HAPPY NEW YEAR

Those of you who know me personally will acknowledge that in general I am a very bright and bubbly human being. I love to sing, dance and laugh. Dad says he needs to change the pharmacy name to "The Heeee Heeee Haaaa Haaaa Pharmacy" Even in the most serious of situations I always see things in a positive light. Nothing in the world phases me. Why worry when in essence, we have no control over our lives. If you place your full trust and faith in God Almighty you will soon realize that He is undoubtedly the best of planners. For many, 2018 has been a tough, challenging year. To my facebook friends and family I ask all of you to usher in the new year feeling positive and up beat about life. Always remember that if you think your struggles are unbearable, there is always someone out there who is worse of than you. The key to success in life is gratitude. God Almighty says that if you show gratitude, He will grant you more. Start your year wanting to do good and be good in all aspects of life.Show love and kindness to everyone around you. Be tolerant of other peoples culture, faiths and religions. It will get you very far in life. A few days ago, I received an inbox message from a Muslim gentleman who asked the following question, " Why are you wearing Hindu clothing during your trip to India Did you suddenly become a Hindu in India?" I was contemplating naming and shaming this idiot of a human being on a public platform, But then I old myself, I do not wish to engage with an individual who was obviously born with a narrow minded pea sized brain. I prefer engaging with people of great knowledge and intellect. This is my new year resolution for 2019, surrounding myself with people who are positive and encouraging and of course staying away from people who are all dull and gloom. Don't let other peoples negativity or narrow minded views bring you down in life. You are your own person. You are the captain of your own ship. Only you can steer your ship through stormy waters with hard work, determination and perseverance. Be the best version of yourself with each passing year. Don't ever compete with anyone else except yourself. Throughout the year I meet hundreds of people who frequent the pharmacy. If I have hurt anyone, if I came across as being rude or abrupt or perhaps it was extremely hectic and you caught me at the wrong time, i do apologize for my shortcomings and humbly ask for your forgiveness. Happy 2019 to all my friends and family across the globe. Lots of love and God Bless!

Letter from a prisoner - Tis the worst time of the year

                                                                      Bing.com

                                                                    

The festive season evokes a sense of joy and achievement in all. Another year has come to an end and most enjoy a well deserved break. It is a time of family and friends, of creating memories. It is also a time of reflection and of setting goals for the year to come. Most inmates share these sentiments and the festive spirit permeates even the thick prison walls. For me though, it is the worst time of the year.

Over this period, the prison comes to a standstill; with only the essential activities taking place and the prison being locked very early every day. It is also obviously the end of the academic year. Consequently, there is a lot of free time with minimal productivity. Whilst I will pursue some personal endeavors, it is ultimately a period of stagnation. 

Some may wish for times of no responsibility and being able to literally do nothing, but the reality is horrible. Without purpose and productivity, man ceases to be man. 

The end of the year does signify being another year closer to freedom but that is a simplistic, one dimensional view. It is another year of my life that I can never replace. As many are, I too am proud of my achievements in 2018 but it is bitter for it is impossible to not think on what could have been. 

With so much free time, I invariably delve into the treasure chest of my past. I have been blessed to have experienced some incredible festive periods in my life. From umrah with grandparents to new years eve in Cape Town and from bustling cities to natural splendour, I have priceless memories. 

Reminiscing is a powerful form of escapism; I can almost feel the vibrations run up my arms as I reel in a trout, smell the freshness of the ocean, see the immaculate fairway before me, hear the laughter of loved ones and salivate at the memory of the taste of ice cream on a balmy summer day. The memories are bliss, but the return to reality is awful, not only because of my current station in life but because I will never get to make new ones with my parents. After all, memories are not about exotic locations or adventures but about the people we create them with. 

The festive season means more contact and precious time with family and friends, for me it is the polar opposite. As loved ones travel to all parts of the globe, I have less telephonic contact and fewer visitors. During this period, that which I look forward to most is suspended exacerbating my feelings of loneliness. Waiting to hear of their experiences does however fill me with excitement as knowledge of their joy is my source of joy.

