Sex and Beyond

Sex along with sexual related matters is very much a taboo subject here in the conservative Kingdom of Saudi Arabia and hence I find that young Saudi couples grow up with many misconceptions regarding sex in general. I have noticed varying sexual behaviours among young Saudi couples. Anal sexual intercourse is a very common practice within the Arab world even though the Quraan clearly mentions that it is forbidden in Islam. My colleagues in the emergency department have encountered female patients who are admitted due to bleeding as a result of slight tears in the colonic lining as a result of anal intercourse. Many husbands insist that their wives have anal intercourse with them. I have come across Saudi women who have divorced their husbands due to their persistence in engaging in anal intercourse. It is interesting to note though that many Saudi women do engage in anal sex prior to marriage. This allows them to still retain their virginity. I have encountered Saudi women coming to the pharmacy for fleet enemas that they utilize as a douche to clean out the back passage before engaging in anal sex. Unlike in South Africa there are no guidance classes at a schooling level to teach young Saudis about their bodies and sexuality and this of course causes problems later on in life as you will establish through the next story below.
Every Thursday and Fridays I dispense medication to the infertility clinic patients. A few months ago prior to my vacation I had a chat with one of the OB-Gynae doctors from Canada who mentioned to me that in Saudi there is a dire need for sex education. The doctor had a young couple as his patient. They were in their early twenties and were married for four years. They resided in one of the rural areas outside of Riyadh city. The woman could not fall pregnant and her in laws were now encouraging her husband to take on a second wife or divorce her and then marry someone else. After conducting all the routine tests, it was discovered that both the husband and the wife were in perfect sexual health. The doctor was baffled. He then explicitly questioned the couple about their sexual life and it was then discovered that they were in fact engaging in anal sex rather than vaginal sex. That explained the painful sexual experience the woman complained about. A few days ago I met the OB-Gynae doctor again and he informed me that the woman came by the emergency department for anti nausea medication as she had finally fallen pregnant and is expecting her first child to the delight of the entire family. I had another case of a woman utilizing birth controls and yet she was falling pregnant on a yearly basis. When the medical team questioned her she mentioned to them that she takes her pill diligently. When she was further questioned as to how she takes her medication she informed them that she only pops one pill prior to intercourse as opposed to it being taken every day at a specific time. Whilst their seems to be a complete lack of sex education in the Kingdom, one Saudi gentleman has decided to tackle these misconceptions heads on. I came across Dr. Abdul al Lily’s blog ‘Sex and Beyond’ a few months ago whilst surfing the internet and the first thought that ran through my mind was ‘wowww’. Dr. Abdul chooses to handle a taboo and sensitive subject in a very polite and respectful manner whilst still making sure that he gets his point across. Read on to find out more in his own words...Q3TCETW4B3SA

Nationality: Saudi

Education:

 PhD: Education, Technology, Sociology and Organisational Politics

MA: Information, Commutation, Technology and Education

BA: Maths and Education

Career:

 Assistant Professor (Promotion in Process): King Faisal University

Lecture (2009-13): King Faisal University

Teaching Assistant (2005-9): King Faisal University

Maths Teacher (2005): Royal Commission

1. Firstly, thank you for agreeing to be interviewed despite your very hectic lifestyle. So tell me who is Dr. Abdul Al Lily? Tell me a little bit about your background. Where were you born? Basically a brief synopsis of your life from a child up until adulthood.

I was born in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia and lived there till I turned 21 when I moved to Canada for a few months, then to England for around 7 years, then back to Saudi Arabia till now. At the age of 11, I joined an ideological community that trained its members in so many skills (e.g. computing, languages, management, organisation and graphics) and, more importantly, educated them intensively in Saudi Arabian culture and its theoretical aspects. I was very active and disciplined in this community, to the extent that I became an authority in this community at the age of 17. Through this community, I got very ‘culturalised’ and managed to achieve a high level of theoretical understanding of Saudi culture, to the extent that this qualified me to become a cultural authority outside this community, becoming at the age of 16 a ‘mouezzin’ (i.e. the person who issues the call to prayer from a mosque) and then at the age of 18 an ‘imam’ (i.e. an Islamic leadership position, often the worship leader of a mosque and a Muslim community, who may lead Islamic worship services, serve as community leaders and provide religious guidance). At the age of 20, I managed to memorise the whole Quran with understanding of the rules governing pronunciation during recitation of the Quran, and therefore I became qualified as an authority to teach others how to recite Quran. I, moreover, was an educational supervisor in Hajj five times.

