Does skin colour and gender really matter?

As Indians we have had our fair share of discrimination during the Apartheid era but what is sad is that we have chosen to discriminate amongst ourselves..Recently I attended a function and I over heard a grandmother stating the following, " In our family everyone is fair skinned..my grand kids though are chocolate in complexion but I do love them a lot." I thought to myself what a ridiculous statement to make. In a world where kids are born with deformities, cancer and other dreadful diseases shouldn't we be grateful and thankful that the child is normal and healthy. What does skin colour have to do with anything. I have come across parents who actually teach their kids not to associate with darker skinned children.I have also seen parents who tend to have a softer spot for a beautiful fair child over a darker skinned child. In India skin colour is a huge issue..If you browse through the matrimonial columns in a newspaper every groom and his mother is looking for a fair bride even though he looks like a bus knocked him..lol...A woman in India who is dark skinned is usually tormented by society due to her complexion. In most cases finding a groom would be difficult creating tension in the household. The girl could be kind..educated etc but because she is not fair she will be rejected. I recall being told as a child that I am so dark compared to my brother who is fair skinned with brown hair...It never bothered me in the least. 

We don't only discriminate against each other with regards to skin colour but we also discriminate with regards to gender. Recently I heard a horrific story of a dad who refused to see his daughter the day she was born simply because he wanted his first born to be a son. Naturally there was no real bond between the father and daughter. In some homes a male child is favoured over a female child. Some parents have this notion that the son of the home needs to get everything in his plate disregarding the daughters rights totally. Some parents still have this perception of one day the daughter will get married and her husband needs to provide for her. 

Some time back I was introduced to someone through a mutual friend. After a meeting or two I was told that I'm unattractive, unappealing, I have no sense of dress and I know too much. The only plus factor I supposedly had was a bright radiant clean heart. I thought to myself do I really need to be associated with such a fake superficial individual. Naturally I broke ties with the individual. I expect a person to accept me for me..for what I have on the inside. Beauty fades with time... heart and character remains forever. Characterize a person for their actions not their words or superficial beauty. True beauty is not what is on the outside it is what lies within. The sad part is that these same individuals who taunt others about their darker skin tones hurting people in the process actually act holier than thou...running for umra ten times a year.What is the point of praying when you hurting another human being. What is the point of praying when you are treating people in your own family differently due to the colour of their skin.And to all the men out there who seem to think that they are God's gift to women searching for a snow white wake up and smell the coffee.I wonder if miss world exists in your own household.I guess Indians will be Indians and some things will never change for thy kingdom come..I thank you Allah for allowing me to see people beyond their status, money, looks or profession. To me a cleaner and a CEO of a company is given the same level of respect..

Time to set the record straight

Indeed, it has been a tragic week in our community with the passing away of Mr, Aslam Khan, his wife and son in a horrific accident on Monday evening. On Wednesday we witnessed the tragic demise of a grandfather and his grandchild who burnt to death in a stationary vehicle that the grand dad set a light. What drove the man to commit such a vile act? We can ask ourselves a million and one questions but we won’t be finding the answers. It is quite unfortunate though that amidst the chaos of the entire tragedy there are certain elements within the community who have spread rumours stating that the reason the grand dad did this is because his immediate family was not good to him. They have accused the family of pushing him over the edge. How can people make up stories without knowing the facts? Do you want to know the real story? I will tell you what the real story is.

The grandfather was a devil in the words of his own children. His wife is a sweet, caring, loving woman and we are proud to have her as part of the Medix family. God has really blessed me with good employees who look out for each other. They speak about their lives and family issues openly and of course where we can help we do step in to assist. Over the past few weeks now my colleague has been coming to work literally in tears. Her husband was an abusive man. She always told us that ever since she got married, she never ever had a day of happiness. Last week, he took out a knife for her and tried to stab her. On many occasions he hit her black and blue. There were times he tried throttling her as well. As a team we encouraged her to get out of the relationship and apply for a restraining order against him. On the day of the tragedy we sent her to the police station to seek help and she was also going to move out of the house that very afternoon. She had finally mustered up the courage to leave this monster. After realizing that his wife was no longer going to tolerate the abuse any longer, he went ballistic and hence he committed this devious act. He might have been a smiling, happy man to the world but at home he had a vicious personality. She told us that even whilst praying, he would pull her by her hair and bang her against the wall. This poor woman endured this abuse throughout her married life. She remained in the relationship for the sake of her kids and out of fear as to what society will say if she left him. She was married to this monster as part of an arranged marriage against her will, a man who was 15 years older than her.

There is a part of me that feels that I could have done more to prevent what happened on Wednesday. Perhaps if she had left him a long time ago this would not have happened. The bottom line though is that this incident should be an eye opener to all those women out there who are suffering in silence. Why should you be the victim? These dogs who abuse women should be exposed within the community. They should be named and shamed. Why should they be given the right to walk around in town with their heads high? We Indian people have this shit mentality that abuse, rape and molestation only occurs in other communities but our own. Nonsense. (Kindly excuse my language)
Two days ago I heard that a grandfather, a Muslim Indian grandfather molested his own grand-daughter. These men need to be exposed. Have we reached a stage where we can no longer trust our own parents with our children? The imams and leaders of the community need to catch a wake up and start talking about these issues. Get it out in the open. Teach our men how to behave with their families. Teach our sons the etiquette of respecting a woman and another human being. Stop this mentality of hiding everything under the carpet and pretending that everything is perfect when in reality it isn’t. Don’t allow anyone to verbally or physically abuse you. Each one of us is entitled to happiness and respect. If you not happy in a relationship get out of it before it’s too late.