With the above in mind, what frustrates me most is hearing complaints and negativity from almost everyone. "The hotel we stayed in before was better," "the food was not great," "he/she was starting to annoy me " "I didn't buy much," and "I had a lovely time...BUT..." are the types of comments that irk me. 

There are literally billions in the world, beginning with me, who can only dream of what you get to experience. So, be grateful for all that you are blessed with and get to experience over this festive season and in general. Start seeing the glass half-full, take time to smell the roses and treasure every second you share with loved ones. Take nothing for granted knowing that for some this is the worst time of the year! 

Letter from a prisoner - Separating fact from fiction

Picture taken from net images

In the digital age that we live in, it is almost impossible to not allow the messages that
we are exposed to, to impact on our understanding of any particular subject.
With regards to prison, this notion is exacerbated due to the (fortunate) fact that most people have never set foot in a prison.
Most of the questions that I am asked about prison life is indicative of the naivety of
society to prison happenings. The general perception of prison is derived from literature,
the media, movies and television series. Having read many books (fiction and non-fiction)
and watched my fair share of movies or series related to prison, I have realized that they
paint a very different picture to the reality behind the high walls and contribute to many misconceptions. The following are some of the common misconceptions and the actual realities:

 “Prison is dangerous”
Yes; prison contains the scum of society, those who have perpetrated the heinous crimes
that make you cringe when you hear about them, but within the confines of prison there is
relative safety. Being intimidated on a daily basis, having to watch your back at all times,
avoiding certain individuals, gangs, rape, shanks and the like are nice embellishments to any
script but they are not what a prisoner must endure. In all my years in prison, I have never
once been the victim of any such activity. Fights, some with improvised weapons, do occur
but with no more frequency than I had experienced at a prestigious all boys school. Rape is
almost unheard of. Gangsterism exists but not to the extent that it occurs in some societies
in the real world, it is merely an extension of what men were already involved in before their
incarceration. The scope of gang activity in prison is largely limited to drugs, with violence a
rarity. In many ways, I am probably safer in here than the average South African.

 “Contraband is difficult to obtain”
Contraband, especially in the form of money, drugs and cellular phones, is extremely simple
to obtain. Almost all wardens are corrupt and will gladly bring in items for inmates. They
make very good money from smuggling contraband into the prisons and are brazen enough
to approach inmates to offer their services.

 “Spending the rest of one’s life in prison”
In some parts of the world, life in prison literally means life in prison but in South Africa
there is no such thing. Those sentenced to “life” are eligible for parole after serving 25 years
of their sentences but amendments are continually made and some sentenced to life have
been released after serving as little as 12 years.

 “Prison food is terrible”
We live in a world where everyone has rights and have the right to have their rights
protected. Prisoners are no exception! On the whole, prison food is decent. It is pretty much
like eating at a boarding school. Most ingredients are what is sold in retail stores and the
preparation is done in a rather professional manner. The menu has variety and all cultural,
religious and medical needs are catered for. Prison kitchens are regularly inspected by
independent bodies and inmates have many avenues to pursue if they have issues with
food. Eating rats, cats, pigeons, insects or even each other does not happen in South African
prisons; though it is not only a Hollywood idea as it actually happens in places such as
Zimbabwe.

 “Prisoners have to follow strict routines”
There is no routine to follow aside from being at one’s cell at the time of lock up. Whilst the
cells are unlocked, an inmate has the freedom to engage in whatever activities he (or she)
likes. Food is served at certain times but does not have to be consumed at that particular
time or in a particular location, as commonly portrayed in mess halls in movies. The only
other mandatory routine is to be ready for a cell inspection on Sunday mornings, wherein
the cell and person are inspected for cleanliness.

 “Suicide is a common in prisons”
One would think that suicide would be an easy way out for those condemned to spend many
years in prison but that is a fallacy. The suicide rate for prisons is less than a quarter of the
national suicide rate. Whilst there are no real obstacles to committing suicide, it simply does
not occur frequently.

