BIG FAT INDIAN WEDDING

http://www.caricature.com.sg/2007/01/caricature-theme-indian-muslim-wedding.html

" I'm tired and frustrated. Sometimes I feel I've had enough." said Jodi, a middle aged gentleman who specialises in stage decor for weddings.He works in collaboration with an events planner here in Johannesburg.Whilst having a hilarious conversation with him last night, I came to realise that I do not envy his profession at all. For those of you out there who have not attended or planned an Indian wedding let me inform you of how 'Big Fat Indian Weddings' really come about. In the past Indian weddings were simple and basic. There was nothing elaborate or fancy about them. My parents always recall attending weddings where paper rolls made up the table cloths and simple white plates and plain ordinary tumblers were used as crockery. In the middle of the table there would be one simple vase with a flower or two that made up the decor. Simple food was served like biryani and a sweet dish followed by tea accompanied with an assortment of cakes and biscuits. My folks always say that in those days the weddings were simple but they lasted. Nowadays, Indian weddings are grand and elaborate with one family trying to out smart the other one. Brides now travel abroad to do their trousseau shopping. Jewellery is usually custom made by designers in Dubai or India so that when the bride returns home she can brag about all the expensive designer wear she had acquired during her trip. For an events planner arranging an Indian wedding is always a nightmare. Many of the elite well to do families have a one week wedding celebration. There would be a henna party, a family barbeque, a day for the completion of the Quraan to bless the bride and the groom, the wedding day and then of course the walima function that is hosted by the groom's family. Usually, families make appointments with the wedding planner months in advance. Some brides even bring their uncle and aunts or cousins to meet with the wedding planner. So you can imagine what the wedding planner goes through when eveyone wants to give their input..." No, No,No...pink underplates are no longer in fashion, I want something else"......" But pink underplates do look stunning with the crockery"......

So for two hours the family bitches and moans ....errrr mind my language............about table cloths, underplates, crockery and chair covers and many of them still do not reach a definite consensus after their two hour appointment has elapsed. After numerous emails, phone calls and meetings, an agreement is reached and the poor events planner hands over a detailed quote to the brides family.As the wedding draws closer, the brides family starts calling the wedding planner every day to make sure that everything is under control. Most event planners would take fifty percent of their fee up front before the wedding and the rest of the money after the wedding on the completion of their job. Weddings are a stressful affair and usually a brides home becomes an abode of chaos and tension as the house is usually full of people, family and friends. The brides mother and sisters would usually shoulder most of the responsibility. The elderly women of the family would stay at the brides home for a week or two prior to the wedding. Some of the womenfolk are bright and bubbly and create a jovial atmosphere whilst some women simply come to the wedding home to stir up trouble within the family. My close friend who is an events planner recently related a story to me regarding a wedding event that he planned that stretched over seven days. On the first day he had to cater for Sunday afternoon lunch for 200 hundred people according to the contract. In typical "Indian style" 300 people came for the Sunday lunch. Naturally the food was short. Not the caterers fault of course, but naturally the poor events planner was in the firing line. On the third day of the wedding celebrations, the events planner only needed to provide crockery and table cloths for a simple buffet tea party after the completion of the Quraan by the womenfolk of the family. After despatching all the items, the caterer gets a call that he did not provide them with floating candles for the tables. Again, floating candles was not a part of the contract..Once again the caterer gets lambasted over the telephone by the bride, her mom or one of the 45th cousins or aunts. On the day of the wedding, the brides mom and extended family arrived at the wedding venue early in the morning. Everything was done perfectly, however, the brides aunt had to place her two cent input and ask the caterer to make a few changes. The brides mother was not happy with the changes and so once again the decor and draping had to be changed. Then the brides father had to have his say of course. The poor caterer had a hundred and one people sitting on his head. To make the situation worse, the brides cousins contacted the bride who was getting her hair and make up done and informed her that the hall does not look good. The bride in turn called the wedding planner and once again the poor soul was lashed out at by a highly strung bride. After a few calls, moaning and groaning the wedding venue was perfect. Their highly esteemed guests arrived and everoyne was taken a back by the beauty of the hall decor. As is typical of Indian weddings, guests are never appreciative of their invitations. They will still criticise and comment. " Oh my God, she is so beautiful but he is nothing to look at"....." She is so fair and he is so dark, beauty and the beast..what did she possibly see in him."......." Is that the brides mother? where is the grooms mom? Oh but that colour dress just didn't suit her at all" ...." The chicken was too salty and the steak was rock hard"....Some guests choose to bring containers to pack food in it to take home...." A wedding doggy bag lol". I guess it saves them the trouble and effort of cooking up a storm the next day after the wedding. What about those guests who have no patience whatsoever and start devouring the chevro, sukmook, papar, pickles and salad before the food is served and then start screaming at the waiters for more salad and pickles. They fail to realise that the catering company was only asked to prepare one salad bowl per table. Now when everything is greedily devoured the caterer is once again to be blamed. I am sorry to say this, but members of my community lack etiquette and discipline when it comes to attending weddings. In fact they lack etiquette across the board even when it comes to visiting the sick.

After a few hours of partying, meeting and greeting and overindulging at the wedding, guests leave and the brides father is down a few thousand bob with still a few thousand more that he still needs to cough up. In the mean time the happy couple leave for honeymoon to some exotic location. I always maintain that dating someone is different from a marriage type relationship. It is only once you stay with someone permanently that their true colours actually come to the surface. So during the honeymoon , the couple realise that they are not compatible with each other. The bride calls her family and complains about the groom and naturally the groom complains to his family about his wife's dominating attitude...." She wants to wear the pants and I just can't handle that."
Arguing ensues during the honeymoon and naturally when the couple return their families become involved in trying to patch up the relationship. Words are exchanged with both parties blaming each other until both families agree on a divorce. The girl returns to her family home with her poor dad still having to fork out mega bucks for a failed marriage.Weeks go by and the catering company now starts calling the family for their final payment. The brides father now starts playing hide and seek as he does not have the money to settle the bill. On the wedding day everything looked picture perfect. How did the two sweet, innocent looking mother in laws suddenly turn into 'murder in laws'?

Dear readers, this is how our Muslim weddings have become. This is what happens when human beings emphasize on materialism rather than religion and spirituality. People are getting married for the wrong reasons. Families can spend hundreds of thousands of rands on a wedding but they fail to pay their zakaat or give charity to the poor.Having a lavish, grand wedding does not make a person a great individual. Guests attend the wedding, eat a plate of food and then leave. Over a short period of time the wedding is forgotten. A great human being is one that is humble and down to earth despite having excessive wealth. A great human being is an individual who spends money on improving the lives of his fellow human being by building schools for the underprivileged, constructing hospitals for the ill and providing food to the malnourished. People will not remember you by the wealth that you possess but rather you will be remembered for the good work that you carried out in this world.Thousands of people will pray for your well being after assisting them during their times of need and difficulty. How can people throw away a million rand on a wedding when fellow human beings are dying of starvation and illness?Our weddings of today have become a mockery to the sunnah of our beloved Prophet Muhammed (saw)..It is all about pomp, grandeur and trying to outdo each other with catastrophic results at the end. Be simple, lead a simple existence, for verily simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.