A few safety tips for women

The facebook page Voice of Democracy shared this useful piece of information on my profile page. I thought I'd share this important info on my blog as well.

Share & Spread the Message Guys!

Girls Be Careful -
"Friends please share this info. with your
sisters..."
1) What should a woman do if she finds
herself alone in the company of
a strange male as she prepares to enter a lift
in a high-rise apartment late
at night?
Experts Say: Enter the lift. If you need to
reach the 13th floor, press all
the buttons up to your destination. No one
will dare attack you in a lift
that stops on every floor.
2) What to do if a stranger tries to attack you
when you are alone in your
house, run into the kitchen.
Experts Say: You alone know where the chili
powder and turmeric are
kept.And where the knives and plates are.
All these can be turned into
deadly weapons. If nothing else, start
throwing plates and utensils all
over.
Let them break. Scream. Remember that
noiseis the greatest enemy of a
molester. He does not want to be caught.
3} Taking an Auto or Taxi at Night.
Experts Say: Before getting into an auto at
night, note down its
registration number. Then use the mobile to
call your family or friend
and pass on the details to them in the
language the driver
understands .Even if no one answers your
call, pretend you are in a
conversation. The driver now knows
someone has his details and he will
be in serious trouble if anything goes
wrong. He is now bound to take
you home safe and sound. A potential
attacker is now your de facto
protector!
4}What if the driver turns into a street he is
not supposed to - and you
feel you are entering a danger zone?
Experts Say: Use the handle of your purse or
your stole (dupatta) to wrap
around his neck and pull him back. Within
seconds, he will feel choked
and helpless. In case you don’t have a
purse or stole just pull him back
by his collar. The top button of his shirt
would then do the same trick.
5} If you are stalked at night.
Expert Say: enter a shop or a house and
explain your predicament. If it is
night and shops are not open, go inside an
ATM box. ATM centers always
have security guards. They are also
monitored by close circuit television.
Fearing identification, no one will dare
attack you.
After all, being mentally alert is the greatest
weapon you can ever have.

Please spread it to all those women u care
for their safety.

Cupcake Hubby...:)))))))

" Hai Baghwaan, Kya zamaana aagaya (oh my God, What times have come?)" Savitri mumbled as she made her way through the front door of her beautifully furnished, opulent home. Huffing and puffing, she made her way to the black leather lazy boy massaging chair that was situated in the corner of the room adjacent to the sliding door that exited to the swimming pool and main entertainment area of the house. " Agnes, bring me a glass of water" she shouted. Savitri is a typical traditional Hindu lady who worked very hard for most of her life in her husbands laundromat and tailoring business. She made sure that all four sons became doctors abroad at a well known prestigious university.Two of her sons reside in the same neighbourhood a few doors away and Rushil and Keval married European women and settled in Paris. Savitri is short and stout in stature and not the tiniest of individuals around might I add. Despite being overweight, she chooses to wear trendy saris with matching accessories and high heel shoes but always fails to conceal the rolls and folds around her waist area. I always wondered why does she have to expose her ' Firestone tyres ' in public. Nonetheless she is a bright, bold and vivacious character who seems pretty comfortable in the skin that she is in and I guess doesn't really care about what the general public think about her. Her husband Rohan on the other hand is a meek, submissive individual in my opinion. He is a middle aged man and even after the grey hairs have set in there is no doubt that Rohan must have been a strikingly good looking handsome man in his heyday. Nowadays he is retired and spends most of his day taking walks around the neighbourhood, swimming and spending time with his grandchildren. He is a well groomed man always sporting trendy elegant athletic wear along with a designer watch. Rohan looks ten years younger than most men within his age category as he does spend a lot of time looking after himself in terms of eating the correct foods and visiting the gym regularly quite the opposite to his wife Savitri who spends most of her time at home cooking up a storm for her grandchildren and being involved with elaborate tea party afternoons with the elite women of the community. Rohan stares at his wife as she gulps down the glass of water.
" Savi, why don't you start going to the gym? It would be good for your health. You wouldn't feel so tired and out of breath.'
' No, No. What nonsense. I need to be at home cooking for the kids. Prakash and Aditya only like my hand food. You know how their wives are. Both my daughter in laws are so useless. All they know is fast food and take away.. No, no, my sons need wholesome, home made food. I wonder what my angrez (English) daughter in laws are feeding my poor babies in Paris. They must have lost so must of weight. Next week I will make pickles, chevra and other frozen items to take with us to Paris. Need to fatten them up again whilst we there.."

Rohan simply nods his head and continues reading the newspaper. " Hey, did you see the newspaper Savi? Renukha's daughter in law, Latika is in the paper. She is now promoted to being the head of Baragwanath hospital. I am sure her husband and family must be so proud of her." Rohan looks at Savi with sheer delight and happiness showing on his face.
" Yes, I just came from their house." Savi replied.
" I wanted to visit Nandi Bhen after her operation. Hai Bhagwaan. Latika was sitting in front of the television doing her nails whilst her husband Ramesh was cooking dinner and trying to feed baby Simran at the same time. He said he was helping his wife as she was tired and exhausted after attending a day of meetings.What a sissy boy that Rohan is. What a shameless woman to make her husband slog in the kitchen whilst she sits like a rani in front of the television'
"Savi, zamana badalgaya. Times have changed. Let the kids lead their own lives." Rohan replied to Savitri in an irritated tone.
Savitri was really not in the mood of listening to Rohan's long sermon which she has become quite accustomed to hearing in recent times so she quickly decided to get up and make her way towards the kitchen. Just then the phone rings.

Does the above scenario paint a very familiar picture to you? I am sure it does. Within the Arab and Indian communities in general, the women are meant to cook, clean and take care of all the household domesticated chores. Our grandparents were brought up with an old school of thought whereby the women were meant to slave away for their husbands. Take for example in our household, dad is the youngest of 7 brothers and hence he was very spoiled by his mom. Naturally, when he got married he expected the same kind of vip treatment from my mother. Hence, to this day my mom has taken care of all the household and domesticated chores without dad having to worry about anything. With none of the men in our home having a keen interest in assisting with household tasks, mom was very impressed with our guest from Pakistan, Jamal who assisted mom in the kitchen a few days ago by making all the rotis for dinner. Naturally, when dad and my brother walked into the house they were quite surprised to find him rolling out the rotis in the kitchen. A strange phenomenon for them I guess, they simply walked past the kitchen with a huge smile on their faces.

