Had a hilarious conversation with a friend of mine residing in Jeddah. He hails from an aristocratic family and is the father of two gorgeous children but is divorced for the last five years now. His family are urging him to settle down again. I was trying to explain to him the concept of the “samoosa run” that we have here in South Africa . He burst out laughing uncontrollably. For those of you who do not know what the samoosa run is, it is a strange way of finding yourself a bride. Usually a third party would initiate the whole thing. The groom’s family would meet at the potential brides home where tea and samoosas are served. The boy and the girl get a chance to interact and chat with each other and if they click on some level they continue chatting until a final decision is made with regards to marriage. In Saudi Arabia marriages are usually arranged with the immediate as well as the extended family playing a significant role. The parents would usually decide who their kids should marry. Usually alliances are formed to keep the wealth in the family or to allow for business expansion. The bride and the groom usually have no say in the matter. Whilst chatting, Abdullah asked me if I’ve ever been through the whole samoosa run experience.
‘Yes, of course I have. But not in the conventional way it should be done.” I replied. My family knows I’m not in favour of the samoosa run experience but I was always told to please be at home at a certain time as we would be expecting visitors. Personally, I did everything opposite to what should have been done lol. Usually the potential bride would come out with a tray of tea that she would serve to the potential groom and his family. My take on this idiotic practice is this, if the tea messes and she is unable to balance the tray with the tea cups she ain’t gonna be a good housewife. If the tea is served immaculately, she passes the test. Lol. As for me I failed the test miserably.
“ Sarah, won’t you please pour the tea for our guests.” You can imagine what the boy’s family must have been thinking at that point in time. I can never forget some of the funny questions I was asked.
“So tell me, you do work. Do you earn a good salary? How much do you earn? Nice to work but in our house you must be back at five o’clock. You have two hours then to make supper because we eat at seven o clock sharp. Hope you wear headscarf every day. My son won’t tell you anything but me, I like the girls must cover the hair. You dress pretty. I can see that. But if you marry my son, I will make you dress smarter. I will dress you like a doll.”My eyes popped at hearing that statement considering that the lady herself had no sense of style and fashion. There was no concept of colour co-ordination and overall she lacked finesse. Whilst the mother did all the talking, the poor son played the role of being deaf and dumb. He simply smiled acknowledging whatever his mother said with a subtle nod of the head. Needless to say I refused to be in a relationship where I was marrying his mother rather than him. Whilst the mother did all the talking, the father devoured the plate of samoosas with a nice hot cup of tea.
On another occasion I was scrutinized like an object. “She’s not too fair and not too dark so she will suit my son. Oh my word you work. What’s your profession? Oh so you a pharmacist. Do you have your own car. Definitely not a good match for my son. You too independent. My son runs a business and you will dominate him. Thanks a lot for the lovely afternoon. By the way the samoosas were so tasty.”
I’m generally a very outgoing extroverted person and hence in my line of work and through travelling I have met many people. I love making friends and I have no issues if a friend of a friend wants me to meet a potential beau. A few months ago I was introduced to a professional gentleman who is also looking to settle down. Unfortunately he was too serious and stiff for my liking. We met at a coffee shop in a mall and whilst window shopping I was stopped by a family who recognised me from facebook and my blog. So naturally I stopped to chat. Then we stopped at a curio shop selling gimmicky items like masquerade masks and so I had no inhibitions in trying on a mask. It’s all part of having fun. Eventually we landed up at the coffee shop. Placed our orders and continued chatting. His first question shocked me “Tell me on a more serious note. Are you substance abusing?” I choked on my cappuccino and said “What!! Yes I am. I am a peddle pusher by profession.”
Whilst staring at me with a stern look on his face he said that I was too bubbly, happy and jovial for his liking. The fact that I have huge eyes gave him the impression that I was taking drugs and hence on a high. I could n’t keep a straight face and wanted to burst out laughing at the ridiculous assumptions he made about me in less than an hour. After sipping the last bits of cappuccino we bid each other farewell knowing quite well that we have starkly opposite personalities.
For me , life is a beautiful journey. I spend my entire day being happy and I do love kidding around. I can never be surrounded by serious, unhappy people. The whole concept of the samoosa run just does n’t cut it for me. Whilst it is an opportunity to meet your other half the fact of the matter is that you will never fully know someone by chatting to them over an afternoon cup of tea with piping hot samoosas. Friendships and relationships progress over time. Its takes time to develop love, care and trust for someone. Relationships are not about how dark skinned or light skinned a person is. It is not about how tall or short she is. It is not about what she owns or has or how educated she is. It is all about how two people communicate with each other. If there is love, respect and excellent communication between two people the marriage union will succeed but if the outer appearance is more important than the communication factor, the marriage will land up in divorce. Unfortunately in this day and age, members of my community still seem to miss this point.
