In the past, the criterion for choosing a bride was based on her family’s reputation. However, now young men place light-skinned brides at the top of their list. This superficiality has made many people in the Kingdom resort to ‘matchmakers’ as an efficient and convenient option to find the ideal husband or wife. The matchmaker’s task, however, is not an easy one as she (matchmakers are almost always women) has to guide two families to see through the marital union of two people.
Umm Mohammad, a 60-year old Palestinian woman started working as a matchmaker or “Khattabah” six years ago in the Kingdom, and she highlights the main reasons why families are resorting to the services of a “Khattabah”.
“It is not easy for some women to go out searching for a good bride (for their sons or brothers) in Saudi Arabia. Some women don’t have many friends because their husbands restrict their sociability. This makes these women resort to the matchmakers to fulfill their needs,” said Umm Mohammad.
She added that she faced much criticism from a potential groom’s family whenever she found a potential bride who wasn’t a perfect fit for their superficial prerequisites. “Many young men and their mothers desire a beautiful girl, who is tall and thin and has blond hair. It becomes very frustrating to work with such conditions. Sometimes they specifically ask for working girls because of rising expenses,” she remarked.
“The strangest situation that I have faced during my experience as a matchmaker, was when a potential groom’s mother asked me to scrutinize the potential bride as soon as she took a shower, so that I could see how naturally beautiful she was. However, the families of some potential brides find these tests acceptable, and the couples have lived happily after the wedding,” said Umm Mohammad. She added that some Saudi men have specifically requested women from Syria and Palestine because of their ‘beauty’.
Similarly, many potential brides have also started asking matchmakers to find men with certain specifications.
”Some girls have asked me to send them the guy’s (potential groom) photograph via mobile phone messaging, and most have said they prefer a tall and good looking man who is well settled. Some girls have also asked me to find for them a young man who resembles Wael K’foury, a well-known and handsome Lebanese singer,” laughed Umm Ali, a Saudi matchmaker who has been in the trade for eight years.
Umm Mohammad has fifteen folders containing the description of both potential brides and grooms and says she feels a certain excitement when she brings a couple together. Her fame grew as she expanded her services and started offering them on the internet. She claims to have many young men call her demanding a ‘beautiful’ potential wife.
“I have arranged 75 marriages within various cities in the Kingdom during the past six years. I love this career because I feel sorry for some women who are still single, and am genuinely happy when I see them living happily with their husbands because of my work,” she said.
“After my website officially started six months ago, many Saudi men have been requesting me to provide services for the ‘Al Mesyar’ marriage which I don’t appreciate because it harms women who are fundamentally more vulnerable than the men,” added Umm Mohammad.
There are some matchmakers in Saudi Arabia who are providing matchmaking services for ‘Al-Mesyar’ marriages - where the couple does not live together and the husband is not financially responsible for his wife - with the condition that if the groom’s parents wants a suitable girl for their son, the matchmaker will require them to pay SR 2000 or SR 3000 in the beginning, even reaching SR 5000 for a girl who matches certain specifications.
“I don’t appreciate these matchmakers because the ‘extra’ money may be completely wasted. What if the alliance does not work out because the couple are not suited to each other?” she pointed out.
Mansour Bin Askar, a professor of Sociology at Al-Imam Mohammad Ibn Saud Islamic University says that the main reason why the mothers of a potential groom particularly, are approaching matchmakers is the modernization of cities in the Kingdom. “Taking eligible young women to the matchmaker is a positive way to find suitable grooms for them as matchmakers charge money for their services, so there is a greater possibility that she will practice her job seriously,” remarked Bin Askar.
He believes however, that some matchmakers are in this field solely because of the money. They do not seek to formalize the acceptance of both the groom and bride and often feed incorrect information to both families, which often becomes a source of conflict in the future between both families.
Umm Ali claims eighty marriages to her credit, and says her job is often a source of anxiety as potential grooms are usually very particular about the woman they want to marry and their demands are currently on the rise. She advises prospective matchmakers to undertake this work with genuine honesty and loyalty.
“This kind of work is not easy to undertake because occasionally it takes a long time to match prospective brides and grooms, according to the specifications they request,” emphasized Umm Ali, adding that she once rejected a prospective groom who wished to marry for only two days.
Umm Mohammad is also bewildered by the recurrence of Saudi women requesting prospective brides for their husbands’ second marriage. “More than ten Saudi wives have asked me to find wives for their husband, as they would prefer to know exactly who their husbands are marrying, rather than finding out about the second marriage later on,” remarked Umm Mohammad.
She is also particularly interested in finding husbands for single women between the age of 35 and 45 years, and claims that she finds it difficult to sleep whenever she is unable to do so.
“About twelve girls who are between the age of 32 to 45 years have gotten married because of my service. I prefer to find prospective grooms for older girls rather than those who are between the age of 18 and 30. The younger girls will still have a change to get married later on,” she added.
She seems genuinely interested in the welfare of her clients and claims to be available to advise them on their married life free of charge.
“The calls I recieve on a daily basis may reach up to fifty calls in a single day, and they come from all over the Kingdom, and even from abroad with couples and their families remembering me and even thanking me for bringing them together,” she proudly claims. –SG __
Source:
http://www.saudigazette.com.sa/
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