I don't know where this idea or notion stems from that it is the duty of a woman to take care of household chores. Even from a religious perspective a woman is not obliged to be solely responsible for household and domestic chores. Rather a woman carries out these duties out of love and affection for her husband and kids.The Prophet Muhammed (saw) set a universal example for all men by assisting his wives with domestic and household related chores. Whilst it is very difficult to change the mindset of our parents and grandparents, I think that the mothers of today should try implementing changes within their homes. Both sexes should be treated alike.Boys should also be given domestic household chores to carry out like ironing, washing the dishes and even assisting in cooking simple meals. These skills would definitely assist them in creating a life of marital bliss years down the line. A husband who assists his wife with domestic related tasks creates an environment of sharing and caring. It is only natural that any wife who has a supportive partner would love her husband in return and go out of her way to fulfill his needs and desires thereby creating a heavenly home environment. As Mary Kay Blakely once said," If my sons are to become the kind of men our daughters would be pleased to live among, attention to domestic details is critical. The hostilities that arise over housework...are crushing the daughters of my generation....Change takes time, but men's continued obliviousness to home responsibilities is causing women everywhere to expire of trivialities." And on that sweet note I now present you with a picture of beautiful tempting cupcakes that were baked by a friend of mine who resides in South Africa. He is a doctor with a tremendous passion for cooking and baking. The woman he marries will definitely be one lucky soul. That's for sure.

 

 

 

Sophia - a novel by Shafinaaz Hassim

Shafinaaz Hassim is an artist who dabbles in words and colours. She lectures in Sociology. Being an avid fan of Rumi, it is not surprising that she is an accomplished poet as well as a women's rights activist. She is also the author of Daughters are Diamonds (2007), Memoirs For Kimya (2009) and Belly of Fire (ed 2011). Her latest book Sophia- a novel has received critical acclaim all over South Africa to the point that during the premiere night of the movie Race II, at Avalon Suncoast South Africa, the group director, AB Moosa made special mention about the book in lieu of his links to the Real Men Campaign against gender-based violence, and presented a copy to the Indian Consul-General. Having received full coverage with regards to the launch of her latest book in the Sunday Times, The Post and various other national publications, I am truly honoured to be able to interview a charismatic and dynamic woman who has chosen to highlight pertinent and hard hitting social issues that undoubtedly affects all societies across the globe through her books. Read on to find out more in her own words.

Nationality: South African

Education Background: I studied undergrad Bachelor of Architectural Studies at Wits, and then changed course and undertook an Arts degree instead. I completed a Masters in Social Science at the University of the Witwatersrand in 2003

Pet Peeve: People who don't have basic social ettiquette and respect, and who display racism, sexism, superiority etc.

Drink that you would order at a coffee shop: Cappuccino or Chai Latte

1. Firstly, thank you for agreeing to be interviewed despite your very hectic lifestyle.So tell me who is Shafinaaz Hassim? Tell me a little bit about your background. Where were you born? Basically a brief synopsis of your life from a child up until university.
I grew up in a small city called Polokwane and went to a local school in an area that was under apartheid times, reserved for children who came from Indian families. Growing up in a close-knit community meant that everyone knew everyone else, and im grateful for the nurturing environment that familiarity provided. I moved to Johannesburg when I was 18 in order to study Architecture at Wits, before I found my delight in the Arts faculty. I had always enjoyed writing, but only once I had the choices of psychology, sociology, african literature, philosophy and political science, did I realise that I'd found my place. My Masters thesis provided the inspiration for my first book which was published in 2007, dealing with women's biography and aspects of how women are objectified and the stigma of perceived deviance that they face in traditionalist societies.

2. Focusing on your latest book Sophia, the main theme of the book highlights domestic violence within a typical South African Indian family. What inspired you to write a book about a pretty much taboo subject within the Indian community? Have you been a victim of abuse or have you come across family members or friends that are a part of an abusive relationship?
As a trained sociologist, with a specific interest in women's narrative my first book, Daughters are Diamonds, really documented the begins of my research into womens lives, and the various themes that came about as a result of being subjected to the honour code. And from the courses taught based on the book, and writings that developed afterwards, I realised that the issue of domestic violence needed more debate and in order to do so from within the Indian Muslim community, I started writing it using fiction instead of analysis. I wanted to reach an even larger audience with this topic, taking debates beyond the realm of academia. The characters in the book are constructed of various interview data from stories of abuse.

3. Was writing always your passion? When did the realization set in that you wanted to pursue a career in writing?
I've kept a journal since the age of about 12, and delighted in making regular notes of my thoughts and experiences. these written journals soon became yearly cd's with documents copied off my computer, and then i began a blog called http://memoirs4kimya.blogspot.com in 2005. When the writings began to collect an audience (something I hadnt anticipated) the writing changed from personal reflections to poetry and prose that reflected the work that i was doing. In 2009 i published a blog to book collection of poetry and prose, called Memoirs for Kimya. It is a tribute to the spiritual reflections of Rumi's adopted daughter, Kimya.

4. Your books have received international recognition.I am sure that the journey though was not all smooth sailing. What were some of the hardships you faced in terms of following your dream and wanting your books to be recognized on a national as well as an international level?
Well, when my first book was launched, I could never have anticipated that it would turn national bestseller of its own accord. The intention was merely to take research that may have stood on a library shelve and put it out onto the public domain so to speak in order to allow people to read and comment on its findings. A year later I was invited to present a course based on the book at UKZN, and while presenting courses, seminars even at Humboldt in Berlin and at the University of the Witwatersrand, I began to write up the stories in fiction, either short stories, a collection of which was published as part of a collaborative work in 'Belly of Fire' in 2011 and this novel, 'SoPhia' in 2012. The response and demand for stories has taken a snowball effect, and has been able to penetrate even commercial spaces in a rather small reading market as is South Africa. Internationally, books and ebooks are sold online via the various Amazon portals as well as in the bookchains in the Emirates, and in India.

