There are approximately two million unmarried women in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. Whilst the prophetic prophecy holds true that there will be less men for women as the world nears towards an end the big question still remains, Why are there so many unmarried women in the Kingdom?Most Saudi men that I have spoken to prefer marrying a non Saudi woman.According to many of them Saudi women are arrogant and demanding, brought up with pride, demand high amounts of mahr(dowry) and simply do not know how to manage a home properly. Mishal (not his real name) is a 22 year old messenger that works in the hospital during the night. He told me that as soon as he got married he was already in huge sums of debt. He had to pay a total of SR100000 to his wife's family as mahr(dowry) as well as for the marriage party and the brides trousseau. In addition to this he had to also furnish the apartment that he is now renting.His wife comes from a home where she had a maid and a driver and so he will have to provide her with this as well in his home which is an added expense.To top it up all he also had to fork out money for the exotic honeymoon trip abroad. Mishal earns an average salary of around sr7000 and so according to him he feels a huge burden on his shoulders to pay off a huge debt that he has. In Saudi Arabia banks provide young Saudi males with loans to get married. This is a really ridiculous concept to me as there is no such a thing in Islam. Islam is a simple religion. The basic mahr or dowry that could be given to a girls family is usually Mahr e Fatimi which is equivalent to 10 dirhams or approximately 31g of silver. This will suffice as dowry. A man can give any amount of dowry that he can afford without placing himself or his family in any financial debt.
Marriage here in the Kingdom is like a business.Mr N related this really hilarious story to me two nights ago. His best friend wanted to marry his cousin whom he was in love with. He approached his uncle with a proposal and his uncle demanded a mahr(dowry) of SR50000. Mr. N handed over the money to his uncle a week later. His uncle promised to marry his daughter off within two months but this never transpired. The uncle took the SR50000 and gave it to another family as mahr(dowry) for his son. He then decided to marry off his daughter to another family for SR150000 mahr. This family agreed. Upon receiving the mahr money, he returned his nephews SR50000 and he was now left with SR100000 which was like his profit. Now mahr in Islam should be given to the girl. Her father or her family have no right to that money. But here in Saudi, the fathers or the family keep the money. At present, the nephew and the uncle are no longer on talking terms and there is a break in family ties and relationships all in the name of money.To top it up all, the uncles son gets married and after two months of marriage his wife demands a divorce. Now when a woman demands a divorce it is termed as 'khula" and the woman needs to return the dowry money that was given to her. Her father in law then decided that she needed to return SR50000 plus an additional SR30000 for causing the family grief and agony. I couldn't stop laughing when Mr. N related this story as none of this is per Islamic customs or tradition and yet this is the reality of marriages here in the Kingdom.
I met a lady in the haram in Makkatul Mukarrama a few months ago. She was a mother of three kids and her eldest son was 18 years old. She then told me that her husband is still paying her mahr money after 20 yrs of marriage. She said that her father demanded a high amount of mahr for her so that her husband will not be able to marry another woman in the future.
Coming back to Mishal, he told me that had he married a woman from outside like Malaysia or Indonesia he would not be in debt today. To add insult to injury, with his average salary he is saving up money to buy his wife a SR10000 handbag that she insists on having.He also has to pay the weekly beautician and spa bill which amounts to SR3000 every month. Clearly Mishal has more expenses than what he is earning and his wife doesn't seem to understand this. I was told that this is the mentality of most Saudi women.His wife does not cook and leaves all domestic chores to the maid. Every week she has a girls night out function to attend where she requires a new dress and needs to have her hair and make up done at a beauty salon.Saudi women in general are not the domesticated homely type. They prefer dumping all household chores and responsibilities to the maid. Even the kids are the responsibility of the nanny. There is no parenting system here.
Whenever I think about handbags I always remember a very dear friend of mine Mr. Al bin Ali. He hails from an aristocratic family that were the previous ruling family of Bahrain.He is a man of average built with the most gorgeous emerald green eyes, fair skin and pink lips. He has a really soft personality with true gentleman like etiquette. He always asks me why don't I carry expensive handbags. Whenever he goes to the airport he always notices Saudi women carrying the most expensive handbags many of them ranging from
SR 5000 to SR 50000. My answer would always be the same each time. A handbag does not define me as a human being and it doesn't make me the person that I am.When there are thousands of human beings suffering throughout the world how can anyone indulge in such extravagant luxuries at the expense of their poor husbands.Contrary to what the world thinks many Saudi men are heavily in debt due to the demanding lifestyles of their wives. Many of them live on credit and spend their lives working hard to pay off huge credit card bills.I find it most ridiculous that women here can squander thousands of riyals on make up and handbags but find it difficult to give that same amount of money away in charity.
There have also been numerous cases reported whereby fathers refuse to marry off their working educated daughters so that they can have control over their salaries. A female doctor working with a close friend of mine took her father to court because he refused to allow her to marry a colleague of hers simply on the grounds that once she is married he will not get a share of her salary. Luckily for her the court ruled in her favour and she was granted permission by the court to marry whenever she wished.
So to all the unmarried Saudi women out there. I know many of you despise Saudi men getting married to western women or women of other nationalities but the truth is that you only have yourselves to blame. Stop aspiring to lead a princesses life. Come back to reality and view life in a logical, realistic manner.There is nothing great about leading a princesses life.From my own experience most of them are delusional any way. Happiness in this world is not simply about materialistic gains or possessions. Throw away the un-Islamic marriage customs and traditions here and bring back the true spirit of Islam and the sunnah way of carrying out a marriage. Many of you have elaborate, huge, expensive weddings demanding thousands of riyals in mahr and yet after a few months the whole relationship lands up in divorce. Naturally if the intention of the marriage in the first place is materialistic gain then it is obvious that the marriage is bound to be doomed.Indeed the most blessed of all marriages according to the Prophet (saw) is a simple marriage!!!
