Does skin colour and gender really matter?

As Indians we have had our fair share of discrimination during the Apartheid era but what is sad is that we have chosen to discriminate amongst ourselves..Recently I attended a function and I over heard a grandmother stating the following, " In our family everyone is fair skinned..my grand kids though are chocolate in complexion but I do love them a lot." I thought to myself what a ridiculous statement to make. In a world where kids are born with deformities, cancer and other dreadful diseases shouldn't we be grateful and thankful that the child is normal and healthy. What does skin colour have to do with anything. I have come across parents who actually teach their kids not to associate with darker skinned children.I have also seen parents who tend to have a softer spot for a beautiful fair child over a darker skinned child. In India skin colour is a huge issue..If you browse through the matrimonial columns in a newspaper every groom and his mother is looking for a fair bride even though he looks like a bus knocked him..lol...A woman in India who is dark skinned is usually tormented by society due to her complexion. In most cases finding a groom would be difficult creating tension in the household. The girl could be kind..educated etc but because she is not fair she will be rejected. I recall being told as a child that I am so dark compared to my brother who is fair skinned with brown hair...It never bothered me in the least. 

We don't only discriminate against each other with regards to skin colour but we also discriminate with regards to gender. Recently I heard a horrific story of a dad who refused to see his daughter the day she was born simply because he wanted his first born to be a son. Naturally there was no real bond between the father and daughter. In some homes a male child is favoured over a female child. Some parents have this notion that the son of the home needs to get everything in his plate disregarding the daughters rights totally. Some parents still have this perception of one day the daughter will get married and her husband needs to provide for her. 

Some time back I was introduced to someone through a mutual friend. After a meeting or two I was told that I'm unattractive, unappealing, I have no sense of dress and I know too much. The only plus factor I supposedly had was a bright radiant clean heart. I thought to myself do I really need to be associated with such a fake superficial individual. Naturally I broke ties with the individual. I expect a person to accept me for me..for what I have on the inside. Beauty fades with time... heart and character remains forever. Characterize a person for their actions not their words or superficial beauty. True beauty is not what is on the outside it is what lies within. The sad part is that these same individuals who taunt others about their darker skin tones hurting people in the process actually act holier than thou...running for umra ten times a year.What is the point of praying when you hurting another human being. What is the point of praying when you are treating people in your own family differently due to the colour of their skin.And to all the men out there who seem to think that they are God's gift to women searching for a snow white wake up and smell the coffee.I wonder if miss world exists in your own household.I guess Indians will be Indians and some things will never change for thy kingdom come..I thank you Allah for allowing me to see people beyond their status, money, looks or profession. To me a cleaner and a CEO of a company is given the same level of respect..

Time to set the record straight

Indeed, it has been a tragic week in our community with the passing away of Mr, Aslam Khan, his wife and son in a horrific accident on Monday evening. On Wednesday we witnessed the tragic demise of a grandfather and his grandchild who burnt to death in a stationary vehicle that the grand dad set a light. What drove the man to commit such a vile act? We can ask ourselves a million and one questions but we won’t be finding the answers. It is quite unfortunate though that amidst the chaos of the entire tragedy there are certain elements within the community who have spread rumours stating that the reason the grand dad did this is because his immediate family was not good to him. They have accused the family of pushing him over the edge. How can people make up stories without knowing the facts? Do you want to know the real story? I will tell you what the real story is.

The grandfather was a devil in the words of his own children. His wife is a sweet, caring, loving woman and we are proud to have her as part of the Medix family. God has really blessed me with good employees who look out for each other. They speak about their lives and family issues openly and of course where we can help we do step in to assist. Over the past few weeks now my colleague has been coming to work literally in tears. Her husband was an abusive man. She always told us that ever since she got married, she never ever had a day of happiness. Last week, he took out a knife for her and tried to stab her. On many occasions he hit her black and blue. There were times he tried throttling her as well. As a team we encouraged her to get out of the relationship and apply for a restraining order against him. On the day of the tragedy we sent her to the police station to seek help and she was also going to move out of the house that very afternoon. She had finally mustered up the courage to leave this monster. After realizing that his wife was no longer going to tolerate the abuse any longer, he went ballistic and hence he committed this devious act. He might have been a smiling, happy man to the world but at home he had a vicious personality. She told us that even whilst praying, he would pull her by her hair and bang her against the wall. This poor woman endured this abuse throughout her married life. She remained in the relationship for the sake of her kids and out of fear as to what society will say if she left him. She was married to this monster as part of an arranged marriage against her will, a man who was 15 years older than her.

There is a part of me that feels that I could have done more to prevent what happened on Wednesday. Perhaps if she had left him a long time ago this would not have happened. The bottom line though is that this incident should be an eye opener to all those women out there who are suffering in silence. Why should you be the victim? These dogs who abuse women should be exposed within the community. They should be named and shamed. Why should they be given the right to walk around in town with their heads high? We Indian people have this shit mentality that abuse, rape and molestation only occurs in other communities but our own. Nonsense. (Kindly excuse my language)
Two days ago I heard that a grandfather, a Muslim Indian grandfather molested his own grand-daughter. These men need to be exposed. Have we reached a stage where we can no longer trust our own parents with our children? The imams and leaders of the community need to catch a wake up and start talking about these issues. Get it out in the open. Teach our men how to behave with their families. Teach our sons the etiquette of respecting a woman and another human being. Stop this mentality of hiding everything under the carpet and pretending that everything is perfect when in reality it isn’t. Don’t allow anyone to verbally or physically abuse you. Each one of us is entitled to happiness and respect. If you not happy in a relationship get out of it before it’s too late.