5. What topics and subjects are you the most passionate about?
Women's issues, the cultural laws that administer womens lives, and issues that pertain to how Muslim women are perceived and portrayed by media, are topics of great interest to me. I also take a great interest in ways to improve literacy in general.

6. If someone could grant you one wish and you could choose to have any skill or talent in the world, what would it be?
  I wish that I could heal pain. We're a world so filled with trauma, that I wish I could help to dissolve and erase some of it.

7. What are your favourite websites?
Twitter of course :) I get all my headlines, updates, news and interaction at Twitter.

8. What are your thoughts on polygamous relationships?
  I think that transparency is important. In many instances, women are unaware of their rights and men are not mindful of their responsibilities and so then, instead of working towards strengthening our social structure, as is the case with numerous examples in SA society, women and children end up being put to a disadvantage in terms of inheritance, issues of care, etc. if men claim that their right to remarry is a sign of Righteousness they need to also be made conscious of their responsibilities, the implications of equal treatment and fairness and not use it to exploit the women.

9. If you were not a poet/lecturer/author what would you be doing?
 I would be living on an island or at the coast, painting, of course...

10.What is your opinion about interfaith marriages?
 People make decisions on how to live together based on mutual understanding, and interfaith marriage is largely dependent on the intention of each partner and the responsibility to each other as well as their belief system. If how you felt about something as defining as a life philosophy or belief was greatly opposed to how your partner felt, the long term status of that relationship might not be guaranteed. But I believe that early on, they would need to communicate what their marriage would mean in bringing up children, etc. If they're able to define and agree on the parameters, it can work.

11. Define success...What does success mean to you?
  I may figure this out when I arrive there someday...for now, there's still much work to do

12. Where do you see yourself five years from now? What are your future plans?
I continue writing, without a timeline, as long as a shift in thinking can happen with every project, the future will take care of itself

13. As you do know that Saudi Arabia is a country where limited women's rights exist. Women are not allowed to drive and can only pursue a career path within specific sectors mainly teaching and healthcare. Only recently the King has afforded women the right to vote and be a part of the Shuraa Council. What advise would you give to Saudi women who are trying to make their voices heard within a dominant patriarchal society?
Saudi women should be writing more, making their voices heard in online and print media, and speaking in forums of engagement where womens issues can be raised and discussed, as well as where women are able to learn and be empowered around their rights.

14. What advice would you give to a young student who wants to pursue a career in writing?
Best advice if you want to be able to write, is to read! Read in every genre that you enjoy, and keep a creative journal to write in. But first, read.

15. Through your books you have given the public an opportunity to change their mindset with regards to domestic violence and abuse. What other methods could we as a society adopt in order to bring about effective change?
I think that as a society, we need to stop thinking that crime affects someone else, and that domestic violence is a private issue. another problem we encounter is victim blaming. we need to take responsibility as a society, and instead of standing back, we need to get involved wherever we can in order to find solutions.

16. I assume that you follow the Islamic faith. Do you think that our Imaams in the masjid can play a bigger role in terms of highlighting social issues such as violence against women, drug addiction and abuse against the elderly?
I definitely think that raising the issue in the mosques will do much to create a greater awareness of social ills and more than that, the lobbying of our Imaams around community issues, and their ability to bring the community together with the intention to put proactive programmes together to eradicate the problems can be a progressive and effective method. It can already be seen that faith based organisations garner much support for various forms of activism around political and societal issues.

Once again, thank you Shafinaaz for taking the time to answer these questions. Desert Moon wishes you all the best in your future endeavours!!!
If you wish to get in touch with Shafinaaz you may contact her through her twitter and facebook pages.
Twitter: www.twitter.com/shafinaaz or @shafinaaz

Facebook: www.facebook.com/ShafinaazHassim

You may also interact with her through her blog. I highly recommend you to visit her blog. Her writings are filled with inspiration and her poetry is simply thought provoking.
Blog Address: www.memoirs4kimya.blogspot.com


A brief review of the book Sophia - a novel in the authors own words.

The book's main characters, Zarreen and Akram, are a 30-something married couple, with three children, living in Johannesburg. Their marriage is an extremely violent one, but Zarreen believes it is her social duty to keep silent for the sake of her children. Her parents think she's happy. Akram is a successful businessman who likes to win. As a foil to the main couple, Zarreen's brother and his wife experience the typical ups and downs of married life, but misunderstandings never turn violent. We are made to see the impact that events have on each of the children. Zarreen relies on her sister for advice, and mostly she confides in her housekeeper, Selma, with whom she shares a friendship, but she in turn dispenses advice to Selma to leave an abusive boyfriend - advice she doesn't take in her own marriage.

SoPhia was written not only to tell a story, but to move beyond the assumptions we make about abusive relationships and to reveal avenues for healing both victims and perpetrators. It is about what we expose young children to, and how we treat each other, and ourselves.

'Sophia' is published by WordFlute, and is retailing at R180. The book is available at selected stores in South Africa but can be purchased online as well.

124-year-old Muslim woman refused to sell her religion for money and fame

 

The head scarf was the only hindrance in the way for the oldest woman in the world to enter the so-called Guinness World Records.

124-year-old Palestinian Maryam Hamdan Ammash, her sons and grandsons refused to meet the condition of the Guinness team for the aged woman to take off her head scarf and appear on TV.

Maryam's family members said that their grandmother who has performed the Haj (Pilgrimage) five times in her life and performed Umrah ten times refused to commit a sinful act even for getting eternal with entering the Guinness World Records.

"There have been serious discussions about Maryam entering the Guinness World Records breaking the record of the French Jeanne Louise Calment who lived 122 and a half years. A team of the Guinness team visited Maryam and her family last March to this end", said Mahdi Helmi Ammash, a grandson of Maryam in an interview with Gulf News.

"Armed with official documents including her birth certificate, identity card and other documents, we will not give up our grandmother's right to enter the Guinness World Records for the longest human lifespan even after her death," he said.