Because I was always very keen to influence the organisation to which I am attached, I was very politically and socially active at school and engaged even with the regional education agency. Likewise, at the university where I did my undergraduate studies, I was a leader of social activities. Despite me being politically and socially active, my academic studies still had a top priority, and for this reason, I managed to pass my undergraduate studies with distinction and to gain a royal reward for the highest academic achievement in the Eastern Province of Saudi Arabia. Beside my academic studies, I attended a great number of seminars and lectures in the theoretical and practical aspects of Saudi culture. When I got my BA degree, I decided to learn English. I always like to do what people find difficult to do, and since English is considered (at least by Saudis) to be something difficult to learn, my focus had become on learning English. But the problem was that my background in English was zero. I did not even know what the term ‘newspaper’ meant in English. So, since the second I finished my undergraduate studies, I started studying English intensively for a year in Saudi Arabia, and then moved to Canada to continue learning English, then to England to study particularly academic English and do my postgraduate studies.

2. I remember the first time I came across your blog I was completely blown away by your open minded broad personality. Why did you start the blog ‘Sex and Beyond’?

Moving to such multicultural countries (Canada and then England) gave me the opportunity to explore other cultures and compare them to Saudi culture. This has indeed improved my critical ability to analyse Saudi culture and look at it from a new perspective. I have decided to share my new perspective with the international community, believing that this sharing is of the essence given that the world is witnessing a high level of cultural exchange but the contribution of Saudi culture to this exchange was weak and limited. So, I decided to write about Saudi culture, thus enriching information about Saudi culture in this international cultural exchange. Many Saudis avoid critically and internationally writing about Saudi culture for various reasons, including not being good at writing in English, not being good at theoretically and critically analysing Saudi culture, not having the writing skill, not being good at expressing themselves and/or not feeling politically confident. Another reason why there is a lack of writings about Saudi Arabian culture is that Saudi Arabia is a collective society, and therefore anyone writing about Saudi culture thinks of himself or herself as a representative of Saudi culture, which therefore puts so much pressure on himself or herself, thus discouraging him/her from writing about this culture. Likewise, because of this collectiveness, Saudi citizens think of any Saudi writer about Saudi culture as a representative of Saudi society, and therefore they will be hard on him or her if s/he misrepresents the culture.

3. I must say that you are very brave to be blogging about a taboo subject by utilizing your real name. Have you experienced any repercussions of this in terms of members of the Saudi society criticizing your blog or attacking you on a personal level?

Not really, and a key reason seems that the blog is written in English and therefore is read only by those Saudis who can speak English. Those Saudis who can speak English tend to be highly educated and have normally been to the West, which makes them somehow tolerant. That said, I did receive some inappropriate comments from some such Saudis. For example, one said to a friend of mine: ‘If I see Abdul, I’ll piss on him.’ Another wrote to me: ‘You’re strange.’ A critic of my blog saw me as being a ‘disgrace’ to Saudi culture.

4. I do know for a fact that many Saudi men and women are sexually active prior to marriage. Many women admit themselves in hospitals abroad for hymenoplasty or vaginoplasty type operations prior to marriage with some surgeons even inserting blood capsules to create the illusion of blood on the wedding night. Do you think that too much of emphasis is placed on virginity and the hymen? Many Saudi men are involved in multiple relationships before marriage but still expect to marry a virgin, pure bride. Do you think that this double standard that does exist within Saudi society needs to change?

Some might hold the belief that Saudi society has witnessed so many challenges, and many of these challenges are challenges just because they have been turned into challenges and because they are exaggerated by the culture that generates them. For example, virginity and gender separation, for example, are, it could be believed, challenges just because they have been turned into challenges and because they are exaggerated by the culture that generates them.

5. What are your thoughts on polygamous relationships?

This issue has been already discussed widely by the media and writers.

