple return their families become involved in trying to patch up the relationship. Words are exchanged with both parties blaming each other until both families agree on a divorce. The girl returns to her family home with her poor dad still having to fork out mega bucks for a failed marriage.Weeks go by and the catering company now starts calling the family for their final payment. The brides father now starts playing hide and seek as he does not have the money to settle the bill. On the wedding day everything looked picture perfect. How did the two sweet, innocent looking mother in laws suddenly turn into 'murder in laws'?

Dear readers, this is how our Muslim weddings have become. This is what happens when human beings emphasize on materialism rather than religion and spirituality. People are getting married for the wrong reasons. Families can spend hundreds of thousands of rands on a wedding but they fail to pay their zakaat or give charity to the poor.Having a lavish, grand wedding does not make a person a great individual. Guests attend the wedding, eat a plate of food and then leave. Over a short period of time the wedding is forgotten. A great human being is one that is humble and down to earth despite having excessive wealth. A great human being is an individual who spends money on improving the lives of his fellow human being by building schools for the underprivileged, constructing hospitals for the ill and providing food to the malnourished. People will not remember you by the wealth that you possess but rather you will be remembered for the good work that you carried out in this world.Thousands of people will pray for your well being after assisting them during their times of need and difficulty. How can people throw away a million rand on a wedding when fellow human beings are dying of starvation and illness?Our weddings of today have become a mockery to the sunnah of our beloved Prophet Muhammed (saw)..It is all about pomp, grandeur and trying to outdo each other with catastrophic results at the end. Be simple, lead a simple existence, for verily simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.

THE BUS RIDE

 

I usually travel in Riyadh city to do my errands or go out shopping in a private car. I am fortunate enough to have many Saudi friends who would send their driver to pick me up when the need arises.
However, three days prior to my trip to South Africa, I decided that I would hop on to the hospital bus for a bit of change and also to meet different people. Whilst sitting in the bus I realized that there were so many different nationalities on board. There were two Indian ladies sitting right at the back of the bus on the last row, the row that most of us wanted when we were in school especially during excursions.They were probably from Kerala, south India.The one lady had henna on her hands in a beautiful intricate design and her friend who was more on the plump side had the most lovely smile I ever seen. Despite being slightly overweight she had a beautiful face. She was fair with flawless skin and green eyes.They both came across as individuals with a friendly and pleasant demeanour. The women were speaking in their own Malayalam language. In front of them there was a group of Filipinos who were quite noisy and loud but at the same time they were very happy and alive. They were deeply engrossed in their own conversation which was naturally in Tagalog. Then came the two American women who were in their late twenties. They were sitting just behind me and did nothing but complain from our departure until we reached our final destination which was Hayat Mall. I wonder why do people reside in a country if they are so miserable and unhappy. They were complaining about the abaya, about the hospital systems and policies and of course how they disliked Arab people in general.The only thing they both seemed to love was the date shop in Kingdom mall that specialized in parcels and gifts made with a variety of dates. In front of me there were two South African women who hailed from Soweto. They were both nurses and assumed that I was a Saudi woman until I introduced myself to them. The one woman was out and about shopping for her eldest son's wedding. They were both bright and bubbly wanting my input and opinion about wedding dresses and shoes. Thandi was however disappointed that she did not receive any overtime shifts this month as her ward has been quiet due to the Eid holidays that have just passed by. She desperately requires extra money to pay off a huge house bond and also to buy gifts for the family with Christmas just a stones throw away. As I was chatting to them my mobile phone rang. It was Mrs S. She is an Indian woman who is married to a Saudi man. Actually her story is quite remarkable in a sense that she got married at the age of 14 to a man who was 50 years old. Her husband visited India years ago and fancied her beauty whilst she was walking down the road. He found out where she stayed and then visited the family home asking for her hand in marriage. Her father naturally refused the proposal but her mother insisted that she marries the man as he offered the family a high amount of dowry. Her husband is now old and unable to support his family and so she is forced to work. Luckily her kids are all grown up now and hence have become a pillar of strength and support in her life. Her sister was also married off to another Saudi man who is forty years older than her. Her husband is a very wealthy man but also a very cunning and dominating individual who does not allow his wife to go out of the house except on Thursdays. She lives in a huge house that has all the amenities and luxuries that anyone could possibly desire but somehow deep inside she feels as though she is a prisoner. She feels as though she has lost her autonomy and individuality. Her husband does not allow her to meet her sister or other family members and hence every Thursdays both sisters make a plan to meet at a park or shopping mall where they would pour their hearts out to each other. Very often they would invite me to join them for dinner or a picnic at the park. I was chatting to Mrs. S in Urdu and hence when I completed my conversation with her the two Pakistani women across me, on the opposite side of the aisle were astounded. Eventually, the lady closest to me plucked up the courage to ask me where do I come from,"Excuse me, Aap kahan sa aati hai? Aap Pakistani hai?."