Maryam died last Saturday after she lived for 124 years and scores of people from around the world are attending her ongoing condolence session held in her home village of Jisr Al Zarqa'a, near Haifa of the 1948 areas.

Maryam who held a Turkish birth certificate and an identity card which clearly stated that the woman was born in 1888, became undoubtedly the oldest woman in the world.

"This fact is beyond doubt and that all officials who paid visits to my grandmother have confirmed it and this is documented with the family", said Mahdi.

Maryam had ten children, the youngest of whom died a long while ago. With four sons and five daughters who survived, she had hundreds of descendants, estimated at 600.

"Maryam's grandsons were grandfathers when she died as the grandmother of four generations," he said.

"Maryam's relationship with her children, grandchildren and their children and grandchildren was astonishing, knowing them one by one and following their lives in details," he said.

"The wise Maryam, despite her old age, was the spiritual leader to all her family members who trusted her views and followed them almost blindly," he stressed.

The woman was known in her village to be totally focused and balanced and she acted as a paediatrician who provided medical treatment for the newly born and infants.

"We keep instruments which Maryam carefully kept since the Turkish rule in Palestine to treat the little ones", he said, adding that visitors from around the 1948 areas visited Maryam seeking treatment which she provided for free.

The aged Maryam was an active woman despite her years and known to be a social entity who visited people on all their occasions.

When a representative of the Guinness told her that they can make her a well-known personality, she answered with a question - "And will that make me happy?"

Representative, with a little hesitation, replied that probably it would make happy her and her family.
She asked a second question:
"How old are you?" To which he replied - 43.
She smiled and said - "And most of all, you are not a Muslim ...?"
Surprised man asked why these issues may be of any importance and what she wanted to say?

To which Maryam replied.
- "You are old enough to distinguish between what is right and what is not. But you are not a Muslim. That means either you are too small to distinguish truth from delusion, or you are an imbecile. Because only a child or imbecile would believe that it will make him/her happy to be glorified among the same mortals like himself. When he risks being thrown into shame in the eyes of the Creator.
So what should I choose - the woman said - to be glorious amongst those themselves are inglorious or to be glorious amongst the lucky owners of the Contentment of the Creator, me, you, him and all those whom you represent"?

Guinness representative did not know what to say.
Maryam said:
- "Go away and grow up to start thinking if you do not have the answer. And I promise not to die until you get back - she joked at the end".

The most surprising fact was that the man embraced Islam in 7 months afterwards. And after another 4 months Maryam Hamdan Ammash died.

It is quite a mystery - why Guinness Book needed the old Muslim woman to remove her scarf ...?

Source:
http://www.kavkazcenter.com/eng/content/2013/02/03/17338.shtml

ABUSING OR BEING ABUSED - ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

http://abusebites-com.doodlekit.com/ - Picture

Abuse and domestic violence agianst women and children is rife within the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia as much as it is prevalent in other parts of the world. During the past few weeks the world has bared witness to gruesome atrocities committed against two women and a child. The first case that rocked the world was the brutal rape of the New Delhi student who later passed on in Singapore followed by the murder of a five year old child at the hands of her father in Saudi Arabia who also happens to be a religious cleric who propagated Islam on television. Just hours ago South Africans have been left shocked and speechless at the barbaric rape and assault of a 17 year old girl whose lower part of the body was slashed open and her intestines ripped out of her body. The victim passed away on arrival at the hospital. Within the last few days I have heard of a few stories of abuse that were related to me by different individuals. My Sudanese colleague brother Ahmed related a story to me that he had witnessed a few weeks ago in his neighbourhood. He was standing outside his home when he noticed a teenage girl crying and running frantically down the road with a middle aged gentleman running behind her screaming and shouting at the top of his voice. The girl ran towards the street corner where she encountered a car with a few young Saudi men. Her father was yelling at them to stop the girl. The young men got out of the car and apprehended the girl. They then took their Iqaals (the black ring that is worn on top of the shemagh or ghutra - the chequered scarf) and began to hit the girl. The girl pleaded with them to stop hitting her. Bearing the situation no longer my colleague went up to them and adviced them not to hit the girl but to rather communicate and find out what the problem is. It was discovered that the father was angry with his daughter for communicating on the telephone with her aunts son; her mother's sisters son. A friend of mine residing in Jeddah called me a few days ago to seek advice with regards to his family issues. His mother has been in an abusive relationship with his father from the time he was a child but continued to stay in the relationship for the sake of the children. His mother has now become a grandmother of many grand children and still the abuse continues. Being the eldest son out of ten children, he has encouraged and adviced his mom to divorce his father and marry again. His mother was married at a very young age and hence she is now in her late forties. He wants to give his mother the happiness that she has not experienced throughout her life. A few days ago prior to going to Madina, I bumped into a colleague of mine who seemed visibly disturbed. She is a middle aged woman, short and stout and is more of a motherly figure to me. When she is her normal self she is always bright, bubbly and jovial. When I enquired about her sadness I discovered that she has a daughter working in the Eastern province here in Saudi Arabia. Her daughter resides alone at the hospital compound whilst her husband resides in India with her kids. From the time that she got married her husband has never worked but rather demanded money from her. She has to work hard doing over time to pay for her son's university education. Her mother has asked her on numerous occasions to divorce her husband and move on but she refuses to divorce him due to the stigma associated with a divorced woman in India. According to her mother she is willing to sacrifice her happiness for her children. A Saudi friend of mine residing in Jeddah related to me a story about the plight of a South African Muslim girl married to a Saudi from Jeddah. Apparently the girl met the boy during an umra trip in Makkah during Ramadhaan two years ago. Whilst her parents were dead against her marrying a Saudi Arab, the girl was blown away with the Saudi gentlemans wealth and good looks. Both families met each other in Makkah, gifts were exchanged and of course the wedding ceremony occurred in Makkah as well. Not even six months had elapsed and the marriage was on the rocks. Her husband started locking her up in his mansion whilst he would spend the weekends in Bahrain and Morocco wining and dining numerous other women. She then asked her inlaws to speak to her husband and threatened to divorce him. After a few family meetings and discussions her husband agreed to change and hence for a month of two he was spending more time with his wife. During this period she fell pregnant but her husband was hardly with her during her pregnancy.I guess a leopard never changes its spots. He started being more abusive physically and verbally and even took away her passport preventing her from traveling or leaving the country. When her baby was born her parents came to the Kingdom to visit her and noticed that their daughter was not her usual self. After confiding in her family they all decided to assist her in leaving the Kingdom. Due to her family's strong diplomatic ties across the globe, she sought help from the South African embassy and managed to escape from the country on a private chartered plane. To be honest she was lucky to escape because she hails from an affluent family. Here in the Kingdom a woman requires permission from a mahram, be it a father, brother or husband in order to travel outside the country. Without this permission the airport security will prevent her from flying. As per Saudi law if a foreign woman divorces her Saudi husband, the children will remain in the Kingdom in the custody of the father. Hence she will leave the country without her kids. How can any mother stay away from her child?
These are just a few cases of abuse that were brought to my attention. I wonder how many more cases of abuse go unreported everyday within the Kingdom as well as in other countries across the globe. If you are victim of abuse reading this article then this is my advice to you: Everyone in life deserves happiness. If you deem yourself to be a victim of abuse then I strongly recommend you to seek help right away. Stay away from people who dampen your morale and lower your self esteem through their negativity and verbal abuse. This notion or idea of staying in the relationship for the sake of the kids is totally incorrect. Bringing up kids in an abusive and violent home will undoubtedly have a negatve impact on their lives and it may not show initially but their will be some negative influence later on in their lives. I know for a fact that especially within the Indian community, women who are abused do not report their situation to the relevant authorities simply because they do not wish for the world to know their " inside house stories". This attitide needs to change. Perpetrators need to be brought to the fore and examples need to be set so that the future generation of young men would grow up to understand the correct dynamics of a relationship and they will be equipped in dealing with issues in a relationship without displaying abusive behaviour. In the words of Flora Jessop,“To those who abuse: the sin is yours, the crime is yours, and the shame is yours. To those who protect the perpetrators: blaming the victims only masks the evil within, making you as guilty as those who abuse. Stand up for the innocent or go down with the rest.” 