6. Do you think that sex education needs to be implemented at perhaps a high school level in Saudi Arabia?

It could be believed that sex education is needed, and this is an important element of any civilised society. Some Saudis seem aware of the importance of sex education but the problem seems that they are sensitive about and feel uncomfortable with the term ‘sex education.’ So, the problem here is merely with terminology. Some might feel that Saudi parents might not have a problem with the idea of there being a ‘sex education’ syllabus, but they might have a problem with what should be included in such a syllabus. I was wondering if Saudi parents would refuse sex education if it carried a different name and was integrated into the biology syllabus, for example.

The question that should be addressed is whether sex education should exist in the Saudi education system. Some might believe that one will learn about sex with or without sex education, thanks to the Internet and to the information revolution. Others, however, might argue that the Internet might expose Saudis to certain aspects of sex (e.g. how to achieve more pleasant sex, including positions) but not to other aspects (e.g. how to achieve safe sex). Sex education has the potential to, or at least should, cover all possible aspects of sex and give students a comprehensive view on sexual practice.

7. Can you perhaps share some of the interesting misconceptions or stories you have come across with my blog readers?

One problem is that some Saudi readers have judged my blog without thoroughly reading it. Another problem is that some readers judge the blog as a whole not its individual ideas. An additional problem is that people do not differentiate between the blog and the blogger, and therefore they might direct their criticism to the blogger not to the blog itself and its ideas. Some people think that, since I am an active writer about sexual practice, this means that I am sexually active. They forget that I am just a writer/researcher who is interested in analysing social issues regardless of the sensitivity of these issues. By way of illustration, writing about AIDS does not necessarily mean that the writer has AIDS. Likewise, writing about sex does not necessarily mean that the writer is sexually active. Some Saudis want to keep their ‘business’ for themselves and therefore are not interested in cultural exchange and mutual understanding, which explains why such Saudis are not happy with such a blog as mine.

8. Not so long ago a Saudi man was arrested for coming on live television and discussing his sex life along with his passion for sex toys. In Bahrain there is apparently one sex toy shop owned by a woman and the authorities there are constantly trying to shut it down yet in the same breath the religious scholars have mentioned that it is permissible for a husband and wife to pleasure each other with toys. Do you think that these type of shops should be allowed in the Middle East in general? Many Saudis order such paraphernalia from abroad.

Some of the Saudi Arabian social authorities forget that tools remain tools that can be used for good or for evil, and therefore the best way of handling these tools is not to ban them and therefore spread a sense of repression throughout society, but rather to educate citizens in how to use these tools for good. One might argue that such tools (i.e. sex toys) can be exploited to enhance the sexual pleasure of any married life, and therefore there is no cultural problem when allowing them. 

9. What are your thoughts with regards to the Saudi authorities controlling the subject of marriage whereby approval by such authorities is required if a Saudi wishes to marry a non-Saudi?

I actually always wonder why such approval is required.

10. Homosexuality and Lesbianism is an issue that is rife within the Kingdom as I have witnessed personally. Where has this culture emerged from? Do you think it is a direct result of strict gender segregation?

Saudi culture actually acknowledges the historical existence of homosexuality, but the struggle comes when discussing how to deal with it. Gender separation seems to have resulted in a new aspect of ‘homosexuality’ whereby one engages in sexual activity with one or more of the same gender despite the fact that he is not homosexual but the reason is that he cannot express his sexual desire with people of the other gender due to gender separation. So, engaging sexually with people of the same gender is done just because it is the only possible way of getting rid of one’s sexual desire anyway, or at least out of curiosity.

11. On a more personal note, have you ever lost friends or have you ever been threatened due to a viewpoint you expressed on your blog?

Not really, for various reasons. One is that I am trying so hard to be diplomatic and charismatic as much as possible, which seems to have discouraged any cruel social reaction towards the blog. Besides, there has apparently become no (or at least hardly any) physical harm to anyone criticising Saudi cultural and social values and patterns - with the exception of the fundamental norms of the national political system which I intentionally avoid talking about in the blog. There, however, remains some social hatred towards such critics. That said, I have started to notice that some Saudis (whether young or old, liberal or even conservative) somehow admire, normally secretly, anyone who is ‘westernized’/’modernized’ and has its own distinctive way of seeing Saudi culture, especially when this person is successful and delivers his/her criticisms in a polite and delicate way. Frankly, given the fact that I hold a doctoral degree and am a faculty member in Saudi Arabia, this grants me so much prestige, which makes Saudis show respect to me despite my critical writings about their culture. Besides, the fact that I did my master’s and doctorate in the West and lived over there for a long time, this makes people somehow forgive me for viewing their culture through a critical lens. I am, as mentioned earlier, a faculty member in a Saudi university, teaching a large number of Saudi undergraduates, and since the relationship between me and my students tends to be good, these students are more likely to become influenced by my values, thus increasing the number of my followers and therefore my ‘protectors.’