A tribute to my grand dad (Nana)

                                                              www.picturesof.net

On this day 11 years ago Allah took you away from us. We watched you coming out of the operating theatre thinking that all was well but little did we know that you were no more. I remember you carrying me on your shoulders as a little girl, buying me sweets and chocolates at Uncles Sparrows shop in Highlands north. Almost every weekend we would visit Dions to buy me a new toy. I still have some of the things you bought me. I kept them hidden faraway. You were a simple man earning a simple salary but you made sure that all my wishes were fulfilled. Every Eid you would give me money to purchase a new outfit. With every "crossy face" I made I would get what my heart desired. I remember all the funny incidents we shared like the group of teenage boys who were driving next to you in Bramley. They opened the car window and handed over a normal land line phone to you telling you that you had an urgent phone call. You took the phone quite naively whilst we all burst out laughing. You mistakenly walked into the ladies toilets at the holiday on ice show. We couldn't stop laughing. You took me to the circus and to concerts and what about the magistrate letting you out scott free for dumping confectionery at an illegal site. Your excuse was, " I was not dumping, I was feeding the rabbits."...lolol... As time went by you grew older and so did I. Whilst at university you would give me a daily allowance to buy food from the canteen. Everyday you bought me junk food from Fordsburg..The days you had to pick me up from university you made sure you were there an hour earlier and if I got a few minutes late you would start panicking. You would send someone to look for me. The day I graduated I wanted you to attend the ceremony but you got ill. I do know that you were the proudest grandfather in the whole world.As time went buy you started losing your eye sight, but you never complained. You pretended that everything was just fine. I remember you watching the news diligently at 8:00 pm and retiring to bed by nine after enjoying a hot cup of tea. I see you in my dreams sometimes, and it feels so real. I know that you in a better place but I miss you so much NANA. Nothing feels the same after you left us but I am sure that you are in a far better place watching over us. One day, I know I will see you again..May Allah grant you the highest stages of Jannah and fill your grave with lots and lots of light. Ameen.

Beware of the online womanizer

                                                     (Picture: www.thefrisky.com)

So yesterday afternoon I received a call from a facebook friend who also happens to be a personal friend of mine. She is South African but resides in a neighbouring African country. She urged me to write a post about Muslim men who use the internet and dating sites to satisfy their womanizing personality traits. A friend of hers was chatting to a South African Muslim doctor who befriended her on facebook. As they started chatting more often they exchanged telephone number and BBM pins. This man promised her the world. He said that he was interested in her and desired to marry her. One day she decided to surprise him by calling him at the practice. When he answered the phone he told her that he does not know her from anywhere. A whole different side to this man’s personality emerged. Naturally she was heartbroken. My friend decided to find out more about this doctor. It turned out that he was someone that she knew as he resided in the same town as her parents here in Johannesburg. He of course did not know her. So she sent him a friend request and the same pattern followed. He befriended her, exchanged BBM pins, promised her the world and when she called him he said that he does not know her from a bar of soap. May be someone else hacked his facebook profile and is now pretending to be him.

Recently, I received an inbox message from a Muslim man who obviously created a fake facebook profile to find women. This is the message he sent me, “Salaam. I am a 36 year old married Muslim man with 2 kids. You do not know me but I follow your posts. I must say you hot and intelligent too. I am looking for a mistress or a second wife for sexual reasons only. I do not want any more kids. The relationship would have to be secretive. Money is no object. I will buy you an apartment and give you a monthly allowance as well. My facebook profile does not have my real details. I will reveal my real identity in person if you agree to the arrangement.”

Recently, I severed ties with a friend who is a well known professional man but had the nerve to chat to other women on a dating site whilst claiming that he was enjoying getting to know me.  When I confronted him, his response was, “I love being close to a woman. You need to come to terms with the fact that if I am chatting to Sumayya, I am also chatting to 8 other women and getting to know them.” My response was, “Go to hell. You do not deserve a woman like me and I will never choose to be involved with a man that has no respect for a woman. You may be up there in front of your colleagues and the people you deal with. But in my eyes, you ‘re an ass.” The sad part is that this same person has a few unmarried sisters in his house. I know he would be devastated if someone hurt his sisters but it’s perfectly normal behaviour to hurt another woman. Why? Because it is not our own flesh and blood.

If you truly care for someone you will not be hurting them by visiting a dating site every now and then to check if there is someone better out there. In my opinion only a sick womanizing man would behave in this manner. These type of men are selfish. They have no respect for a woman. The only people they care for is their own family and of course themselves. But they fail to understand the concept of what goes around must come around. Today they have lowered the self esteem and morale of someone else’s daughter, tomorrow their own sister will be played.

My advice to all women out there is this: Be very careful with who you interact with online. There are loads of sick people out there. If you lonely and wish to be in a relationship with someone, rather ask a mutual friend or a family member to introduce you to someone.  Don’t become a victim to a womanizer. It’s just not worth it.