Beware of the online womanizer

                                                     (Picture: www.thefrisky.com)

So yesterday afternoon I received a call from a facebook friend who also happens to be a personal friend of mine. She is South African but resides in a neighbouring African country. She urged me to write a post about Muslim men who use the internet and dating sites to satisfy their womanizing personality traits. A friend of hers was chatting to a South African Muslim doctor who befriended her on facebook. As they started chatting more often they exchanged telephone number and BBM pins. This man promised her the world. He said that he was interested in her and desired to marry her. One day she decided to surprise him by calling him at the practice. When he answered the phone he told her that he does not know her from anywhere. A whole different side to this man’s personality emerged. Naturally she was heartbroken. My friend decided to find out more about this doctor. It turned out that he was someone that she knew as he resided in the same town as her parents here in Johannesburg. He of course did not know her. So she sent him a friend request and the same pattern followed. He befriended her, exchanged BBM pins, promised her the world and when she called him he said that he does not know her from a bar of soap. May be someone else hacked his facebook profile and is now pretending to be him.

Recently, I received an inbox message from a Muslim man who obviously created a fake facebook profile to find women. This is the message he sent me, “Salaam. I am a 36 year old married Muslim man with 2 kids. You do not know me but I follow your posts. I must say you hot and intelligent too. I am looking for a mistress or a second wife for sexual reasons only. I do not want any more kids. The relationship would have to be secretive. Money is no object. I will buy you an apartment and give you a monthly allowance as well. My facebook profile does not have my real details. I will reveal my real identity in person if you agree to the arrangement.”

Recently, I severed ties with a friend who is a well known professional man but had the nerve to chat to other women on a dating site whilst claiming that he was enjoying getting to know me.  When I confronted him, his response was, “I love being close to a woman. You need to come to terms with the fact that if I am chatting to Sumayya, I am also chatting to 8 other women and getting to know them.” My response was, “Go to hell. You do not deserve a woman like me and I will never choose to be involved with a man that has no respect for a woman. You may be up there in front of your colleagues and the people you deal with. But in my eyes, you ‘re an ass.” The sad part is that this same person has a few unmarried sisters in his house. I know he would be devastated if someone hurt his sisters but it’s perfectly normal behaviour to hurt another woman. Why? Because it is not our own flesh and blood.

If you truly care for someone you will not be hurting them by visiting a dating site every now and then to check if there is someone better out there. In my opinion only a sick womanizing man would behave in this manner. These type of men are selfish. They have no respect for a woman. The only people they care for is their own family and of course themselves. But they fail to understand the concept of what goes around must come around. Today they have lowered the self esteem and morale of someone else’s daughter, tomorrow their own sister will be played.

My advice to all women out there is this: Be very careful with who you interact with online. There are loads of sick people out there. If you lonely and wish to be in a relationship with someone, rather ask a mutual friend or a family member to introduce you to someone.  Don’t become a victim to a womanizer. It’s just not worth it. 

Zainub Priya Dala I support you

                                                    (Picture taken from The daily Vox)

                                           

This morning I was interviewed on Channel Islam with regards to the assault case against a Durban-based South African author Zainub Priya Dala. For those of you who are not aware of the story, Zainub Priya Dala was a guest at the “Time of the Writer” literature festival in Durban and as part of the festivals outreach program she traveled to Chatsworth  for a workshop where she addressed learners and students at a community centre. Whilst interacting with the public she was asked which writers she admired to which she replied quite casually Arundhati Roy and Salman Rushdie. After mentioning the name Salman Rushdie some of the learners and teachers stood up and left. Later that afternoon she started receiving threatening text messages from complete strangers asking her to repent as a Muslim woman for admiring the work of Salman Rushdie. Then last week Wednesday whilst driving in Durban she was followed allegedly by three Muslim men in their early thirties. They tried pushing her off the road and eventually when she stopped at a busy intersection, the men assaulted her. They took out a knife and placed it across her throat and then smashed her face with a brick leaving her bleeding on the side of the road before speeding off. Dala mentioned that they screamed at her calling her “Rushdie’s bitch”

In this morning’s interview I was quite shocked that the presenter asked me if the author is Muslim. For a start what does being Muslim have to do with the fact that three Muslim males assaulted a woman. No religion condones violence or beating up people simply because they do not conform to mainstream ideologies. What I find quite interesting is that many South Africans have not even read the Satanic verses to understand why the book is considered blasphemous. The mere fact that they hear the name Salman Rushdie triggers the aggression within them. I have read the Satanic verses and whilst I do not condone everything that the man has written I have to acknowledge the fact that the man is a literary genius. He has an excellent command of the English language and his style of writing is unique. We need to take cognisance of the fact that he has not only written the Satanic verses. Of course, it is this one book that catapulted him to fame for all the wrong reasons but he has written many other books like “Midnight’s children” and “The ground beneath her feet” which were literary masterpieces that received international acclaim.

The assault on this Durban based author allegedly by three Muslim men was an act of cowardice on their part. It was a disgusting act that totally goes against the teaching of Islam or any religion for that matter. The presenter shocked me even more by stating that whilst the act was unacceptable maybe she needed to be more careful and respected the sentiments of the community by not mentioning Salman Rushdie, that perhaps in this case freedom of expression did not apply. He chose quite a silly rationale by stating that if you were in Israel as a traveler would you mention the name Adolf Hitler and speak about the Holocaust.  To which I replied that you cannot compare South Africa to Israel. The demographics of each country is very different. We reside in a democratic country where we are allowed freedom of speech and expression. The public has a go at the president of the country on social media. Muslims residing in this country are not a law unto themselves. We do not live in some isolated island. We reside in an integrated society and we need to respect the laws of this country.

A few months ago Mufti Ismail Menk was assaulted by a group of Muslim men in Durban who did not agree with his views on certain aspects of religion. Does this mean that Mufti Menk should start respecting the sentiments of that community and stop voicing his opinion on live television? The irony about this whole assault case is that no where did the author speak about Islam or religion. No where did she say that she agrees with what is written in the Satanic verses. All she said was that she admires the way he writes.