12. In your opinion what are the positives or negatives of blogging?

In terms of positives, blogging is important for cultural exchange, helps one engage in critical reflection on his/her experiences, improves one’s writing skill, encourages one to engage in debates with the international community, etc. In terms of negatives, however, the fact that one can be anonymous can encourage some people to deliver his/her criticisms in a cruel way and to make comments without careful thinking. Although criticisms can be constructive and lead to positive evaluation, it can also be destructive, hurt and result in disappointment and frustration on the part of the one being criticised.

14. Do you consider yourself to be a spiritual person? What are your thoughts on religion and faith?

I am sympathetic towards the concept of spirituality, but the question I have not found an answer to yet is: What is spirituality?

15. Some time back an article I read mentioned that the Saudi authorities wanted all blogs to be registered and licensed. What are your thoughts on this?

I have not had any clear view on this issue yet.

16. Should bloggers within the Kingdom be allowed total freedom of expression or do you think that the authorities have a right to control this?

The problem is that Saudis were in the past exposed to hardly any communication channels, but now they are suddenly exposed to way so many communication channels (e.g. web-based forums, Facebook and Twitter) but without the necessary skills in constructive criticism. Saudis are not ready yet for freedom of expression given the lack of the skills concerned, and therefore training is needed to train Saudis in such skills. For example, university students should be trained in constructive criticism as part of the foundation year. In school, there should be in the so-called Nationalism Course some units concerning constructive criticism. Many of the criticisms I have come across in the Saudi online domains tend to be close to being destructive than being constructive, thus frustrating reforms, authorities and policy-makers.

17. What advise would you give to people out there who are thinking about starting up their own blog?

a. Write about what has not been written about yet.

b. Write in a diplomatic and characteristic way.

c. Write! Write even just about facts. Analysing and criticising are useful but not essential. What is essential is to share social facts with the international community even in a descriptive (i.e. uncritical) way.

d. Write in English even if you are not confident with your English skills. Writing in English will broaden your audience.

e. Always take notes of your ideas and thoughts even if you are at the toilet.

f. Writing a blog post should not take more than 3 hours, i.e. an hour for research, an hour for writing and an hour for proofreading.

g. Avoid writing long blog posts. Two paragraphs per post should be enough.

h. Choose a tidy template with less information on the right and left sides (i.e. with less distraction). 

19. Are there any other websites or internet publications that you write for?

a. I wrote an article for openDemocracy: (http://www.opendemocracy.net/abdulrahman-al-lily/writing-about-saudi-arabia)

b. I was interviewed by American Bedu (http://americanbedu.com/)

c. I wrote an academic article called On Line And Under Veil (http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0160791X11000066).

d. Another academic article is Teaching across gender lines: A Saudi innovation (http://sdrv.ms/X9Rxap)

e. Another scholarly article in the press is Social Change and Educational Technologies: By Invitation or Invasion

Once again, thank you very much Dr. Abdul, for taking the time to answer these questions. Desert Moon wishes you the very best in your career and beyond!!!! I strongly recommend all my fans, friends and family to please visit the blog ‘Sex and Beyond’. Kindly provide me with feedback and your thoughts regarding the blog.

Q3TCETW4B3SA 

JUST A CENTURY AGO A WOMAN RULED IN THE GULF

Article written by Sultan Sooud Al - Qassemi 

In no other region of the world does the tired old cliché that "behind every great man is a great woman" hold more true than in the Middle East. And yet women have not always played a role only from behind the curtains that are their men but have also occasionally stepped up to share the burden and privilege of leading their people.

Ironically, some of the most famous women in the world are those who have reigned in the Middle East. Cleopatra, a direct descendant of a general in the army of Alexander the Great, lover and seducer of two emperors of Rome, is one such example. Another is the Queen of Sheba, who travelled from what is believed to be Yemen at great peril to herself to meet King Solomon in Jerusalem.