Maids in Saudi Arabia; a never ending issue

The maid issue in Saudi Arabia is undoubtedly a never ending saga. After almost a period of two years, the recruitment of Filipino and Indonesian domestic workers to the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia may resume shortly according to Arab news. The two year ban came about due to the tensions that existed between Saudi Arabia, Manila and Jakarta over the rights of domestic workers, cooks and drivers within the ultra conservative Kingdom. Diplomatic ties between these nations were severed following the execution of an Indonesian maid Ruyati binti Sapubi, who was convicted of killing her female employer with repeated blows using a cleaver after suffering protracted abuse and being told she could not return home. Around 2010, another Indonesian maid Sumiati Salan Mustapa was severely tortured by her female employer and required hospitalization. Her case triggered off a wide spread furor throughout the Kingdom as well as across the globe.She had severe head and body injuries after being tortured repeatedly with a hot iron. Further aggression was created against the Saudi government by human rights activists after a Sri Lankan maid's ordeal made headlines throughout the world. Twenty four nails were hammered into her hands, legs and forehead by her Saudi employers after she complained of a work overload. After imposing a ban, thereby preventing the entry of Indonesian and Filipino maids into the country, the Saudi government announced that it would seek domestic workers from other African countries like Ethiopia, Kenya as well as Morrocco. However,as soon as this announcement was made the Saudi women were up in arms at the thought of having 'beautiful Moroccan maids' inside their homes. Saudi women feared that Moroccan women would seduce their husbands as they are known to engage in witchcraft and sorcery. My Saudi friend mentioned to me that they use to have a Moroccan maid some time back but fired her after finding talismans, amulets and strands of hair in her bedroom.
Also in 2010,"Saudi Arabian legal adviser Saleh bin Saad Al-Laheedan issued a fatwa, or religious edict, allowing Saudi women to work as maids, provided that they have no other recourse, are over 50 and are accompanied by a mehram, or close male relative. However, by the end of the year, only 30 Saudi nationals were reported to be working as maids."

On the flip side of things, there has also been an increase in child abuse cases carried out by maids in Saudi Arabia with the latest case being that of a four year old child whose body was decapitated by the Asian house maid. According to newspaper reports, the child's mother collapsed and was rushed to hospital after seeing the child's lifeless body in a pool of blood. Her husband was rushing to get home when he sped through a red traffic light and met up with an accident that instantly killed the driver of the other vehicle and seriously injured the other passenger.The maid on the hand tried to commit suicide after carrying out this heinous crime by drinking a bottle of clorox. However, she survived the ordeal and was hospitalized.

Hiring a maid in Saudi Arabia is an expensive affair with recruiting agencies charging between SR10 000 to SR15 000. Very often maids run away from their employers without informing them and hence bringing a new maid means paying a huge sum of money and starting the whole recruitment process from scratch. Usually maids runaway after seeing advertisements in the newspaper of other employers offering higher salaries and better working environments. According to the Saudi gazette, local families claim the increasing number of runaway maids has caused them great frustration, leading them to take on the household chores themselves. Sarah Sonbol, a mother of five has started a campaign called ' Do It Yourself' where she encourages families to do all the household chores themselves by dividing tasks amongst each family member. Her movement has already received positive feedback in the Medina region where almost thirty families are now doing the domestic chores themselves. “Do It Yourself” provides a step by step program on how to divide chores appropriately and ways to motivate household members. Sonbol’s movement not only aims to deal with the maid crisis and the high prices Saudi families pay for domestic helpers, but also to keep families active and work collectively. “Doing things ourselves worked wonders for our relationship with our children and has helped a lot with my marriage,” she said.