 “Most prisoners claim innocence”
On the contrary, most prisoners are proud to share the details of their crimes without any
remorse. The overwhelming majority acknowledge that they were wrong. They generally
show now regret for committing crime, rather they only regret being caught.

The portrayals of prison life that movie goers, bookworms and fans of series like
Prison Break and Orange is the New Black may be thoroughly entertaining but they
are by no means an accurate reflection of the reality. It is one of the rare cases in life
where fact is slightly better than fiction.

Letter from a prisoner - Entering the mind of a rapist

 

                                                      Picture courtesy rediff.com

                                         

Throughout the ages, one of the most perplexing of man’s actions is that of rape. Criminologists, sociologists, psychiatrists and the like all attempt to understand and rationalize the inherently irrational, without reaching any implicit conclusions. The fact that rape is not confined to any one race, culture, faith, socio-economic class, age or even gender only compounds the issue. Rape is baffling even though we live in an age in which promiscuity, infidelity and pornography have pervaded all spheres of society. Even within the confines of prison are rapists not understood and are consequently relegated to the lowest rungs of prison hierarchies.  

Recent heinous events locally as well as high profile convictions abroad compelled me to search for answers to a question that has periodically crossed my mind over the years of my incarceration- Why do men rape?
Instead of re-visiting theories found in textbooks, I embarked on attempts to enter the minds of actual convicted rapists. Under the promise of complete anonymity, several rapists opened up to me in informal discussions. The interviews that I share provide interesting perspectives on this epidemic but should in no way be construed as anything conclusive but merely as a cursory glance into the minds of rapists.

The first offender that I interviewed is a coloured man from a middle class background. After a night of partying with his friends, he was barely sober enough to drive himself home to his wife of roughly a year. He found his wife in bed and proceeded to initiate sex. His advances were turned down vocally and physically. He would not accept her refusal and proceeded to rape her. As a man he believes that he was entitled to sex whenever he wanted it from his wife. He does not believe that she had the right to refuse her husband. His perverse understanding of marriage is that when his wife said “I do” she became his to do with whatever and whenever he wanted. When questioned as to why he did not stop when she cried and fought him, he replied that she deserved to be hurt as she had hurt him more by refusing him.

Another rapist that I talked to is an uneducated black man from a township outside of Pretoria. He and two cronies felt that they had a right to rob white people. Democracy failed to give them a better life, so they felt that they would simply take what they were meant to inherit. During one robbery, they found the lady of the house at home. The leader of the trio said that they would never get to experience an upper class white lady and proceeded to rape her. He then encouraged his mates to also partake as they “shared everything.” They felt that a victim could regain their material possessions; armed robbery was not enough, so something more was needed to leave their mark on the victim.

A young man from a remote rural area was always turned down by women. They mocked him for being “ugly,” “lazy,” and a mommies boy. The only way to prove his manliness and satisfy his desires of sex and revenge on women was to rape them. Over the course of 2 years, he raped his way from town to town before the bright lights of the city attracted him. In the proverbial candy store, he increased his exploits before eventually being apprehended. He claims to have raped over 40 women though he was convicted for “only” 6. For him, the ability to dominate and intimidate proved to be an aphrodisiac. When asked why he did not simply utilize prostitutes, he said that aside from it being a waste of money, prostitutes were “dirty” and would not have satisfied him the way rape did.

Another conversation was with a white man who is over 6 feet tall and weighs over 120 kilograms. He and his girlfriend often took care of his niece as her mother worked long hours. He did not tell anyone that he was into kiddie pornography and soon fantasized about his niece. One day he was left to babysit the child alone and his fantasy became a reality, as he raped the 8 year old girl.

Another white man raped or sodomized children under his care as a music professor, who tutored kids at the local church. In court, he claimed to have raped the children as an expression of his immense love for the children. Now, as a born-again, he rationalizes his acts by saying that he only did to those kids what his uncle had done to him as a young boy.

After these and other discussions a small part of me is able to comprehend the atrocities that took place but for the most part I am more perplexed than before. Rape defies logic and reason and why men rape will perhaps always remain a mystery.