Less well-known but equally powerful was Sultana Ismat of Egypt, known as Shajarat Al Durr, who almost single-handedly brought to an end the dynasty started by the great warrior Saladin 800 years ago and heralded the rule of the emancipated Mamluk Sultanate that spanned more than three centuries.

Interestingly, among the 15 documented Islamic female monarchs, two women ruled 11th century Islamic Yemen back-to-back for many decades. According to Fatima Mernissi's book The Forgotten Queens of Islam, not only did Asma and subsequently Arwa al Sulayhiyya regularly attend the council of ministers with their faces uncovered and debating matters of state, but more significantly the imams of the mosques would repeatedly proclaim the Friday sermons in their names, a gesture signalling who called the shots in the country.

All these women ruled many centuries ago and in more progressive and developed societies far away from the conservative Gulf. Surely none would be allowed to rule here, especially not in the strict society that is Wahhabi Saudi Arabia?

Wrong. In the early 20th century, Princess Fatima Al Zamil qualified as one ruler. A blue-blooded lady born of a marriage between members of the Al-Rasheed and Shammar tribes - which makes her a relative of the current Saudi Arabian King Abdullah - she ruled the province of Ha'il from 1911 to 1914 as an administrator of her minor grandson's estate.

Princess Fatima ran the affairs of her society and people from the historic and lavish three-storey Barzan Palace, over which she had full authority. She received foreign guests such as the British writer and politician Gertrude Bell, a close friend and associate of TE Lawrence (of Arabia). She allowed her visitor to photograph her in her residence with her long beaded hair adorning her chest and with her face uncovered, something that is taboo for many Arab women almost a century later.

What is possibly the most significant fact of Princess Fatima's reign wasn't that she ruled over the now demolished 300,000 square metre Barzan Palace, but that she was chosen by the elders of the two most powerful tribes of the central Arabian peninsula in what may be one of the few exercises of tribal democracy in the Gulf.

One may ponder the obstacles that would hinder women from reaching the top post once again. Religion is often used by conservatives to maintain the status quo. However, in modern history, years before Hillary Clinton decided to run for president of the (secular) US, more than one woman has reached the helm of power in Bangladesh, a country founded on Islamic tenets.

It could be argued that the societies of the Gulf are tribal and therefore it is unthinkable for women to lead. But Pakistan, like the Gulf, is a patriarchal, tribal and male-dominated society, yet women have been elected to the post of prime minister and speaker of parliament. Even in the secular sphere it was Turkey that gave continental Europe its second elected female leader after Norway, an honour that a French woman has yet to achieve.

Today, one cannot ignore the roles that three female leaders are playing in the Gulf. In the UAE, Sheikha Fatima has been directly involved in making education and work more accessible for women. In Bahrain, Sheikha Sabeeka famously dismissed a proposal that there should be a quota system for women entering parliament, calling it "discriminatory"; she wanted women to enter according to their merits. In Qatar, Sheikha Mouza heads the influential Qatar Foundation that was able to attract Ivy League universities to the small emirate as well as invite various global figures to the Doha Debates that are held under her personal patronage.

There naturally exists no position that should be out of reach for women, neither before nor after a palace called Barzan.

Source:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sultan-sooud-alqassemi/just-a-century-ago-a-woma_b_832961.html

Where is the justice Saudi Arabia?

This man is a Saudi cleric, his name is Faihan Alghamdi. He has killed his 5 years old daughter after months of torturing her. Two days ago, the judge has decided to release him from prison after he pays diya or blood money to his ex wife. If his ex wife (mother) had murdered the child then she would be executed. The child's mother has objected to this unfair verdict and is asking for a new trial. The woman said she had not appointed a lawyer during the trial to demand execution of her husband on the grounds she is “ignorant in the law.”

“The body of my daughter has been in the morgue for nearly four months.. I have just received a court permit to bury her,” she said.

In a report in late 2012, the Saudi Arabic language daily Alyoum said the scholar often appears on a local satellite TV channel to deliver religious lectures.

The paper said his daughter Lama died in hospital after spending several weeks suffering from broken arms, skull fracture and head bruises.

It quoted the girl’s mother as saying her daughter had been systematically tortured by her father and his new wife before she was admitted to hospital in a serious condition.