Whilst the media are quick to sensationalize negative stories by creating the impression that the Saudi society is a barbaric ignorant one, I on the other hand would like to relate to you a few positive, heart warming stories regarding this topic. Recently, whilst chatting to a prince over coffee, I was informed that his father had given their house maid of 25 years, SR2 million the day that she left their home and returned to her family in Eritrea. She bought a hotel and improved her family's lifestyle. Another member of the Royal family honoured his Filipino maid and nanny by building a school for Filipino kids in her name. A colleague of mine attended the function and was amazed at the manner in which the prince showered love, respect and adoration for his nanny by equating her to his own mom. She had been a part of his family from the time he was a child. A princess, who frequents the hospital quite often with her mom informed me that she had paid for her drivers's kids education. Her driver is from Egypt and so she had sent his kids to the USA to complete their tertiary studies. She even provides them with a small monthly allowance. Making headlines just a few days ago, a Filipino maid who married her employer inherited SR20 million from his estate. Her brief two year marriage to her employer certainly turned her life around from rags to riches.

So you see folks, the moral of the story is this: In every society you get the good and the bad. Whilst there are many bloggers and other individuals out there who are quick to write negatively about Saudi Arabia using any bad occurrence by a Saudi individual to taint the Saudi community and Islam in general, I can assure you that good people do exist in the Kingdom. Most of the time their stories do not make it to the media as they do not wish for the world to know about their activities. Abuse and human rights violations do not occur only in Saudi Arabia. It is a global world wide phenomenon. Signalling out one country is just not fair in my opinion.

Source:
http://www.emirates247.com/news/maid-becomes-millionaire-in-saudi-arabia-2012-10-14-1.478881

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/jun/22/maid-held-hostage-saudi-arabia

http://www.wsws.org/articles/2011/jul2011/saud-j06.shtml

http://www.alarabiya.net/articles/2012/04/06/205890.html

http://www.reuters.com/article/2010/08/26/us-srilanka-maid-idUSTRE67P17420100826

http://www.emirates247.com/news/maid-from-morocco-no-thanks-say-saudi-wives-2011-09-14-1.418358

http://www.arabnews.com/saudi-arabia/runaway-maids-police-say-problem-persists

http://www.saudigazette.com.sa/index.cfm?method=home.regcon&contentid=20121013139441

http://tdh.ch/en/countries/morocco - picture

Women's Health Day Charity Event 2012

This was a function that was held earlier on in the year. I just did not have the time to upload the pictures on my blog. Since I am at home this morning with some free time on my hands, I decided to do a quick blog post of the event. It was certainly a fun filled entertaining afternoon. I will never forget this day simply because after the event I had to rush off home to prepare dinner and then head straight off to the airport to pick up mom who was arriving for her annual two month vacation in the Kingdom which is more like a mother daughter bonding experience and of course a shopping trip for mom.......

CONGRATULATIONS, IT'S A BOY!!!

Congratulations to Zubeida and Nazeem (my "sister" and "brother") on the birth of their new bundle of joy, little Issa. Both mother and baby are doing just fine and Issa's two elder brothers, Nabeel and Muhammed are quite excited to have a new addition to the family. Zubeida gave birth at the King Faisal Specialist Hospital and Research Centre as her husband works at the institute. Zubeida use to work for the hospital as well but put her career on hold to be a full time mom to her kids. She received excellent care in the maternity ward.As I mentioned in my previous article, all patients in a Saudi hospital are privileged to be given their own private room. Zubeida mentioned to me that she was given excellent care during her entire delivery process. When I visited her room, her wall was decorated with pictures and paintings that her other two sons drew and head nurse Irene, affectionately known as grand ma made sure that she was comfortable throughout her stay in hospital. Zubeida was fortunate to deliver her baby at this state of the art hospital as this privilege is only afforded to staff members who are grade 9 and above. Of course, in Saudi Arabia there are many sophisticated private hospitals where you can have your baby delivered but it does come at a price of course.Dr. Sulaiman habib hospital is quite a well recognized hospital here in the Kingdom and whilst browsing through their website I was quite amazed at the various maternity packages that they offer to their patients. The patient has a choice of being admitted to a private en-suite delivery room. Semi royal and royal bedrooms are also available.Take a look at the room pictures by visiting their website(http://www.drsulaimanalhabib.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=124&Itemid=242).
The rooms are all elegantly and opulently furnished resembling a hotel room rather than a hospital room.In addition to taking care of the pregnant woman and the child, the hospital also offers prenatal and postnatal dermatology packages.Prenatal treatments include skin care sessions, body moisturizing sessions,monthly skin assessment to maintain skin freshness, body sessions to flatten the stomach with safe natural materials and hair treatment sessions.Postnatal treatments include, laser hair removal sessions for the body,mesotherapy sessions to improve hair nutrition, body lifting for the abdomen,thighs and buttocks as well as breast firming sessions. Somehow I get the impression that Saudi women are expected to look like beauty queens after giving birth. Most women would even opt for a vaginoplasty procedure directly after giving birth so that their husbands do not take on another wife due to a lack of sexual satisfaction. Breast feeding is also not very much encouraged amongst Saudi women as it can cause weight gain due to the hormone prolactin which stimulates appetite as well as prompts milk production. Quite frankly, I find this discouragement to be ironical as there are numerous sayings of the Prophet Muhammed (saw) as well as verses in the Quraan that explains the significance of a mother breastfeeding her child.In terms of nutrition, there are numerous benefits that breastfeeding has on the new born baby. God Almighty also rewards the mother and showers His mercy upon her. There is also a strong bond created between mother and child.Whilst there are many people out there who can not afford a basic hospital facility to deliver their babies or are unable to gain access to a primary health care facility, there are infants in this part of the world who are treated like vip's at birth. On that note, I would like to take the opportunity in wishing Zubeida and her little one all the best and I hope and pray that he will always be the coolness to her eyes. Ameen.