'Nai Nai, mein Pakistani ladki nahin hu.." I replied. " I am South African."
"Nahin Aap South African nahin hosakti....Aap urdu jaanthi hai....Yeh to bahoti herani ki baat hai." She continued. She insisted that I can not be a South African woman as my Urdu was quite fluent in her opinion. She wondered how did I learn the language. The truth is I do not know myself how I picked up the language as neither of my parents speak Urdu. My roots go back to Gujurat in India and hence our home language is Gujurati. I continued having a brief conversation with the two Pakistani women as Baba, the middle aged Saudi driver drove through the busy streets of Riyadh. Traffic in Riyadh is horrendous throughout the day. Baba was singing away until the bus came to a screeching abrupt halt. One car tried cutting right in front of us causing baba to apply sharp brakes. Baba was so annoyed that he opened the window and started shouting at the driver of the beautiful black BMW. The man in the car was a young Saudi gentleman who seemed to be in a great hurry. After sternly shouting at the man, Baba closed his window and continued singing as the 1973 rickety bus made its way towards the mall. As my friend Ali always says, " It is 2012. These 1973 models seriously need to get off the road....PAT PAT PAT PAT PAT ARRRAY HAT" In front of the Pakistani women there were two middle aged Canadian women. The one lady is a laboratory technician and the other is a specialist physician. Both women were deep in conversation about their children. Jenny was upset about the fact that her son who just turned 21, has not left the family house. She wants him to get his own house and lead his own life.She has no desire or intention of supporting him any further.At this point I thought to myself how western culture is so different from Middle Eastern or Indian culture. In the Arab and Indian world, kids usually leave their parents house when they get married especially female kids. Of course my situation is quite different. I was brought up in a very broad minded, liberal home where my parents allowed me to fulfill my dreams and explore the world on my own. Numerous thoughts ran through my mind during the short thirty minute bus ride. With six nationalities on board one bus chatting and getting along with each other, wouldn't it be awesome if everyone across the globe just got along with each other? Wouldn't the world be a pleasant place if everyone simply respected each others religion, cultures and belief systems? Eventually, the bus came to a halt just outside Hayat mall. The ladies were all pretty excited to exit the bus and make their way into the shopping center to see what the designer shops had on offer. Baba looked visibly tired and fatigued after manoeuvring the bus through heavy traffic and narrow side streets in order to get to the mall as soon as possible. As I made my way to exit the bus, baba recognized me and his wrinkled face suddenly beamed with a smile. " kayfa 7aalak ya binti...shun akhbarak.....kayfa 7aalu ahwaalik....kullu taiyyibeen, kuwaiseen...".....he continued. He enquired about my well being and my family as he met my mom on numerous occasions during her shopping trips to Riyadh. Baba is a Bedouin man and hence does not speak a word of English. I continued the conversation with him in Arabic and then I noticed the two Pakistani women staring at me once again after looking at each other in confusion. I guess they still not satisfied with the fact that I am a South African woman. This is the power of language I guess. Through language I have made many friends throughout the globe. Language breaks barriers. As Nelson Mandela once said," If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart." Having said that...have a good day everyone....until the next bus ride...........