Source:

http://english.alarabiya.net/articles/2012/11/11/249009.html

Our Polly has taken ill

Yesterday morning I received news that our parrot who has been with us for the past 30 years is ill and has been admitted to a veterinary clinic close to our home.It appears that he is unable to breathe properly and requires nebulization. Most African Grey parrots die due to respiratory conditions. Even though he was not as close to me as he was to my brother and mom, I kind of felt an inner sadness. He has been literally a part of our family. I know of many people out there who find it strange if you cry or feel sad at the loss of an animal. I have also come across individuals who have pets but fail to take them to the vet when they are ill based on the grounds that they are just animals, so what if they die. Many of these individuals practice Islam and preach about Islam but they forget to uphold the rights of God Almighty's creation. There are numerous sayings of the Prophet Muhammed (saw) related to the humane treatment of animals. I always believe that having a pet in your house is equivalent to adopting a child into the home. The pet requires the same basic needs that a child requires which is of course being fed on time and provided with tender loving care.I hope that the our parrot gets well soon. Our house and family environment will never be the same without him.

KIDS FROM HELL

http://heraldingoa.blogspot.com/ - picture

A few weeks ago I was visiting the home of a member of the Royal family along with a close friend of mine. The middle aged lady was a patient at our hospital and over a period of time she had taken a liking to me. Despite hailing from an aristocratic family, she is a very simple, down to earth woman that displays exemplary character to all around her. Her son Abdul Aziz has adopted his mother's fine qualities and personality traits. To be honest, I have never encountered such down to earth people in my life despite their excessive wealth and status within society. I was quite taken aback to find Abdul Aziz having his dinner on the floor with his drivers and other helpers who reside on the huge property. After dinner, we all gathered at the back of the property on the outside porch overlooking the garden and swimming pool area. Whilst chatting about mundane, everyday topics about life, my friend' s mobile phone rang. She answered the call and suddenly her tone of voice changed. She seemed worried and shocked at the same time. When she eventually hung up the call, she related to us a story that sounded just like a movie. The story is about a family who now resides in Makkah. They are originally from Pakistan and hail from Karachi. The father was a successful businessman owning a huge textiles factory. Years ago, after getting all four daughters married into wealthy homes, he decided to retire and hand over his entire business empire to his only son. However, things went horribly wrong. His son was kidnapped by members of the underworld who demanded a huge ransom for his release. Part of the ransom included the factory. Months went by and there was no trace of his son despite seeking help from the police. During this period, his wife became ill due to stress and worry. When he finally lost hope that his son is perhaps dead, he received a note saying that his son is alive but he needs to hand over the factory. Not being able to bare the torment any further, he handed over the factory and other valuable items to the kidnappers. His son was eventually released and whilst everyone rejoiced and celebrated their financial situation was in turmoil. At this point in time none of the son in laws were interested in extending a helping hand. The father, his wife and son then decided to move to Saudi Arabia.He was hopeful and optimistic that his son would acquire an excellent job due to his education and will thus be able to support him and his aging wife. How wonderful it would be to simply retire and spend most of the day in the Haram gazing at the house of Allah. The father was confident that his well educated son will be able to get a good job and support his parents. He also felt that after being through a lot it would be a perfect time to simply relax and be in the city of Makkah engrossed in prayer. Once again, his life took a drastic turn. The son that he gave up everything for became a monster. He started abusing his parents with the support of his wife depriving them of their basic needs like proper clothing and food. There has been occasions where the daughter in law hits her mother in law with a stick if she asks for money to buy essential items like medication. As my friend continued to relate the story, I noticed Abdul Aziz's eyes filling up with tears. I was speechless. How could any individual be so cruel and heartless I thought to myself. My friend met the mother of the house a few years ago in the haram after discovering the woman crying inconsolably. She has been helping the lady ever since. Abdul Aziz instructed me to call the lady and find out what her needs are in terms of medications etc. The next day I called her and whilst weeping on the phone, she related her story to me. Thus far, we have sent her some money and medications but hopefully another close friend of mine who is a fellow blogger as well will find a permanent solution to her issues soon.