The three men who assaulted her are idiots in my opinion. It is people like this who tarnish the name of Islam and give Muslims a bad name. Had they not assaulted the author I am sure that no one would have even spoken about the Satanic verses again. What they have done in actual fact is ignite curiosity into people making them aware of a blasphemous book that should not be given any importance in the first place. We always speaking about bringing people into the fold of Islam, but how will Non Muslims view us if we have Muslims bashing up Muslims simply because our opinions on certain topics differ. It is an absolute shame and a disgrace.  At one point in the interview, the presenter mentioned in a subtle manner that perhaps these men have a staunch outlook to religion and the fact that she mentioned Rushdie’s name made them undertake such vile actions. Whether you are staunch in your faith or not is not anyone else’s concern but your own. You have no right to beat up another human being especially a woman and that‘s the bottom line. You may be staunch, you may be preaching your whole life, you may be praying five times a day but you will still go to hell as a result of bad character and the way you treat your fellow human being. As South African Muslims we need to stand up in unison and say that this kind of behaviour is not acceptable within our communities. The Prophet (saw) treated his enemies with respect and kindness. He invited people to Islam peacefully. It is sad that the very same people who claim to love their religion and to love the Prophet (saw) behave like animals contrary to the Quraan and the sunnah of our beloved Prophet Muhammed (saw). 

An interesting question indeed

I was chatting to a patient this afternoon and she asked me a very interesting question... why don't South African Muslim kids learn the sitaar or the tabla or the harmonium considering that some of the greatest singers and musicians coming out of India and Pakistan are in fact Muslim...why has it become a dying art form in this country... I smiled.. I had no answer.... But then I replied that today's Muslims have become fanatical.. one tracked narrow minded. Instead of focusing a child's energy on developing skills we are more concerned about brainwashing a child's mind against other sects or other Muslims who are different to us. Yes we need to teach children about religion.we need to teach them right from wrong..we need to teach them about Islam but we also need to teach them about loving humanity and accepting people for who they are. I think in this country there is a stigma attached to a Muslim person who is a professional dancer or musician. You automatically become branded a bad person with no character. That's how you are judged. On the flip side of things, you can be a drug dealer but if you have a beard and you wearing a kurta you are a good man..We look at others based on outer appearance and yet no one will ever know what lies within. King Abdullah passed away on a Friday.. Muhammad rafi saap passed away in ramadan. They may have been bad to the world. But in His eyes they may have had special qualities within them that pleased their Lord ..qualities that we couldn't see.There was a well known aalim who resided in SA. He passed away a few years ago. He was well versed in Quraan... Arabic etc... He was the guest of presidents... universities etc etc... He had a daughter who was a champion ballerina.. She studied abroad and married a revert but was just as well versed in Islamic studies as her dad.... Through ballet she brought people into the fold of Islam......South African Muslims reside in a cocoon....We are so quick to condemn and judge...I have come across Muslim families who actually teach their kids not to befriend Hindu, Christian or Jewish kids.... the kids are brought up only having Muslim friends.... This is definitely not what Islam teaches us...My patient is right...It is rare to find an Indian child playing a cultural musical instrument in today's times. I think we need to revive this tradition of our forefathers..Now before you start attacking me about halaal and haraam etc... this is my opinion and I'm not here to discuss religion or fight with anyone.so please don't even try going down that road. 

                                             (picture courtesy bilingualkidsrock.com )

Abida's Frail Care Centre

22 October 2014

I returned to the pharmacy a while ago shattered and heartbroken. My colleague and I cried inconsolably as we left aunty Abeida’s frail care centre earlier this afternoon. I have heard about the old age home and read articles about the good work aunty Abeida does but it is only after visiting the home myself did I realise the seriousness of the situation and how strong minded a person has to be in order to look after 17 old people. Aunty Abeida and her caregivers look after the elderly with a smile day in and day out but only they know what they going through on a daily basis. I have no words to praise the love and dedication that she shows towards the elderly. Her paradise is truly made in this world.
When a family friend passed by the pharmacy last week telling us that the facility requires donations in order to survive and continue, my colleague and I decided that we were going to visit the frail care centre ourselves. I got mom to make some cupcakes and cookies and off we went this morning. There are two homes, one for the males and one for the females. The home where the females are living belongs to aunty Abeida. She converted her home into a frail care centre. In the past she use to also reside in the same home. But now due to space issues, she has moved out into a flat that she rents. Arriving at the home, we were greeted by aunty Abeida and the well trained care givers.
Then we walked into the lounge where the women were sitting watching television. Zee Tv seemed to be their favourite channel. Whilst there was a fake smile on their faces, their eyes were filled with an inner sadness. Dorianne and I greeted all of them and we then decided to have tea with them. Over a cup of tea, they each had a turn to talk about themselves. They felt happy that someone was giving them a hearing, someone actually cared and bothered to visit them. As we heard their stories, Dorianne and I broke down literally. We tried hiding our tears, but we couldn’t. They wanted to be hugged, touched...All they crave for is a little bit of love. Our hearts broke when I was confronted by a frail middle aged lady asking me if I’m here to take her home with me. I smiled and told her that I will take you soon to my home for lunch or a picnic. She held Dorianne’s hand and then she broke down, “Why did my children do this to me? After everything I did for them why do I deserve to be here?”
What shocked me most was the fact that many of these women were from well known wealthy families. I was quite disturbed to hear that the one woman is actually the mother of a well known Muslim television presenter. The man is always on his high horse acting proud and full of himself on television. He is always at every charity and community event and yet he and his family have dumped his mother in the old age home and have never visited her in years. The poor 88 year old woman is dying inside from pain and hurt. She told me that every day she watches her son on television. She becomes so emotional that sometimes she walks towards the television and hugs it as though she is hugging her son. Having known this gentleman on a personal level, I have lost all respect for this man and his family. With all the knowledge and education that he has, how can anyone be so heartless towards their own mother? It is because of his mother’s prayers that he is where he is today. The saddest part about the whole thing is that when aunty Abeida calls the family to ask her for funding to look after their mom they always have excuses. They never have money yet they are the big shots at every community event. They keep on telling her that the money is in the account yet it is never transferred. Aunty Abeida showed us text messages as well as financial statements related to the frail care centre. An animal has more feelings for their siblings and parents then these bastard children who have no shame to dump their own flesh and blood in an old age home for someone else to look after their parents.

