Friday, October 5, 2012

Husband absconded, Wife distressed


A few nights ago I received quite a distressing phone call from a family who resides in Makkah tul Mukarrama. They are originally from the sub continent but have been in the Kingdom for the past fifty years now. Half the family members have already acquired Saudi nationality. Brother M enquired about my well being and then asked me to speak to his wife who was clearly very shocked and upset. Her sister is not a Saudi national as yet and she is married to a man from Bangladesh. She is a mother of four children and is expecting her fifth child. Without any prior notification her husband of 20 years has absconded and returned to Bangladesh. After missing for almost two days he finally called his wife from Bangladesh to inform her that he will be staying there from now onward with his Bangladeshi wife. He basically has been leading a dual life with a wife in Saudi as well as a misses in Bangladesh. She asked me for advise as she does not know how her sister will be able to support her kids. She is not an educated woman and never worked in her entire life.I guess that she was probably brought up in a home where females were not allowed to seek an education. If the woman resided in South Africa, she could probably get a part time job as a cashier or do a catering business from home. She could probably work in a supermarket or be a clerk at a school. Here in the Kingdom though, it is difficult for women to get a job and most families do not approve of the female members of the home going out to work. The male is considered the breadwinner of the family.If the woman was a Saudi national she could probably gain assistance from a government welfare department. The fact that she does not have Saudi nationality despite being born in the country makes things twice as difficult for her.I always wondered who came up with this model that the male is the breadwinner and the woman of the house should cook, clean and feed her family. Surely every human being has dreams and aspirations in life. Everyone of us have desires and dreams that we wish to fulfill. Islam has always been a forward thinking religion of vision. Islam has never been against women's education. It is society, customs and traditions that have created this idea that women should be subservient to their husbands, stay at home and look after their families. The first verses that were revealed to the Prophet (saw) was "Read in the name of your Lord who created--- Created man from a clot of blood. Recite and your Lord is most generous who taught by the pen. Taught man that which he knew not." Clearly God Almighty asks us to read. Through reading we educate ourselves. No where in the Quraan is it mentioned that women should not seek an education. An educated woman is an asset to society for she transfers her knowledge to her kids. I am really fortunate to belong to a household where my parents never ever differentiated between my brother and I. We were always treated equally and afforded the same opportunities in life.Dad has always been a visionary thinker. Whilst he did not complete his formal education himself, he always emphasized on the importance of seeking knowledge especially for a female because no one knows what lies ahead. There are some women out there who become widowed at a young age, there are others who are divorced and need to look after their kids. There are some women whose husbands are unable to work due to illness and in this case there are some women out there whose husbands run away leaving them with the responsibility of bringing up the children. If a woman has an education she is always able to provide for her family. She has something to fall back on.My "father" always says when you have money, you smell like honey and when you don't have money, you smell so funny. Whenever a family is in any financial crisis, society will only help in a limited manner. They may provide financial assistance on a few occasions and then they will become fed up and stop. This is the bitter truth.This is the sad reality. I honestly do not know how this poor lady is going to solve her problem but I do hope and pray that God Almighty makes it easy for her. For those of you out there who have a negative way of thinking with regards to educating a female child, I humbly request you to please reconsider your stance and view point regarding this matter.As the Prophet (saw) said,"If a daughter is born to a person and he brings her up,gives her a good education and trains her in the arts of life, I shall myself stand between him and hell-fire." (Hadith reported by Abdullah ibn Mas'ud).