Further Reading:
http://suckledsunnah.wordpress.com/category/quran-hadith/

FAKE BABES OF BEIRUT

Some time back I was having an online conversation with my brothers friend that I had not spoken to in years. He informed me that he had just returned from his short vacation trip to Lebanon. He was quick to point out that he will definitely be visiting the country again for the hot, drop dead gorgeous looking women. According to his observations,Lebanese women are the most beautiful women in the world. Naturally, I disagreed with him as I believe that in every culture and society, you will find women that are beautiful and those that are simply average looking. Now, before you get your knickers in a twist, I have nothing against Lebanese people or Lebanese women in general. However, most of the Lebanese women I have interacted with are "fake made up porcelain dolls." According to a recent article published in the Huffington Post, Lebanon has become the plastic surgery capital of the world, taking over LA and Miami, where 1 in every 3 women have undergone some sought of procedure ranging from boob jobs, tummy tucks, botox, cheek implants, rhinoplasty and the list just goes on. The demand for plastic surgery in the country has escalated to such high levels that banks are even offering loans for procedures to be carried out. There is also a sudden burst of foreigners frequenting Lebanon to get their cosmetic surgery procedures done at one of the many cosmetic clinics available within the country.According to Dr. Roland Tohme, a plastic surgeon at the Beirut Beauty clinic, the biggest draw for cosmetic tourism in Lebanon is the price. Many procedures can be done in Lebanon for half the price or less. A nose job that would cost between $5000 and $7000 in the United States or Europe costs about $2000 in Lebanon. According to a UNDP report, the ratio between 30-34 year old single males and 25-29 year old single females is seven to ten. Hence, this might explain why plastic surgery is coming to the point where it is as common as visiting the gym to get fit. Marriage is a Lebanese woman's number one priority in life, a particularly challenging endeavour given the lopsided sex ratio. Whilst doing a Google search on this subject matter, I came across a really hilarious article,"La Wlooo!!!…How to Look Like a Lebanese Bimbo". The article is written by a Lebanese woman, Rita D and is in the form of a satire. She compares these "fake porcelain dolls" to cheap street women.....Here are a few excerpts from the article but do make sure that you read the full article by simply clicking on the link.

"If you’re ugly like me, you’ll need to start looking like a ho asap so you can find a gentleman who will appreciate your personality and want to marry you and have your babies one day."

"Step 1: Admit the Truth
The first step towards self-improvement is admitting to yourself that you’re jealous of all hoes. Declare that since you were a little girl, you’ve always dreamed of growing up to be a sl**. Why would you want to be a lawyer, journalist, doctor, architect or anything boring like that when you can be a ho? It’s never too late to follow your dream. Be a ho so you can be appreciated for what truly counts: your brains!Stop making fun of hoes and admit that you’re a hater, because real beauty is looking like a $2 h**ker. These hoes aren’t bad people. All they want is to find a man of “quality” to spend on them (a.k.a. a husband), so they dress the part."

"Step 2: Dress to Impress
There’s no point in wearing underwear if you’re not going to show it, so make sure 85% of your cleavage is out and that only 15% of your bum is covered.
When attending a classy event, make sure to wear a dress that reveals your legs, back, chest, stomach, arms and maybe your v*gina. Make sure that your dress is so tight that your lungs would collapse after one hour, which is more than enough time to meet your future husband – granted that you’re wearing a pair of elegant h**ker heels. "

"Step 3: Draw on a New Face
The key here is to make sure none of your facial skin shows by the time you’re done. You have three looks to aim for: a mime, a clown or backstage makeup (think: Black Swan sans feathers).Make sure you start by painting a very light foundation all over your face. You’ll know you’ve got the right shade when your face and neck are two completely different colors. Your face should be a whitish-pink or something similar to your kitchen wall. Continue by coloring big black circles around your eyes. Don’t stop until you look like you’ve been kneed in the face twice. After you’re done applying the elegant eye shadow, glue on some super long fake lashes. Make sure they’re long enough to poke your future husband’s eye out. Move on to painting on your eyebrows."

"Step 4: Intensify your Mannerisms
Buy a year’s supply of bubblegum. Chew it all the time with an open mouth, even when you’re sleeping. Make sure to blow big bubbles and laugh as high as possible (think: Nanny Fran) for the perfect results. Suck on your finger whenever needed. For example, if someone asks you for directions, wink and suck on your finger. If someone asks you how much you charge per hour, suck the finger while giving him a piece of your mind!"

"Step 5: Talk Like you’re Trapping Poo
Now that you’ve gotten steps 1 through 4 under your belt, you must carry the right attitude with you. It’s not enough to look, smell, dance and think like a ho, you must talk like one too. Make sure to extend every vowel so that it sounds like you’re having a constipated orgasm. It’s not annoying, it’s sexy. Make a lot of “aaaahhhhh” sounds because they are like a mating call for potential husbands. No, men will not think you’re a vulgar nymphomaniac who’s slept with half the planet. They’ll see you as the mother of their unborn babies."

Whilst this author is clearly against cosmetic surgery and other fake beauty enhancing procedures, I was informed by a few Lebanese women I know that there is fierce competition amongst women to look good in Lebanon in order to find a husband.Many women from middle class or poor socio-economic homes aspire to become wives of rich Arab men from the neighbouring Gulf countries like Bahrain, Kuwait and Saudi Arabia. Some women aspire and dream of marrying into royalty and hence would make concerted efforts to frequent night clubs and hotels that cater for the rich, upper class members of society.
Whilst a whopping 20 percent of Lebanese live under $2500 annually where most people are struggling to pay for their daily basic needs,I find it shocking that parents would take out loans from a bank to pay for their teenage daughter's cosmetic surgery procedure. Most parents aspire for their daughters to look like models on the cover of a magazine. The reality though is that most of the flawless images we see on a magazine cover is due to highly specialized air bushing and other computer generated techniques. Gravity defying boobs just does not exist in reality.Whilst women all around the globe spend thousands of dollars on various cosmetic procedures and techniques, I will forever adhere to the age old saying "Beauty is only skin deep."