There was one lady from Roshni. She also hails from a well known wealthy family and her daughterin laws have refused to look after her yet these same tarts are looking after their own mother’s. A few of the lady’s were never married and so they always resided in their parent’s home. When their parents died, their brothers literally threw them out of the house wanting the house for themselves or for their kids. The one lady hailed from a wealthy family residing in Laudium.
Almost everyone there had a sad story to tell. Last week apparently a gentleman in a sports Audi rocked up at the old age home. He simply got off of the car and dumped packets of nappies into the caregiver’s hands for his mom. His mother was a few meters away from him but the asshole did not look at his mother, neither did he greet her. Her heart was shattered. She was heartbroken.
After spending time with the ladies, we bid them farewell and made our way to the frail care home for the men. At present there are eight men living in the house. The rental at the house is R12 000 per month. At present it is Aunty Abeida’s biggest concern. She requires funding and donations to be able to sustain both the homes. In addition to the rent, she needs to pay her staff, buy their chronic medication as well as buy groceries, nappies etc. Her salary bill is in the region of R35 000 per month.

At the men’s home, we were welcomed by old middle aged men basking in the morning sun. They all had their own life stories yet they appeared more happy and jovial than the women. They begged us to join them for a cup of tea and when we decided to leave they insisted that we make a promise to visit them again. The one gentleman’s story broke my heart. It reminded me of the story “Bhaagban.” The children separated their parents. The man resides in the old age home simply because his wife is too old and sickly herself to look after him. She resides alone in a flat in town. Their children do not wish to have anything to do with them. Another man hailed from Mpumalanga and when he recently got critically ill, it took his family two days to come to Jozi to visit him. Aunty Abeida thought the man was dying. When his family returned home, they sent aunty Abeida an email telling her that if he dies, she must go ahead and bury the man. She must not wait for them to arrive.
A few months ago there was an sms circulating by a moulana who visited the frail care centre. The only thing the man sadly noticed was the fact that the elderly are looking at zee tv and that Islamic channels and radio stations needs to be introduced into the home. DSTV has Islamic channels and radio but the elderly love watching zee tv. It doesn’t mean that if you old you are suddenly dead. You are still alive and kicking. You still have dreams. You still allowed song and dance. You still allowed entertainment. I am surprised at how narrow minded this moulana is. Did he not notice that these people are in dire need of love and tender loving care? Did he not notice that they require paint on their room walls and a bigger garden space to enjoy the sunshine. On the topic of Moulana’s I was shocked to hear that another well known preacher’s son took a loan from aunty Abeida years ago when he was in financial difficulties. Years have passed by and the man refuses to return the money. When aunty Abeida approached his father, a respected preacher who talks about halaal and haraam etc on television, preaching night and day to the whole world, she gets told a mouthful. “My son will commit suicide because of you. He does not have the money. He will pay you on his time”. She asked for the money not for herself but to continue sustaining and maintaining the frail care centre.
At present the two homes are located quite a distance apart from each other and it is becoming increasingly difficult for aunty Abeida to manage both homes. She is looking for a premises whereby all 17 people can be accommodated under one roof with a big garden area outside. This is where the Christian and Jewish communities beat us by far. They have proper frail care facilities with their own ambulance services etc. The old people are entertained throughout the day. Why can’t the Muslim community do the same? Muslim business owners need to get together and embark on this kind of a project as soon as possible. There is a dire need for it now. The team at Medix pharmacy have pledged our support to aunty Abeida’s frail care centre and we will assist wherever we can.
As I type this short account of my visit to the frail care centre, the tears continue to roll down my cheeks. To the public and youth out there who are reading this article, I am not urging you but rather I am begging you to visit the home. These old people are longing for love and care. Stop by with some goodies and take a few minutes to chat to them. Crack a few jokes with them. Make them happy. Show them that they are still loved, valued and cared for. Make them feel special. Go pick them up and take them to your home for an afternoon lunch or a picnic at the zoo lake. They don’t go anywhere coz aunty Abeida does not have a minibus vehicle. She only has a car.
I am truly blessed to have been raised by parents who have always welcomed anyone and everyone to our home who required help and assistance whether they were friends or family. By helping someone else and by visiting the elderly, God Almighty opens up our doors in ways that you cannot imagine. He engulfs our own home with blessings, joy and happiness.
To the kids of these middle aged men and women this is my message to you:
Whilst I pray for you and hope that God Almighty changes your evil wicked dirty hearts towards your parents, I also feel pity and sorry for you. Why, because God sees the pain inside the hearts of these old men and women. He sees the hurt and you know what, in the same way that you have hurt your parents, Gods punishment will strike you one day but ten times worst. I have not realised that such despicable human beings exist on this earth until today. At the same time, I thank Allah for opening my eyes and softening my heart towards humanity. After today’s experience I will only strive to be a better human being towards everyone around me especially my parents who have sacrificed their lives for my happiness. I love you mom and dad with all my heart and it is only because of your prayers and hard work that I am who I am today.