Madrassa An - Noor for the Blind

A few days ago en route to our holiday apartment in the Margate area, situated on the Kwazulu natal South Coast, my dad wanted our guest from Madina and I to vist Madrassa An- Noor for the blind.The institute is situated in the Pietermaritzburg region and is surrounded by beautiful picturesque hills. Despite being situated just off the main national highway, it feels as though the school is located in the country side. When we arrived at the institute the first thing that caught my attention was the beautiful horses that roamed around freely on the premises. Later on I discovered that the horses were in fact donated to the school. The blind students ride the horses on a daily basis for recreational activity. The horses are trained to cater to the needs of the blind rider steering clear of any obstructions like trees or huge boulders. The day we visited the school, the principal was abroad attending a conference related to the latest technology and learning apparatus for the blind. A teacher from the school warmly welcomed us and gave us a brief tour of the premises. I was very impressed with the high level of cleanliness in the school. Everything was arranged immaculately.We walked from class to class meeting and greeting all the students. The school has 30 students that hail from 14 different countries. There are students from South Africa, Kenya, Malawi, Malaysia, Palestine, England,India, Pakistan, South America, Panama, Comoros, Malawi, Lesotho and Kenya. Our guest from Madina and I heard the students recite verses from the Quraan along with Ahaadith from Sahih Bukhari. Tears rolled down my eyes when I heard the student from India reciting verses from the Holy Quraan in the most beautiful voice I ever heard. Almost half of the students present at the institute were not born Muslims. They have reverted into the fold of Islam. The school also has a recording room whereby scholars render their services by reciting verses from the Quraan or relating stories pertaining to Islamic jurisprudence. The recordings are then compiled into a CD so that blind people who can not study at the institute due to unforeseen circumstances, can still access the CD's by ordering it and have it delivered to their homes. As the teacher quite correctly pointed out to me,' if a blind person can not come to the knowledge, the knowledge can go to them.' Whilst chatting to one of the students, I discovered that he had come into fold of Islam after exploring the topic of religion whilst at university. What was so remarkable about this student was the fact that he had traveled two years ago for Hajj from South Africa all by himself. He was very pleased to have met our guest from Madina tul Munawwara and asked him to pray for his parents. His family have not reverted to Islam but they respect the fact that he is a Muslim and have also visited him at the institute. Our guest from Madina speaks a few languages and hence the little boy from Palestine took a liking to the gentleman. They conversed happily in Arabic and also exchanged telephone numbers. The teacher told me that the boy was his parents most beloved due to the fact that he was a blind child. The family were always overly protective of him. Yet inorder to seek knowledge he traveled to South Africa all alone. It was a tremendous sacrifice on the part of the parents letting go of their beloved son. Madrassa an Noor is the only school in South Africa that prints Arabic material into Braille for blind students. The machine that does this conversion is manufactured in the United States. One machine costs R700 000 and the school has two of these technological wonders.I was given a brief demonstration on how the system works. Normal books are scanned into the computer and then converted into Braille. Once the conversion is done, the Braille Place machine prints out the pages containing the Braille text. I was also informed that initially the Non Muslim community that reside around the institute were apprehensive about having a Muslim school in the area. I always believe that a lack of knowledge always breeds ignorance. After the institute invited members of the community to the  premises to observe the kind of learning activities that are carried out there, many Non Muslim blind elderly people have also started frequenting the facility to utilize the games, toys and other apparatus that are specifically designed to cater for the needs of the blind individual. This is a perfect example of bridging community ties. Its costs the institute approximately R100 000 a month with an average of R3000 per student. Students are provided with their own personal computer, clothing, food, housing facilities as well as a plane ticket on a yearly basis to visit their family. At present the school only has male students. However, there are plans in the pipeline to construct a female boarding school facility as well. I strongly urge everyone out there to please make a contribution towards a worthy cause so that this good work can continue for years to come.

Kindly send your donations to: Madrassa An- Noor for the Blind,
                                                   Standard Bank of South Africa
                                                   Pietermaritzburg
                                                   Lillah Acc: 250376512
                                                   Zakaat Acc: 052195392
                                                   Swift code: SBZAZAJJ

I pray that this institute grows from pillar to pillar and from strength to strength. May God Almighty bless the teachers of the institute for their hard work and dedication. Ameen.
As a side thought, I always observe that the youth of today are idle minded basically engrossed with the mobile phone, computer games, playing with the Ipad or some other technological gadget.
Parents should encourage their kids to visit institutes like these to render voluntary services. These students feel happy and loved when guests visit them. It motivates and encourages them to pursue their studies. Also, by visiting these institutes, it makes one realise just how much we have to be grateful and thankful for at every moment of our lives. We need to thank God Almighty for the bounties that He has bestowed upon us. It would give the youth a sense of appreciating the finer things in life rather than being carried away into a materialistic bandwagon that has suddenly become a norm and a way of life.

