ABUSING OR BEING ABUSED - ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

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Abuse and domestic violence agianst women and children is rife within the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia as much as it is prevalent in other parts of the world. During the past few weeks the world has bared witness to gruesome atrocities committed against two women and a child. The first case that rocked the world was the brutal rape of the New Delhi student who later passed on in Singapore followed by the murder of a five year old child at the hands of her father in Saudi Arabia who also happens to be a religious cleric who propagated Islam on television. Just hours ago South Africans have been left shocked and speechless at the barbaric rape and assault of a 17 year old girl whose lower part of the body was slashed open and her intestines ripped out of her body. The victim passed away on arrival at the hospital. Within the last few days I have heard of a few stories of abuse that were related to me by different individuals. My Sudanese colleague brother Ahmed related a story to me that he had witnessed a few weeks ago in his neighbourhood. He was standing outside his home when he noticed a teenage girl crying and running frantically down the road with a middle aged gentleman running behind her screaming and shouting at the top of his voice. The girl ran towards the street corner where she encountered a car with a few young Saudi men. Her father was yelling at them to stop the girl. The young men got out of the car and apprehended the girl. They then took their Iqaals (the black ring that is worn on top of the shemagh or ghutra - the chequered scarf) and began to hit the girl. The girl pleaded with them to stop hitting her. Bearing the situation no longer my colleague went up to them and adviced them not to hit the girl but to rather communicate and find out what the problem is. It was discovered that the father was angry with his daughter for communicating on the telephone with her aunts son; her mother's sisters son. A friend of mine residing in Jeddah called me a few days ago to seek advice with regards to his family issues. His mother has been in an abusive relationship with his father from the time he was a child but continued to stay in the relationship for the sake of the children. His mother has now become a grandmother of many grand children and still the abuse continues. Being the eldest son out of ten children, he has encouraged and adviced his mom to divorce his father and marry again. His mother was married at a very young age and hence she is now in her late forties. He wants to give his mother the happiness that she has not experienced throughout her life. A few days ago prior to going to Madina, I bumped into a colleague of mine who seemed visibly disturbed. She is a middle aged woman, short and stout and is more of a motherly figure to me. When she is her normal self she is always bright, bubbly and jovial. When I enquired about her sadness I discovered that she has a daughter working in the Eastern province here in Saudi Arabia. Her daughter resides alone at the hospital compound whilst her husband resides in India with her kids. From the time that she got married her husband has never worked but rather demanded money from her. She has to work hard doing over time to pay for her son's university education. Her mother has asked her on numerous occasions to divorce her husband and move on but she refuses to divorce him due to the stigma associated with a divorced woman in India. According to her mother she is willing to sacrifice her happiness for her children. A Saudi friend of mine residing in Jeddah related to me a story about the plight of a South African Muslim girl married to a Saudi from Jeddah. Apparently the girl met the boy during an umra trip in Makkah during Ramadhaan two years ago. Whilst her parents were dead against her marrying a Saudi Arab, the girl was blown away with the Saudi gentlemans wealth and good looks. Both families met each other in Makkah, gifts were exchanged and of course the wedding ceremony occurred in Makkah as well. Not even six months had elapsed and the marriage was on the rocks. Her husband started locking her up in his mansion whilst he would spend the weekends in Bahrain and Morocco wining and dining numerous other women. She then asked her inlaws to speak to her husband and threatened to divorce him. After a few family meetings and discussions her husband agreed to change and hence for a month of two he was spending more time with his wife. During this period she fell pregnant but her husband was hardly with her during her pregnancy.I guess a leopard never changes its spots. He started being more abusive physically and verbally and even took away her passport preventing her from traveling or leaving the country. When her baby was born her parents came to the Kingdom to visit her and noticed that their daughter was not her usual self. After confiding in her family they all decided to assist her in leaving the Kingdom. Due to her family's strong diplomatic ties across the globe, she sought help from the South African embassy and managed to escape from the country on a private chartered plane. To be honest she was lucky to escape because she hails from an affluent family. Here in the Kingdom a woman requires permission from a mahram, be it a father, brother or husband in order to travel outside the country. Without this permission the airport security will prevent her from flying. As per Saudi law if a foreign woman divorces her Saudi husband, the children will remain in the Kingdom in the custody of the father. Hence she will leave the country without her kids. How can any mother stay away from her child?
These are just a few cases of abuse that were brought to my attention. I wonder how many more cases of abuse go unreported everyday within the Kingdom as well as in other countries across the globe. If you are victim of abuse reading this article then this is my advice to you: Everyone in life deserves happiness. If you deem yourself to be a victim of abuse then I strongly recommend you to seek help right away. Stay away from people who dampen your morale and lower your self esteem through their negativity and verbal abuse. This notion or idea of staying in the relationship for the sake of the kids is totally incorrect. Bringing up kids in an abusive and violent home will undoubtedly have a negatve impact on their lives and it may not show initially but their will be some negative influence later on in their lives. I know for a fact that especially within the Indian community, women who are abused do not report their situation to the relevant authorities simply because they do not wish for the world to know their " inside house stories". This attitide needs to change. Perpetrators need to be brought to the fore and examples need to be set so that the future generation of young men would grow up to understand the correct dynamics of a relationship and they will be equipped in dealing with issues in a relationship without displaying abusive behaviour. In the words of Flora Jessop,“To those who abuse: the sin is yours, the crime is yours, and the shame is yours. To those who protect the perpetrators: blaming the victims only masks the evil within, making you as guilty as those who abuse. Stand up for the innocent or go down with the rest.”