If you wish to make a donation to aunty Abeida's frail care centre kindly contact her at: 082 554 0223


23 September 2014


I would like thank those facebook friends who have taken the liberty to contact aunty Abeida and offer their assistance to her after reading the article that was posted yesterday. May Allah reward all of you in abundance. There are a few other points I forgot to mention. The kids of these frail men and women have the nerve to come to the frail care centre and make their parents sign off their belongings to them under duress. I think it may be a good idea if a lawyer visits the home to lend a helping hand when it comes to these issues. These old people are also entitled to their own pension money. The kids need to bring that pension money to their parents. It is so disgusting to think that whilst these rich kids with their wives are enjoying a life of luxury, their parents do not even have a medical aid. These asshole children refuse to get their parents onto a proper medical aid facility. I can not believe that you get women out there who come from low class homes, then marry into wealthy families and before you know it they call the shots, throwing the queen of the home on the street. It tells me a lot about the upbringing of these kind of women. Their aim and goal in life is to acquire wealth, name, fame and money.. But the day the tables turn, I feel these women really sorry. I would also like to clarify and put an end to the false rumours that have been making rounds with regards to Abeidas frail care centre. There are gossip mongers in the community who can not do anything for another human being and yet find it perfectly alright to slander those people who are trying their level best to do good towards others. When aunty Abeida expanded the frail care centre by acquiring another home to house the men, there was a rumour flying around saying that through all the donations she acquires she has bought another house for herself. She is gone rich and abusing funds. How can you slander and accuse someone of doing wrong without finding out the facts. I seen the facts yesterday in black and white. The home that is used to house the men, belongs to a woman by the name of Sharifa and aunty Abeida has to pay a monthly rental of R12 000. I hope this information will now put that rumour to rest once and for all and shut the mouths of aunty Abeida's critics.

The great samoosa run experience

                                                    Picture courtesy www.artlink.co.za


Had a hilarious conversation with a friend of mine residing in Jeddah. He hails from an aristocratic family and is the father of two gorgeous children but is divorced for the last five years now. His family are urging him to settle down again. I was trying to explain to him the concept of the “samoosa run” that we have here in South Africa . He burst out laughing uncontrollably. For those of you who do not know what the samoosa run is, it is a strange way of finding yourself a bride. Usually a third party would initiate the whole thing. The groom’s family would meet at the potential brides home where tea and samoosas are served. The boy and the girl get a chance to interact and chat with each other and if they click on some level they continue chatting until a final decision is made with regards to marriage. In Saudi Arabia marriages are usually arranged with the immediate as well as the extended family playing a significant role. The parents would usually decide who their kids should marry. Usually alliances are formed to keep the wealth in the family or to allow for business expansion. The bride and the groom usually have no say in the matter. Whilst chatting, Abdullah asked me if I’ve ever been through the whole samoosa run experience.
‘Yes, of course I have. But not in the conventional way it should be done.” I replied. My family knows I’m not in favour of the samoosa run experience but I was always told to please be at home at a certain time as we would be expecting visitors. Personally, I did everything opposite to what should have been done lol. Usually the potential bride would come out with a tray of tea that she would serve to the potential groom and his family. My take on this idiotic practice is this, if the tea messes and she is unable to balance the tray with the tea cups she ain’t gonna be a good housewife. If the tea is served immaculately, she passes the test. Lol. As for me I failed the test miserably. 
“ Sarah, won’t you please pour the tea for our guests.” You can imagine what the boy’s family must have been thinking at that point in time. I can never forget some of the funny questions I was asked.
“So tell me, you do work. Do you earn a good salary? How much do you earn? Nice to work but in our house you must be back at five o’clock. You have two hours then to make supper because we eat at seven o clock sharp. Hope you wear headscarf every day. My son won’t tell you anything but me, I like the girls must cover the hair. You dress pretty. I can see that. But if you marry my son, I will make you dress smarter. I will dress you like a doll.”My eyes popped at hearing that statement considering that the lady herself had no sense of style and fashion. There was no concept of colour co-ordination and overall she lacked finesse. Whilst the mother did all the talking, the poor son played the role of being deaf and dumb. He simply smiled acknowledging whatever his mother said with a subtle nod of the head. Needless to say I refused to be in a relationship where I was marrying his mother rather than him. Whilst the mother did all the talking, the father devoured the plate of samoosas with a nice hot cup of tea.
On another occasion I was scrutinized like an object. “She’s not too fair and not too dark so she will suit my son. Oh my word you work. What’s your profession? Oh so you a pharmacist. Do you have your own car. Definitely not a good match for my son. You too independent. My son runs a business and you will dominate him. Thanks a lot for the lovely afternoon. By the way the samoosas were so tasty.”

I’m generally a very outgoing extroverted person and hence in my line of work and through travelling I have met many people. I love making friends and I have no issues if a friend of a friend wants me to meet a potential beau. A few months ago I was introduced to a professional gentleman who is also looking to settle down. Unfortunately he was too serious and stiff for my liking. We met at a coffee shop in a mall and whilst window shopping I was stopped by a family who recognised me from facebook and my blog. So naturally I stopped to chat. Then we stopped at a curio shop selling gimmicky items like masquerade masks and so I had no inhibitions in trying on a mask. It’s all part of having fun. Eventually we landed up at the coffee shop. Placed our orders and continued chatting. His first question shocked me “Tell me on a more serious note. Are you substance abusing?” I choked on my cappuccino and said “What!! Yes I am. I am a peddle pusher by profession.” 
Whilst staring at me with a stern look on his face he said that I was too bubbly, happy and jovial for his liking. The fact that I have huge eyes gave him the impression that I was taking drugs and hence on a high. I could n’t keep a straight face and wanted to burst out laughing at the ridiculous assumptions he made about me in less than an hour. After sipping the last bits of cappuccino we bid each other farewell knowing quite well that we have starkly opposite personalities.
For me , life is a beautiful journey. I spend my entire day being happy and I do love kidding around. I can never be surrounded by serious, unhappy people. The whole concept of the samoosa run just does n’t cut it for me. Whilst it is an opportunity to meet your other half the fact of the matter is that you will never fully know someone by chatting to them over an afternoon cup of tea with piping hot samoosas. Friendships and relationships progress over time. Its takes time to develop love, care and trust for someone. Relationships are not about how dark skinned or light skinned a person is. It is not about how tall or short she is. It is not about what she owns or has or how educated she is. It is all about how two people communicate with each other. If there is love, respect and excellent communication between two people the marriage union will succeed but if the outer appearance is more important than the communication factor, the marriage will land up in divorce. Unfortunately in this day and age, members of my community still seem to miss this point.

