Unleashing years of pain

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I received this email from Marcus, a 52 year old gentleman and a former male model years ago. Thank you Marcus for sharing your story with the world.

Hello Everyone. My name is Marcus (Not my real name). I am a 52 year old man and was a former male model many years ago. I must say that I was at first apprehensive to write my story.Sumayya and another friend of mine

 informed me and also convinced me that writing my story will set me free. Writing is a form of therapy. It will release the inner feelings that I have bottled up for years. Well here we go. I am the son of a Canadian father and a British mom. I was born in the USA as my parents resided their due to work purposes. At the age of five years old my parents passed away in a car accident.My grand parents then took care of me for a year of two. When their health deteriorated and they were no longer able to look after me I was sent to my dads brothers home in Canada.At first it was all well and good. However, after six months of residing in the family unit my uncle started abusing me sexually. He would pay me money in return for carrying out sexual acts on me. I didn't quite know what to do. I had no where to go and my uncles wife took really good care of me.The abuse continued for a few years. Then I was packed off to a Catholic boarding school. I thought the abuse would stop there. But it didn't. On weekends my uncle would come over under the pretense of checking up on me and the abuse would continue. At the same time I discovered, that a room mate of mine was being abused by one of the teachers in the school. I completed my schooling and then started university. I started blocking out my feelings and in order to block those painful feelings I felt I needed to excel and persevere in my career.I started having issues in terms of my sexuality. Whilst I found the act repulsive and hurtful, at the same time I got so use to it that I didn't think of it as abuse any more.There was even a time where I enjoyed intercourse with a male. During my first year at university I met a girl. We became good friends and we stayed together for two years..We had no problems from an intimate point of view but my inner self was filled with mixed feelings and reactions. I was unable to commit. I was having problems in deciphering my sexuality. I would have emotional outbursts and mood swings. I would become angry. I felt the need to dominate the relationship. In my second year of university a modeling agency on campus asked me to be the face for a clothing brand. It was a chance to earn extra cash and so I decided to do the campaign. People are under the impression that only girls get abused in the modeling industry. People think that couch casting and sexual favors to reach the top only occur with female models. The truth is that it occurs with males too. One night after doing a shoot, the designer of the clothing brand came into my room. He drugged my drink and before I knew it he had slept with me. It was very much a normal occurrence. He mentioned if you do this with me all the time you will reach the top.At this point in time I left my girlfriend of two years. I started moving from one relationship to the next. I started becoming promiscuous and felt that by having sex with different people my needs would be taken care off and I would be loved. I kept on pushing myself to achieve things in life. To be the best that I could be in my studies. It was my way of blocking what had happened to me. I was being promiscuous with men and women to the point where I could not understand my sexuality any more.At the age of of 35 I met a woman through a mutual friend. She happened to be a social worker and a psychologist as well. She started noticing behavior patterns within me. I didn't take her seriously. I brushed her off. But I guess she could see the inner me. I didn't have the courage to speak to her and so I broke off my relationship with her as well.I loved her and cared about her but I was too ashamed to be with her. One day I decided I needed to seek help. I started going for therapy and speaking about my issues.Therapy helped me a lot. It was as though I was unleashing years of pain and hurt. At the age of 41 I finally got married. I have a son who is 9 years old. The main reason I wrote this story is to make people aware of what really happens within the modeling industry. Not everyone is a victim but yes there are many cases and I am one of them.I would not condone my son to be apart of the modeling fraternity.I also want to make mention that I never really had much interaction with Muslim people or Muslim Arab nations. My perception of Muslims were bad. I always viewed them as thieves, bad, smelly people who made lots of kids and did not look after them and expected the first world countries to give them hand outs. I had no Muslim friends as well. I must admit that I am quite ashamed of my manner of thinking. I was sent a link to Sumayya's facebook page and I would always read her status updates and it was always filled with good things only. Many articles on her page have allowed me to see the world in a different light. When we first corresponded through email, I could not believe that she was a Muslim girl. My idea of Muslim girls in general was individuals who are backward and subservient to their men. My perception has changed of Muslims in general. Thank you Sumayya for your kindness. We will never meet in person for obvious reasons but I want to thank you for encouraging me to break free. I have put my past behind me and I feel happy and filled with enthusiasm to move in to a future that will be filled with nothing else but light. I know you are a very down to earth humble soul. So I do not wish to embarrass you but I would just like to add that you are rare and one of a kind. You have good heart. You have a pure and innocent soul!May God Bless you!!!