As an inmate, I only have access to watch the National broadcasters’ 3 television channels and 1 free to air channel. The choice of programs to watch is very limited. I am unfortunately one of the millions of people globally, who watch soapies; for now. It is only out of absolute boredom and because of a lack of choice that I endure a daily dose of escapism. Soapies on the television screen are not the only source of mad behaviour, deception and affairs; the prison is also a source of entertaining events.
Many men in prison have cellular phones, through which they try to win the affection of ladies in the free world. Most of the time, all they seek is a sugar mommy, someone to spend freely on their needs. Their rate of success is very high, all things considered.Interaction with ladies also happens at the visit area. This provides the opportunity for a hug and kiss. It is also common to see inmates eyeing ladies coming to visit another, fellow inmate. These interactions often result in events worthy of a place on any of the popular soapies on television. I will share a few incidents to substantiate this.
A few weeks ago there was a terrible fight in a cell one night. The 2 occupants of the cell ended up in hospital, naturally because of a woman. Thabo had a girlfriend in the real world. A woman he had known for many years. Thabo and his cellmate, Martin decided to put their money together and buy a cellular phone. As they shared everything and were good friends, Thabo did not mind that his lady spoke to Martin when he was busy or sleeping. This carried on for over a year. When Martin thought Thabo was sleeping, he did not realise that Thabo often listened to his conversations, which were often what can only be described as phone sex. Little did Thabo know that Martin was getting his highs from Thabo’s lady.A few weeks ago, Thabo’s lady sent a picture of herself in a compromised position. Thabo was chuffed, thinking the raunchy picture was for him, but on closer inspection noticed that the lady had a new tattoo on a very intimate
body part. All hell broke loose when he realised that the tattoo was Martin’s name enclosed in a heart.
Thabo broke the cell’s window and started stabbing Martin, getting him to confess everything. Martin then somehow overpowered Thabo and a full on fight with broken glass ensued. Both men had time to talk it through as partners in the same hospital room for a few days thereafter.
Another crazy story involves one of the inmates I associate with regularly. James is a young man who is very conscious of his appearance, even when wearing a prison uniform. He gets visits regularly. One day, he was seated a fair distance from an attractive young girl. He could not help but notice that her eyes seemed to not be focusing on the boyfriend she was visiting, but on him. As the lady left, she slipped him a piece of paper with her name and phone number scribbled on it.
James started talking to the young lady and they found a liking for each other. The problem was that the ladies boyfriend is a notorious gangster in the prison. James came up with a rather ingenious way to get rid of his problem. He got the lady to bring pictures of the gangster as well as records of conversations with the gangster. This resulted in the gangster being transferred to the highest security facility in the country, quite literally in the middle of nowhere, where he only gets to make 1 phone call a month.
The deceitful way that this ‘relationship’ started in, did not prevent the couple from getting “engaged.” Only time will tell if this story has a happy ending.
Many men in prison have multiple ladies or “girlfriends” as they like to call them. It seems they like to not only keep their options open but also want to have financial support from more than one avenue. This “cheating” sometimes results in the guilty party being caught out in rather dramatic fashion.
I have witnessed on one occasion a literal cat fight between 2 ladies at a family day. Sipho, like most men enjoyed the attention of ladies. He had planned for 2 ladies to visit him on a particular family day. A family day is basically an extended visit which takes place on the sports field. Sipho arranged for one lady to visit him when the gates opened at 8am and for another to arrive at 11am; with the plan in mind to get rid of the first lady by then.The plan seemed to be going very well. By 9am, Sipho was locking lips and cuddling with his first lady of the day. During one of his kisses, he was abruptly disturbed by the sensation of wetness, only wetness where he did not expect it. Lady number two had come early and had seen her man being very intimate with another lady. She proceeded to empty her bottle of cold drink all over Sipho and his first lady.
Sipho did not know what to do or say, in fact all he and all the spectators did was watch in awe as the 2 women had an epic bitch fight. Sipho lost more than just 2 ladies, the fact that he had a cellular phone and was engaged in other illegal activities also came to light, resulting in him being punished.
These kinds of stories happen quite regularly with varying degrees of intensity and absurdity. They are however not only confined to interactions with ladies.A while back, at my previous prison there was a number of serious gangs fights. It resulted in many spending time in hospital with serious injuries and even with one man loosing an eye.The reason behind the mayhem was a young white boy. As 90% of the populous is black men, white meat is a sought after commodity. The leader of one of the prisons gangs had eyed the boy for himself. The young boy was very insecure and loved smoking weed. As he could not afford to maintain his habit, he became the gang leaders’ toy, offering his bum when it was desired.
Things got out of hand when a rival gang leader decided that he wanted a piece of the white bum. He proceeded to pay more for the services and went on to demand that the boy only serviced him. This then became the starting point for much bloodshed. Unfortunately for the man whore, he lost his eye amidst one of the many fights and subsequently lost his ability to lure clients.
Infidelity is not the only practice of soapies that is found in prisons. There is revenge, betrayal, backstabbing, fraud, stealing, cheating and every other vice known to man in some form or other. Such are the days of our lives...