Bold and beautiful is now a reality

                                                 Picture taken from Google images

I thought weird relationships and strange stories only occurred in the movies, but I was shocked at the weird real life stories that are occurring in our own back yard. Had a patient a few weeks ago who totally blew my mind away with his story. He was married to a foreign national for a number of years and was oblivious to the fact that his wife was in actual fact a real life prostitute. He only found out when a friend of his showed him obscene pictures of her floating on the internet. He always thought that his wife was a high flying business woman involved in the import and export business field. Hence she was always loaded with lots of money. The reality though was quite shocking as she turned out to be a high end escort and prostitute accompanying high flying South African businessmen. When he approached his wife with the evidence, she committed suicide. A few years later the man decided to remarry. Whilst he enjoyed a few years of marital bliss he was shocked to discover when his wife fell pregnant that she is in fact HIV positive. He then realized that he had infected his wife and that his first wife had infected him. Luckily with extensive ARV treatment the child was born HIV negative.......... Here's another shocking story, it seems that Muslim socialites residing in the Houghton and Sandton areas are not shy to play the wife swapping and husband swapping game, and let's not forget Laudium men meeting up with bored socialite Houghton and Sandton women in Rosebank hotel rooms. Yes folks, this is the life of the rich and famous within the Muslim community. A patient of ours divorced her husband as he wanted her to join a wife swapping club and also expected her to wear skimpy clothing and visit clubs on a Saturday night which was totally against her principles as a Muslim woman. To add insult to injury she also found out that her daughter in law was chatting up men on various chat sites on the internet. One day she decided to follow her daughter in law who made her way to a Rosebank hotel. There she discovered that the daughter in law was actually chatting up her husband (father in law) who created a fake profile on an internet chat site. Can you imagine the expression on their faces when they met each other. Such disgusting behaviour on the part of the daughter in law and the father in law. A father in law should be an authority of the home, the head of the family and a daughter in law should be concerned about her husband and her family. I guess that is the result of being a bored housewife... After all an idol mind is a devils workshop..I am not a club person at all and I honestly believe that a club is the devil's playground. Men and women dressed in skimpy clothing with loud vulgar music and alcohol flowing is not my idea of fun but with more and more Muslim men and women frequenting such places, it is a clear indication that the Luciferian regime with its head quarters in Hollywood is winning the cause of brainwashing our young people and steering them away from religion and pushing them towards self destruction. I wonder how many of you actually know about Hollywood celebrities and their rise to fame. How many of you know about MK Ultra mind control programming. Hollywood celebrities don't just rise to fame. They were groomed through programming techniques from kids. They have sold their souls to the devil in return for name and fame. Hollywood songs and music all have underline dark themed subliminal messages promoting satanism and of course sex is the main theme. Why sex.... Because sex magic rituals is very much a part of satanism. Our magazines are riddled with subliminal messages that the common man will fail to see. We all get carried away by the beautiful woman on the cover of a magazine wearing skimpy clothing and we all wanna be like her.. The truth is, all those images that we see is air brushed.Wearing mini skirts with bums and boobs hanging out is so cool. Right... Wrong.. Its cheap and trashy. No woman of class and elegance would actually dress that way. I have met many celebs in real life and most of them are actually ugly in reality. Lighting and make up is the trick to beauty. They create an illusion of beauty to the masses who in turn start revering a human being as their God instead of worshiping and revering God Almighty. It is so sad to see millions of people just existing without actually seeing the real world, without really understanding why is the world the way it is...

The official opening of the Seven Seas Signature Spa

This post should have been written a few days ago but my life at present is like a roller coaster ride. I am totally focused on getting our family pharmacy up and running.Hence at present I'm playing building contractor, HR manager, Stock controller along with getting through one meeting after another and in between all of this I'm still trying my best to blog and share my life events with all my blog readers.