SOURCE:
http://nowlebanon.com/NewsArchiveDetails.aspx?ID=346606

http://www.undp.org.lb/programme/governance/advocacy/nhdr/nhdr98/chptr8.pdf

Husband absconded, Wife distressed

http://www.partnershipforchildren.org.uk/ - picture

A few nights ago I received quite a distressing phone call from a family who resides in Makkah tul Mukarrama. They are originally from the sub continent but have been in the Kingdom for the past fifty years now. Half the family members have already acquired Saudi nationality. Brother M enquired about my well being and then asked me to speak to his wife who was clearly very shocked and upset. Her sister is not a Saudi national as yet and she is married to a man from Bangladesh. She is a mother of four children and is expecting her fifth child. Without any prior notification her husband of 20 years has absconded and returned to Bangladesh. After missing for almost two days he finally called his wife from Bangladesh to inform her that he will be staying there from now onward with his Bangladeshi wife. He basically has been leading a dual life with a wife in Saudi as well as a misses in Bangladesh. She asked me for advise as she does not know how her sister will be able to support her kids. She is not an educated woman and never worked in her entire life.I guess that she was probably brought up in a home where females were not allowed to seek an education. If the woman resided in South Africa, she could probably get a part time job as a cashier or do a catering business from home. She could probably work in a supermarket or be a clerk at a school. Here in the Kingdom though, it is difficult for women to get a job and most families do not approve of the female members of the home going out to work. The male is considered the breadwinner of the family.If the woman was a Saudi national she could probably gain assistance from a government welfare department. The fact that she does not have Saudi nationality despite being born in the country makes things twice as difficult for her.I always wondered who came up with this model that the male is the breadwinner and the woman of the house should cook, clean and feed her family. Surely every human being has dreams and aspirations in life. Everyone of us have desires and dreams that we wish to fulfill. Islam has always been a forward thinking religion of vision. Islam has never been against women's education. It is society, customs and traditions that have created this idea that women should be subservient to their husbands, stay at home and look after their families. The first verses that were revealed to the Prophet (saw) was "Read in the name of your Lord who created--- Created man from a clot of blood. Recite and your Lord is most generous who taught by the pen. Taught man that which he knew not." Clearly God Almighty asks us to read. Through reading we educate ourselves. No where in the Quraan is it mentioned that women should not seek an education. An educated woman is an asset to society for she transfers her knowledge to her kids. I am really fortunate to belong to a household where my parents never ever differentiated between my brother and I. We were always treated equally and afforded the same opportunities in life.Dad has always been a visionary thinker. Whilst he did not complete his formal education himself, he always emphasized on the importance of seeking knowledge especially for a female because no one knows what lies ahead. There are some women out there who become widowed at a young age, there are others who are divorced and need to look after their kids. There are some women whose husbands are unable to work due to illness and in this case there are some women out there whose husbands run away leaving them with the responsibility of bringing up the children. If a woman has an education she is always able to provide for her family. She has something to fall back on.My "father" always says when you have money, you smell like honey and when you don't have money, you smell so funny. Whenever a family is in any financial crisis, society will only help in a limited manner. They may provide financial assistance on a few occasions and then they will become fed up and stop. This is the bitter truth.This is the sad reality. I honestly do not know how this poor lady is going to solve her problem but I do hope and pray that God Almighty makes it easy for her. For those of you out there who have a negative way of thinking with regards to educating a female child, I humbly request you to please reconsider your stance and view point regarding this matter.As the Prophet (saw) said,"If a daughter is born to a person and he brings her up,gives her a good education and trains her in the arts of life, I shall myself stand between him and hell-fire." (Hadith reported by Abdullah ibn Mas'ud).

The heavy cost of light skin

by Joan Baxter

The use of bleaching creams to lighten complexions seems to have reached epidemic proportions in Mali, despite widespread education campaigns.

Women who refuse to bleach often find themselves regarded as second class citizens.

A woman who did not bleach her skin said she is often not offered a chair at baptisms, and is asked to make herself scarce when group photographs are taken at marriages.

A quick survey shows there are more than 100 bleaching products available on the market in the capital, Bamako.

Sold under brand names such as Marie-Claire or Diana, the products come from Morocco, Nigeria, the United States or Saudi Arabia.

Dermatologists estimate that more than half the women in Mali are now using these creams to lighten their skin. These products are costly and often cause pain and blemishes.

So why are so many women in Mali using them? The answer is simple, according to one Malian woman singer: The creams make her white, and impart a certain charm.

But Malian physician Dr Ali Gindo finds bleached skin anything but charming.

"They are just burning themselves," he says. "It's painful and it's awful."

Dr Gindo says bleaching can cause skin cancer and the poorest people are the most at risk, because the cheaper the product, the more dangerous it is.

But he says it is not just poor women are bleaching their skin.

"We have also people who are well educated like lawyers, writers or professors, or people on the TV - and this is a real problem because if people who are leaders of opinion bleach themselves, you can imagine how deep the problem is."

Many of the women who use these products told me they do so because Malian men prefer women with bleached skin.

But male musician Al Hassan Soumali disagrees.

"I don't think Malian men like bleached women," he says. "It's better for Malian women to change their minds."

Source:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/718359.stm

Have they forgotten that she is in actual fact a BLACK WOMAN????

The blonde wig may be throwing us off, but Rihanna is on the cover of British Vogue’s November 2011 issue and she’s looking much lighter.

It could be the actual lighting on set, it could be that we’ve gotten used to her wearing a fire engine-red wig, or it could be that someone forget to tell Vogue’s retoucher that Rihanna is in fact black.

What do think? Chime in the comments and help us figure it out. 

Skin lightening in beauty magazines is an all too common practice. At this point it’s just a question of how severely a person will be lightened. ELLE did it to the most beautiful woman in the world most recently, they’ve transformed Gabourey Sidibe into a much lighter cover girl. L’Oreal whitewashed Beyonce, too.

There’s a thriving skin lightening beauty industry too and that one can be dangerous. In 2003, Dr. S. Allen Counter, a professor of neurophysiology and neurology at Harvard Medical School questioned why it was mostly women who were dealing with increased rates of mercury poisoning in places like Mexico, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan and even in the Southwestern United States

"In every case, clinical questioning revealed that the women had used skin-whitening creams — many for years. In other words, these women had tried so desperately to whiten their skin color that they had poisoned their bodies by applying mercury-based “beauty creams.”

Ninety percent of the women entering border clinics in Arizona with mercury poisoning were Mexican-American, and they like their Mexican counterparts had been using skin-whitening creams such as “Crema de Belleza-Manning,” which is manufactured in Mexico. These skin-whitening creams contain mercurous chloride, which is readily absorbed through the skin. Saudi, African, and Asian women were also using these skin-bleaching chemicals in a tragic attempt to change their appearance to that of white women."