Just a while ago my dear friend Ayedh came by the pharmacy and he was relating to me a story about a woman who came to the emergency department some time back with cancer and required an emergency operation to remove a tumor from her brain. Neither her husband nor her kids accompanied her to the hospital. When the doctor called the husband asking him to come by to sign the consent forms, the husband simply replied that he was very busy and had no time to come by. Hence, the doctor and my friend Ayedh, took the responsibility for this woman's treatment. In another bizarre incident that occurred around twenty years ago, a Saudi man took his aged mother and left her in the desert as he felt that she was a burden to him and could not look after her any longer. He told her to wait in the desert whilst he goes to city to bring back some water for her but he never returned.

Hours went by and evening set in. A group of youth came to the desert to picnic and noticed the old lady sitting on the hot scorching desert sand. She told them that she was waiting for her son to come back from the city. The youth stayed with her for some time and eventually forced her into the car and drove her back to the city despite are insistence that she would wait for her son to return. They took her to the local masjid and only after some time did the realization finally set in that her son, her own flesh and blood wanted to get rid of her. The imam arranged a home for her and took care of the woman's needs until her death. How heartbroken she must have felt. In South Africa, I use to work with a lady years ago, whose son use to beat her up black and blue. There were many times that she would just have a nervous break down. I lost touch with her over time but I do hope that her situation has improved.

And whilst you do get kids from hell on the other hand you get individuals like my dear friend, in fact he is more like a brother to me, Ayedh. He turned down a scholarship to further his studies in the USA simply to look after his parents and be there for them in their old age. He is the eldest son in his family and feels that he needs to gain maximum reward by looking after his parents who require his help and support in their old age. I guess it is because of this that Ayedh has gained much success in his career and God Almighty has opened up for him numerous doorways leading him to success and prosperity. He always speaks words of wisdom and I guess I am really fortunate to be associated with such a kind soul. During our conversation I was quite astounded to hear that in Riyadh there is in fact one old age home. I always thought that old age homes did not exist in the Kingdom. Ayedh has promised to find out the exact location of this old age home and we have agreed to visit the elderly when I return from my five week vacation God willing. Ayedh suggested that we take some food and other goodies with us. It is always a delightful experience to put a smile on someone else's face and to make a person feel loved and wanted.

To the youth out there, instead of being engrossed in utter nonsense like computer games, video games, mobile phones, and television, isn't it more beneficial to be involved with social work and being a part of organizations that visit old age homes, orphanages, schools for the blind and disabled. It does not always have to be a monetary contribution. Simply being there for someone else and making a difference in someone else's life is a rewarding experience in itself.To everyone out there who has parents, value your parents, shower them with love and affection.It is only through their blessings that you acquire happiness and success in this world. As God Almighty says in the holy Quraan, 

"And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as] 'uff' [i.e., an expression of irritation or disapproval] and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say: 'My Lord! Have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.'" [Quran 17:23-24].

Are we true to the Holy Prophet’s teachings?

by Khaled Almaeena (Saudi Gazette)

Not a day passes without some depressing news from one Muslim country or another. Either it is a terrorist attack in Afghanistan or the Syrian Air Force bombing its own people. Iraq continues to be hit with violence of the most gruesome kind. Mali now joins the list of Muslim countries facing internal turmoil and external intervention. People continue to be killed in Pakistan either in drone attacks by the US or in inter-sectarian strife. Why?

I think no one who reflects on the worsening conditions in the Muslim world can fail to ask these questions: Is this the community envisaged by Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), who was born on 12 Rabi Al-Awwal, and is this the world we would have witnessed if Muslims had proved true to their religion and had lived according to the guidance provided by their Prophet (pbuh) and the teachings of the Holy Qur’an?

Muslims may complain of many things but they cannot complain that they have no role model. They have the perfect role model in their Prophet (pbuh).There is no other prophet on whose life so much light has been shed. Living in the full glare of history, his sayings and actions have been documented as no other prophet’s have. Recorded in minute detail, their authenticity has not been questioned by fair-minded scholars and honest historians.

It is extremely difficult for the Muslims of today to imagine and much less to endure the hardships that the Prophet (pbuh) and his companions underwent. In the ninth year of his mission, the Prophet (pbuh) — having been persecuted and terrorized by his people in Makkah — headed for Taif, home of the Banu Thaqif tribe. If anything, he was treated even more rudely by the tribal elders, who told him to leave the place and even sent street urchins after him to beat him and pelt him with stones. He bled profusely. His entire body was covered with blood and his sandals became clogged to his feet because of the severity of the beating and torture he was subjected to. Those who would resort to violence at what they perceive to be insults to the Prophet (pbuh) and Islam should realize that he bore no ill will toward his tormentors. Instead, he made a heartrending invocation to God Almighty beseeching mercy for the people who had persecuted him. Those Muslims who are intolerant and become violent at the slightest provocation are doing a great disservice to their religion and the principle of tolerance it espouses.

When Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) noticed the continued absence of a woman in Makkah who used to insult him and throw garbage on him as he walked the streets, he asked people about her and visited her after learning that she had fallen ill.

Over 14 centuries have gone by since he left us, but his message still lives on. It can lead us from darkness to light as it once led the Arabs from backwardness to the heights of success and glory. His life was one of mercy, compassion, care, consideration, kindness and tolerance for all. His sayings, known as Hadiths, bear testimony to this.

One particular theme he was never tired of stressing concerns the rights of women. You should look at what the Prophet (pbuh) said and did in order to realize what an honorable and respectable position Islam affords women. However, it is sad to see that many Muslims ignore this or behave in a way that gives a very wrong impression about women’s position in an Islamic society. “Fear Allah in respect of women,” the Prophet (pbuh) said. On another occasion he said: “The best of you are they who are best to their wives.”

Here is another Hadith: “A Muslim must not hate his wife, and if he be displeased with one bad quality in her, let him be pleased with one that is good.” According to him, “The more civil and kind a Muslim is to his wife, the more perfect in faith he is.”

In what was considered a revolutionary idea at that time, the Prophet (pbuh) taught his companions to remain in their mothers’ service, saying that Paradise lies beneath their feet.

Today, we violate the Prophet’s teachings over this and so many other things, which creates so many problems for us and brings a bad name to our religion.

Start with the self-appointed guardians of faith. They preach piety, but are they pious? Do they live by the tenets of Islam? They preach, but do not practice. What about those who spew hate, abuse and defame others – all in the name of religion? Have they not read about the Prophet’s attitude and behavior toward all those around him including the ones who abused him and tried to kill him?

Do people in authority follow the precepts of the Prophet (pbuh)? If they did, so many Muslim countries would not be in ferment, providing an opportunity for outsiders to intervene in their affairs or to set one section of the people against another.

Are our bureaucrats punctual and sincere? Do they cater to the public’s needs? The functioning of government departments throughout the Muslim world in the holy month of Ramadan tells its own story.

Most of our problems are self-inflicted. There is no point in crying that enemies are plotting our destruction or hatching conspiracies against us. Of course that is what enemies everywhere have been doing throughout history. The question is whether we should help enemies by our own actions or inaction.

Take, for example, scientific progress and economic development. Muslims once led Europe in science and the pursuit of knowledge. All experts agree that without the Arabic numbering system, which included decimals and the cipher (zero), modern science and business would have been impossible. The first university of Europe was established by Muslims in Spain. From the 8th to the 10th centuries, Baghdad flourished as the world’s most civilized city. Its university was attended by 6,000 students from all over the world.

Aristotle and Plato were rediscovered by Muslim scholars who translated many Greek manuscripts into Arabic. Even non-Muslim historians admit that Muslims were the originators of modern chemistry, meteorology, mathematics, sociology and geography. Muslim surgeons were also the first to dissect the human body. The first known telescope was built for a Muslim ruler.

We should remember that we are the followers of a Prophet (pbuh) who said that one should seek knowledge even if it means traveling as far as China.

Today, as we stumble through a confused and turbulent world and as uncertainly and depression grip large parts of the Muslim world, we should go back to the teachings of the Prophet (pbuh). This is the only way to get rid of the social ills from which we suffer.

Unfortunately, we say one thing and practice something else. The Holy Qur’an says: “Allah will never change the condition of a people until they change what is within themselves.” Surah Al-Ra’d - Ayah 11 (13:11).

Let us teach ourselves and our children about the life of the Prophet (pbuh) with a firm resolve that we will use it in our daily lives. Let us be more tolerant, more forgiving and show compassion to all people irrespective of their race or religion. This is the best way to show our love and respect for our Prophet (pbuh).

Source:

http://www.saudigazette.com.sa/index.cfm?method=home.regcon&contentid=20130124150436