The Seven Seas Signature Spa officially opened on the 12th of October 2013. The opening of the spa coincided with a weekend souq at the Image Lifestyle  Wedding and Conference Venue that attracted many people from far and wide. Channel Islam International was also broadcasting live from the event. The highlight of the event was undoubtedly meeting and interacting with the world famous Waahid nasheed group. Catch my exclusive interview with the group in my next post hopefully. To commemorate the opening of the spa a program was put together that included talks by various dermatological and cosmetic companies along with a fashion show. The Waahid nasheed group was roped in to entertain the crowd and my word, they performed spectacularly. Whilst the women gathered inside the conference centre for the formalities,  the dad's had an opportunity to spend quality time with the kids outside and also browse around the various stalls. My family and I got to conference centre a few hours before the official opening ceremony so that we could take a walk around the stalls. I was particularly impressed with the ice cream and cake pin cushions that were on sale along with the photography stall that specialized in magazine type picture albums. I definitely want to create a magazine family album in the future as a rememberance. Other items on sale included the usual abayas and scarves along with household accessories. I could n't believe that not one store catered for shoes when I desperately needed a pair. lol. One section of the venue was dedicated to weddings and functions where guests had an opportunity to view different table setting arrangements in line with the latest trends and fashion.Hats off to Unusual Functions for the stunning table decor. The food at Salma's food stall was absolutely delicious. Every single dish from the biryani to the kebaab and roti as well as the chicken tikka and steak burger was spiced to perfection. Well done aunty Salma for taking care of our tummies and satisfying our taste buds. I was pleasantly surprised to have met and interacted with many facebook friends who instantly recognized me. I always seem to get the same line though," OMG you look just like your facebook picture"..lol...Yes it is me ...How else am I suppose to look..,.lolol. After lunch, mom and I made our way inside the venue for the much anticipated opening ceremony program. The master of ceremonies for the afternoon was Dr. Bhabha from Beauty and Curves located in Bedfordview. I must say though that she really had a tough time being an MC considering that the hall was packed with women chit chatting at the top of their voices. As is customary in Islamic culture, the function commenced with a recitation of the Holy Quraan by Hafez Zunaid Saloojee. Thereafter there were talks presented by various dermatological companies about their range of skin care products. I personally found the talks too detailed and in depth for a Saturday afternoon. The talk that captivated me was undoubtedly by make up artist Jose de Silva. His bold style coupled with his foreign accent and gentleman like demeanour definitely caught the attention of the female crowd.."My darlings, please make sure you wash your hair four times a week..My darlings you must pamper yourself to a manicure and pedicure. My darlings you must do facials more often to give 

yourself a more youthful look.....my darlings....my darlings.....my darlings..he continued."

In between the talks, the audience had a chance to view garments from world renowned fashion houses. Models strutted their stuff on the ramp in hideous looking shoes to the tunes of famous Arabic singers like Amir Diab and Nancy Ajram. Two of the models almost took a tumble..... I  was particularly impressed with the Moda Lounge range of clothing as well as the elegant evening dresses from Dockrats clothing store in Fordsburg and Lenasia. The range of clothing by the Benoni based designer Naseema was elegant and flowing with the exception that all the designs looked similar making it a boring lacklustre range in totality. Considering that 95 percent of the audience was predominantly Muslim, I was quite disappointed with the holiday range of clothing as well as the wedding gowns. I don't think a Muslim woman would be walking down the aisle in a boob tube or parading the streets of Rome in a mini skirt. Design houses should have come up with more innovative styles to suit the needs of a modern Muslim woman. You can wear hijaab and still look chic and elegant. A woman who dresses modestly can be as sexy as a woman in a mini skirt. Guests also had an opportunity of winning prizes, such as free hair care products or a free massage treatment etc etc. The women were going crazy to collect their prizes. After all the talking and the fashion show, guests were treated to a light snack meal. The tables were laid out beautifully. I have no words to describe the sheer perfection of each and every platter on the table. The pictures speak volumes for themselves. The only disappointing bit is that mom and I did not get one snack to nibble on as Indians do not know the difference between a snack and a meal. Women greedily filled up their plates to the brim as though food was running out of fashion. Within minutes everything was swiped. I could n't believe that women from so called elite high class homes behaved in this manner.I guess its a case of " we don't eat such tasty food in our own homes so lets gobble it all up or its free chows, quick let's devour it all up and save a few pennies." lololol..I guess that's how the rich get richer!!

If you wish to view more pictures of the event simply click on the link below:

https://www.facebook.com/sumayya.mehtar/media_set?set=a.10152333636667782.1073741855.739292781&type=1

Sophia book event at the University of Johannesburg

As I drove off into the sunset yesterday evening heading back home, I couldn't help but ponder and reflect on the lovely afternoon I had at the Sophia book event held at the University of Johannesburg. What was discussed at the event was absolutely relevant and typical of what is happening to many women in South Africa including Indian women from rich and affluent homes. Gender based violence or violence against women is definitely a topic that society needs to bring to the fore. A few days ago a lady cashier at one of the shops mentioned to me that she was surprised to see a well known woman from within the community arriving at the shop with dark glasses on. Upon further investigation she realized that the woman was beaten up and hence the area around her eyes were blue. The abused woman however stated that she knocked herself into the door covering up for her husband. Hence, this woman has stuck in this abusive relationship for many years whilst her husband walks tall in society. Women are selfless creatures. God has made us this way to endure pain and to sacrifice for the sake of our families. But, then I wonder.. why should we be always sacrificing. No matter how powerful a woman is in terms of education or if she is a successful business woman, the minute a woman steps into her house she is immediately taken over by a patriarchal system whereby the husbands rules and regulations take over. Frankly speaking, I do not agree with this. Whilst a man is the head of the house, the wife should be his equal and she should have a right and a say with regards to the running of her home. This issue of gender based violence is prevalent across the globe. In countries like Yemen, Pakistan and Afghanistan women are abused to such an extent that acid is thrown on their faces, thereby disfiguring them for life. Hats off to Shafinaaz Hassim, for her involvement in gender based violence and for creating an awareness about this issue through her books. South Africa needs more women like this to support and encourage these abused women to come out of the closet. Every human being has a right to lead a happy and fulfilling life. If a man has dreams and aspirations so too do women. A woman's dreams don't just fade and wither away the day she marries or becomes a mom or a wife or a daughter in law. My advise to all women out there is this, if you are in an abusive relationship please please please, seek help. Talk to someone..go for counselling. We only live once, so let us all enjoy this life that God has blessed us with. Live your life to the fullest and follow your dreams.