For further information and contact details kindly visit their website:
http://www.mnblind.org/?id=101

 

 

 

   

 

Image Lifestyle Wedding and Conference Venue

 

On the 23rd of November, a week ago, my family and I were invited to the launch of the Image Lifestyle wedding and conference centre in conjunction with Unusual Functions. The event seen the coming together of numerous entrepreneurs, businessmen as well as government officials for a night of glitz, glamour and live entertainment.There were many guests from abroad who traveled to South Africa especially for the event. It was quite a pleasure meeting individuals from Saudi Arabia, Iran, Pakistan as well as from China. Guests were warmly welcomed by specially trained event specialists and were escorted to their seats after taking a photo at the foyer. Many media personalities also graced the event. Guests were blown away by the sheer magnitude of the hall along with the breathtaking decor.Opulent chandeliers graced the ceilings accompanied with elegant lounge suites and regal carpets. All the art pieces that adorned the walls were painstakingly created  by a charismatic and dynamic artist, Fazal Casetti Docrat. I was so excited to have met him and his family after many years. The master of ceremonies for the evening was Mr. Bushan Das who also entertained the crowd by singing a variety of songs like Chamak Chalo along with a few golden oldies as well. The opening ceremony kicked off with a rendition from the holy Quraan. All guests were then asked to rise for the South African National Anthem as the Gauteng Premier Nomvula Mokonyane and her entourage were also present for the event.This was followed by a talk on Islamic Finance by Moulana Ragie.I found his speech to be quite thought provoking in a sense that he pointed out how Islamic Finance can have a positive impact on the global community at large basically reinforcing the fact that Islam along with its various rules regarding finances is not just for Muslims but for Non Muslims as well. Guests were treated to a five course meal whilst being entertained by live dance performances by two separate dance academies. Chicken salad and vegetable soup complimented with rolls was served as a starter. Steak roulade garnished with macaroni and masala chicken was served as a main course. Towards the latter part of the night guests then made their way back towards the foyer area where beautiful tables were laid out with an assortment of cakes, biscuits and desserts.It was an ideal opportunity for guests to interact and socialize with each other. I found the behaviour of some of the guests to be quite appalling though. Despite hailing from elite financial backgrounds, many of the guests were packing cakes and desserts in the decorative boxes that were on the dinner tables and taking them home. Chinese spoons filled with small portions of desserts were taken away by greedy guests as well.

Mr. Sayed Hussein Mia who is the chairman of the SHM group of companies was also invited to the event but extended an apology through his daughter for not being able to grace the function. His daughter however, used the event as a launching platform  for her newly acquired Middle Eastern clothing range "Shukr". Models strutted their stuff on the catwalk. I must admit though that I was not impressed with the range at all. I found the clothes to be old fashioned, mediocre and simply out of tune with the latest styles and emerging trends in Islamic clothing. Bold floral scarves matched with plain cotton pants and tops doesn't do it or me at all.It is a range that has seen its days in the Middle East a long time ago. The "Inspired" range of abayas were also showcased at the event. This range of abayas are designed in Dubai and retail in South Africa for between R2000 to R5000. Whilst many of the local South African Muslim women are gaga over this range of abayas, I personally only found a few of the abayas to be worthy of the price tag. The Image Lifestyle wedding and conference centre also boasts a bridal gown showroom along with abayas by " Unusual Couture". This range of abayaat is designed in Saudi Arabia. Each abaya is elegant and beautiful with a reasonable price tag. The premises also renders the professional services of a hair stylist, make up artist, along wih a fully kitted spa. My heartiest congratulations to Mr. Altaaf and Mr. Aadil Saith for making sure that the premises has all the amenities available in order to make that "special day" a memorable event. The venue is centrally located in the heart of Fordsburg allowing for convenience in terms of traveling distance and also allowing foreigners who grace the venue for conferences to be able to soak up the rich cultural heritage and history of the Fordsburg area.

If you wish to utilize the services of the Image Lifestyle wedding and conference centre kindly contact the celebrity events planner Mr. Aadil Saith at:

(w) 0027 11 413 2091
(m) 0027 (0) 827355559