Mystic India World Tour - A show not to be missed

After reading rave reviews about the Mystic India World Tour currently in South Africa, my family and I decided to grace the event at Emperors Palace on Friday night. The artists danced the night away to a capacity crowd mainly Indian of course, although I was quite surprised to see many White and African people enjoying the production as well. The producer and brainchild behind the show is Mr. Amit Shah who along with his entire world class team put together a show that enthralled and captivated the audience for the entire duration of the program. The show not only celebrated Indian Cinema's 100th anniversary but it also took the audience down memory lane showcasing Indian folk dances going back many decades in time. The narrator of the show Mr. Sanjay Sahni, who I had an opportunity of interacting with after the show, did an excellent job of taking the audience down memory lane. His voice quality and fantastic command of the English language mesmerized the audience as he related the story of the mythological Elephant God in Hinduism Lord Ganesha, Lord Krishna and Radha's story and  the story of the legendary Moghul king, King Akbar who married a Hindu princess Jodha bhai thereby sealing the unity of Hindu and Muslims in India during the 16th century.Every story was accompanied with a beautifully choreographed dance sequence. We were taken to Porbandar, the birth place of Mahatma Gandhi in India.Gandhi arrived in South Africa  in the year 1893. It was a fantastic idea on the part of the production team to include the story of Mahatma Gandhi as it unites Indians from South Africa with the native Indians from our motherland, India.The presentation took us through various cities in India where different Indian dance forms originated from. Bharat natyam, which is a very erotic dance form originates from Tamil Nadu, South India. The movements of an authentic Bharatanatyam dancer resemble the movements of a dancing flame. We then celebrated the festival of spring in India commonly known as Holi. The dancers took to the stage with beautiful, brightly coloured outfits and danced happily with enthusiasm and grace thereby making the audience feel as though they are also apart of this colourful festival.I was really impressed with their eye and facial expressions. The Bhangra dance originated from Panjab and watching the dancers do the Bhangra made me want to get off my seat and join them. We then traveled to Uttar Pradesh where the Kathak dance form originated from. According to Wikipedia, a kathak performance is traditionally divided into two distinct formal parts. The technical part is full of intricate rhythmic structures woven around a preordained rhythmic pattern. They include swift and masterly footwork called tatkar and exquisite circular movements or chakkars. Rhythmic units are woven around sort of long patterns called tukras and toras respectively. The other part of kathak employs bhav or abhinaya which elucidates the emotive content of the subject matter. 

The highlight of the show though was undoubtedly the acrobatic act performed by Rajesh Mudki, Rajesh Amrale, Ashwin Rawal and Naresh Kashiramjadhav. Their performance was based on an old Indian warrior art of Mallakhamb. According to Wikipedia,originally mallakhamb was introduced as a supporting exercise for wrestlers. "Pole mallakhamb" was started by Balambhattdada Deodhar sometime between 1800 and 1810. Later on, his student Damodarguru Moghe realized that only major grips can be developed with a pole and used cane instead of a pole. Subsequently, the unavailability of cane resulted in rope mallakhamb. Almost 25 to 30 types of mallakhamb apparatus were tried and tested over the years. Up until today this technique is still utilized by the Indian army as part of a soldiers training program.

Prabhu Deva is undoubtedly one of India's best when it comes to dance and choreography and hence a dance show would be incomplete without showcasing his dance style. The dancers did a fantastic job pulling off every Prabhu Deva move effortlessly and flawlessly to the famous song "Muqabala Muqabala". Of course as we moved towards the end of the show, modern day Bollywood song and dance was showcased to an audience that witnessed Indian culture and tradition at its best. Hats off to the 26 member cast that performed with their heart and soul.

The female dancers were Kruti Shah, Hiral Shah, Rupal Joshi, Rachel Higbee, Andrea Palesh, Anjuli Bhattacharyya, Brielle Simonelli, Katerina Lott, Melissa Cammarata, Zimone Mincey, while the male dancers were Jack Tyler, Joseph Barnett, Raphael Niba, Reginald Webber Jr, Donnel Lewis, Bryan Soto, Adam Bourque. I was particularly impressed with the stunning hand made costumes that included traditional Indian clothes from the various regions in India. From what I heard over five hundred costumes were required for the show. The lighting and sound effects was definitely of a high international standard. No Bollywood show can be complete without professional musicians. Rohan Dahale and Manuraj Rajput played the tabla and the flute with absolute finesse and perfection proving to the world yet again that when it comes to music and song compositions India reigns supreme over the rest of the world. The only downside to the show for me was, it was too short.I wanted to see more of Bollywood.  The one and a half hours flew by like water. I guess time flies by when you having fun. :)))

                        Picture courtesy https://www.facebook.com/EmperorsPalaceResort

Indian musical night at the Image Lifestyle Wedding and Conference Venue

So I  left for the concert on Saturday evening and returned home in the early hours of Sunday morning after enjoying a really fun and entertaining evening. The food was excellent especially the delicious aloo parathas with cheese and spring onions. The dessert and cakes at the tea time table were equally delicious. There were a few guests complaining about a lack of variety in terms of vegetarian dishes and so the organizing team should take this into consideration when organizing the next event. I would also suggest serving popcorn on the table whilst guests are viewing the show. Overall, hats off to Mr. Altaaf, the owner of Image Lifestyle wedding and conference venue and his team for putting together a well organized show.It was really good to see people from all walks of life, young and old enjoying the various genres of songs belted out by local artists who are undoubtedly the cream of the crop and the best in the country as far as local talent is concerned...Music and singing though not acceptable in Islam according to many scholars, has always been my passion. I have started learning how to play the piano a few weeks ago and I must admit that it is not as easy as it looks. Its difficult and my fingers tend to ache and swell quite often.Hence I truly appreciated the way in which every member of the band played their instrument with absolute finesse and perfection. It was also a wonderful sight to see many people supporting our local artists who are not too far behind from international Bollywood stars in terms of their singing capability as well as stage presence. If we want our local artists to excel and achieve international status, it is imperative for all of us to support and encourage them.As the saying goes 'Local is lekker.'

I just had to add pictures of the gorgeous female lavatory at the venue....posh, grand and opulent.....fit for a queen....designed by Aadil Saith..